I had a client call today asking for some etiquette clarification pertaining to the planning of her daughter's upcoming wedding. It seemed that the bride and her mother were on two different pages for many of the traditions/new fads that are out in the wedding world. One of the main topics of disagreement was the money dance. Of course, the bride and the groom want it and the mother of the bride says NO WAY! The question is, is this a tacky way of getting extra honeymoon money or a long standing tradition that your guests look forward to?
First, let’s discuss what the money dance really is. According to Wikipedia, “The money dance, dollar dance, or apron dance is an event at some wedding receptions in various cultures. During a money dance, male guests pay to dance briefly with the bride, and sometimes female guests pay to dance with the groom. The custom originated in Poland in the early 1900s in immigrant neighborhoods. Sometimes guests are told that the money will be used for the bride and groom's honeymoon or to give them a little extra cash with which to set up housekeeping.”
While Poland is mentioned as one of the main cultures associated with the money dance, there are other cultures that embrace this wedding event as a tradition of support and wealth for the new couple. Although the gesture of extra cash for your honeymoon or the start to your nest egg is sometimes seen as an expected offering at weddings, there are people out there who see it as greedy on the part of the newly married couple.
The feeling is that your guests have given you a wedding gift, and in some cases, much more, so why keep putting out your hands for more. The argument up North can always circle around the fact that most guests give cash as their actual gift so this is simply a way for the guests to present it to the bride and groom. My feeling is that if a guest or family member were going to give money as a wedding gift, they would give it whether there is a money dance or not.
When it comes to my experiences here in New Orleans, I typically see the money dance from younger couples just out of college, give or take a few instances. For the most part, I find the parents to be against this traditional wedding dance, but it is no surprise that the bride and groom fight to have it.
I have to plead the fifth on this topic as I am not sure that I can judge a cultural or family tradition, as is often the reason a couple may decide to keep the money dance as a part of their wedding reception. Just like so many traditions before this one, someone saw this done at a Polish wedding and decided it was a great way to make money at their wedding reception. Unfortunately because it turned from tradition to fad, there are bad feelings toward what started off as a way to celebrate and support a newly married couple.
From an etiquette point of view, if you have no cultural or traditional reason to include the money dance, leave it out. It tends to look tacky when you reach for reasons for your guests to reach into their pockets.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Realistic Requests - The Bride/The Bridesmaid
A couple of weeks ago I wrote an entry about bridesmaids and their etiquette towards each other, but I did not have the opportunity to speak about the other party that drives the finances and emotions for the bridesmaids involved in a wedding: the Bride.
We all know that buying a dress comes with the territory of being a bridesmaid, but we also know that we wait with baited breath to see what dress the bride will pick for us and how much it will cost. The worst case scenario is the bride who picks some Vera Wang dress that she believes can be “worn again” (as they all think the dresses they pick can be “worn again”) that costs more than an entire wardrobe. We also know that it’s par for the course to throw and attend the bridal shower, but what about the bride who invites you to all five of her other celebrations and expects a gift for every invite given? There’s the engagement party, the stock the bar shower, the couple’s shower, the honey do shower and, of course, the lingerie shower. To top it all off, there’s the bride who, after all of that, gets upset if you do not travel to Vegas for a weekend bachelorette celebration which consists of three nights at the Bellagio hotel, dinner at every restaurant owed by a celebrity, followed up by multiple nights celebrating “with the Kardashians” at Pure.
Now, I know that not every bride is like this – everyone knows that I like to pick the most dramatic cases to illustrate points in this blog. Nevertheless, let’s take a look at a typical tab that even the most mild-mannered bride runs up for her maids.
Bridesmaids dress -$200
Hair on the day of the wedding - $50
Make-up on the day of the wedding - $75
Bridal shower - $100
Bachelorette party (if local) - $100
The total is $525 before we add shoes, jewelry, extra shower gifts and/or a wedding gift. You can see how things can get out of control very quickly, and if you are at an age where many of your friends are getting married at the same time, finances can become a big issue.
I’ve devised a little “bridal etiquette” for the brides to keep in mind when putting demands on the bridesmaids. Hopefully these are some ways to relieve the stress from the maids and give the bride a new way to think about the expenses that surely add up.
#1. If you have multiple showers that you’d like your bridesmaids invited to, please tell them directly that gifts are not expected nor will they be accepted. Everyone knows that the typical shower rule is that no one person should be invited to more than one shower. The idea of this rule is to eliminate asking the same people to bring gifts to 5 different celebrations. I think, if you want to invite some of the same guests, such as your bridal party, it is your duty to let those people know that you want them there to celebrate with you, not so you can get another gift.
#2. Please let your bridal party know that a wedding gift is not necessary either. I personally do not believe in giving the bride a wedding gift if I am standing in the wedding. I think throughout the process, enough gifts are typically given that by the end of the engagement, your bridal party has done enough for you. I do sometimes give (and did receive for my wedding) personal gifts such as a “goodie basket” for the honeymoon (thank you, college friends) or a framed picture of something that meant a lot to myself and the bride or the bride and the groom. A gift that is personal is more than acceptable, but I do not feel that the bridesmaids should be made to feel pressure to gift like the rest of your guests.
#3. A good rule of thumb, and proper etiquette, is that if you are going to make your bridesmaids do or buy something specific, as the bride, you should cover the expense. Hair and make-up are the perfect example. If you offer the option of getting hair and/or make-up done, but leave the final decision up to each girl, the bride is not responsible for footing the bill. In situations where you are bringing someone in and requiring that each girl have her hair done a certain way by a certain person, then the responsibility is on you.
#4. Some of the extras that add up and are not necessary are things like jewelry and shoes. Typically, at the bridal luncheon, the bride will give gifts to all of her maids. A great gift to give is always jewelry, especially if you have something specific that you want your girls to wear. Another “uniform” item that brides tend to fixate on is the shoes. Depending on how many girls you have, what style dress and how uniform you want to be, sometimes requiring that your girls buy the same shoes is an added expense that is un-necessary. Besides, many times, the bride tries to find a cheap pair of shoes so that the cost will not be too great for her maids. The shoes end up looking worse than if she would have given the girls a color to stick with and pick their own. A good suggestion would be to pick a color (stay neutral) and let the girls get their own or give the shoes to each girl as a gift, along with the jewelry.
As always, there are multiple sides to every story and I want to make sure to cover one of the most important things about being a bridesmaid that I do not need an entire entry to cover – If you really do not want to be a bridesmaid and be supportive to your friend who is the bride or you cannot afford the bare minimum that goes into being a bridesmaid, just say NO. Also remember that no matter who you are, when it is your turn to get married you too will want everything to be over the top and for all of our friends to want to celebrate and want to do whatever you want to make the wedding and the experience perfect. Keep that in mind when you don’t even want to go out for the bachelorette party or you are complaining about every dress that the bride picks… when it’s your turn, you can pay if forward!
When it comes to the bride, do keep in mind the small tips that I gave about being creative with the things you want and taking on some of the responsibility when forcing your girls to tackle such great financial tasks. The fact is, you are the bride and you deserve to have whatever you want for your big day, but being realistic to the situations of everyone involved is very important. Stay reasonable and understanding to the financial demands that you are putting on people and make sure you let your girls know upfront what you expect or don’t expect. Let them get excited about things by getting them involved in decisions which will not only make them feel like a part of things but also help them to pick what is most comfortable financially for them!
We all know that buying a dress comes with the territory of being a bridesmaid, but we also know that we wait with baited breath to see what dress the bride will pick for us and how much it will cost. The worst case scenario is the bride who picks some Vera Wang dress that she believes can be “worn again” (as they all think the dresses they pick can be “worn again”) that costs more than an entire wardrobe. We also know that it’s par for the course to throw and attend the bridal shower, but what about the bride who invites you to all five of her other celebrations and expects a gift for every invite given? There’s the engagement party, the stock the bar shower, the couple’s shower, the honey do shower and, of course, the lingerie shower. To top it all off, there’s the bride who, after all of that, gets upset if you do not travel to Vegas for a weekend bachelorette celebration which consists of three nights at the Bellagio hotel, dinner at every restaurant owed by a celebrity, followed up by multiple nights celebrating “with the Kardashians” at Pure.
Now, I know that not every bride is like this – everyone knows that I like to pick the most dramatic cases to illustrate points in this blog. Nevertheless, let’s take a look at a typical tab that even the most mild-mannered bride runs up for her maids.
Bridesmaids dress -$200
Hair on the day of the wedding - $50
Make-up on the day of the wedding - $75
Bridal shower - $100
Bachelorette party (if local) - $100
The total is $525 before we add shoes, jewelry, extra shower gifts and/or a wedding gift. You can see how things can get out of control very quickly, and if you are at an age where many of your friends are getting married at the same time, finances can become a big issue.
I’ve devised a little “bridal etiquette” for the brides to keep in mind when putting demands on the bridesmaids. Hopefully these are some ways to relieve the stress from the maids and give the bride a new way to think about the expenses that surely add up.
#1. If you have multiple showers that you’d like your bridesmaids invited to, please tell them directly that gifts are not expected nor will they be accepted. Everyone knows that the typical shower rule is that no one person should be invited to more than one shower. The idea of this rule is to eliminate asking the same people to bring gifts to 5 different celebrations. I think, if you want to invite some of the same guests, such as your bridal party, it is your duty to let those people know that you want them there to celebrate with you, not so you can get another gift.
#2. Please let your bridal party know that a wedding gift is not necessary either. I personally do not believe in giving the bride a wedding gift if I am standing in the wedding. I think throughout the process, enough gifts are typically given that by the end of the engagement, your bridal party has done enough for you. I do sometimes give (and did receive for my wedding) personal gifts such as a “goodie basket” for the honeymoon (thank you, college friends) or a framed picture of something that meant a lot to myself and the bride or the bride and the groom. A gift that is personal is more than acceptable, but I do not feel that the bridesmaids should be made to feel pressure to gift like the rest of your guests.
#3. A good rule of thumb, and proper etiquette, is that if you are going to make your bridesmaids do or buy something specific, as the bride, you should cover the expense. Hair and make-up are the perfect example. If you offer the option of getting hair and/or make-up done, but leave the final decision up to each girl, the bride is not responsible for footing the bill. In situations where you are bringing someone in and requiring that each girl have her hair done a certain way by a certain person, then the responsibility is on you.
#4. Some of the extras that add up and are not necessary are things like jewelry and shoes. Typically, at the bridal luncheon, the bride will give gifts to all of her maids. A great gift to give is always jewelry, especially if you have something specific that you want your girls to wear. Another “uniform” item that brides tend to fixate on is the shoes. Depending on how many girls you have, what style dress and how uniform you want to be, sometimes requiring that your girls buy the same shoes is an added expense that is un-necessary. Besides, many times, the bride tries to find a cheap pair of shoes so that the cost will not be too great for her maids. The shoes end up looking worse than if she would have given the girls a color to stick with and pick their own. A good suggestion would be to pick a color (stay neutral) and let the girls get their own or give the shoes to each girl as a gift, along with the jewelry.
As always, there are multiple sides to every story and I want to make sure to cover one of the most important things about being a bridesmaid that I do not need an entire entry to cover – If you really do not want to be a bridesmaid and be supportive to your friend who is the bride or you cannot afford the bare minimum that goes into being a bridesmaid, just say NO. Also remember that no matter who you are, when it is your turn to get married you too will want everything to be over the top and for all of our friends to want to celebrate and want to do whatever you want to make the wedding and the experience perfect. Keep that in mind when you don’t even want to go out for the bachelorette party or you are complaining about every dress that the bride picks… when it’s your turn, you can pay if forward!
When it comes to the bride, do keep in mind the small tips that I gave about being creative with the things you want and taking on some of the responsibility when forcing your girls to tackle such great financial tasks. The fact is, you are the bride and you deserve to have whatever you want for your big day, but being realistic to the situations of everyone involved is very important. Stay reasonable and understanding to the financial demands that you are putting on people and make sure you let your girls know upfront what you expect or don’t expect. Let them get excited about things by getting them involved in decisions which will not only make them feel like a part of things but also help them to pick what is most comfortable financially for them!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
For the Love of Mardi Gras
I have had many conversations recently with some of my destination brides about the thoughts and comments of their guests coming here for their weddings. Most of these guests traveling to New Orleans weddings have never been here and only have the media and MTV’s Real World to dictate the New Orleans traditions, expectations and etiquette! Since the locals know that the seven sheltered strangers from farm land picked to live in a New Orleans mansion are not true representations of what this city is about, I thought I would dedicate this week’s entry to such a topic. And what better event to exemplify the true local’s spirit than Mardi Gras!
Mardi Gras is one of the most significant things related to New Orleans, especially when thought of by someone who is not from here; well, Mardi Gras and Bourbon Street. And if you use the television as your reference, the two go hand in hand, along with a lot of alcohol, nudity and the occasional spicy food. Every local knows that the biggest problem with Mardi Gras and Bourbon street being thought of together is that Mardi Gras actually does not happen on Bourbon Street. It is true that many people party there after the parades, although most of the people on Bourbon are tourists since most of the locals are on the balconies above! Regardless, the reality is that New Orleans has a lot to offer off of Bourbon Street and Mardi Gras has everything to offer nowhere near it.
I’d like to squash a few other stereotypes and put some loGcal rules to the Mardi Gras season so that when you visit, it is not completely obvious that you are a tourist.
1. DO NOT flash, especially for beads – this is definitely something that someone from out of town started and everyone who ever visited followed suit – locals do not do this.
2. Do not show up five minutes before a parade and stand in front of the crowds of people who slept on the route the night before in order to conserve their spot – you will get your ass kicked and if you don’t, you should. Save your own spot or stand in the back.
3. Do not throw beads at the floats as they pass. The idea is for the riders to throw to us and because of that they are not expecting to have something thrown at them. You will not look cool or funny, but you will look like an idiot who does not get out much.
4. Do not follow the float down the street, unless you know someone riding on that float. There will be another float right behind the one that just passed. Wait patiently and get out of the street.
5. Do not fight a child for a pair of beads; actually, do not fight anyone. Beads cost nickels and dimes and are essentially worth nothing.
6. Pace yourself with the drinking. On Mardi Gras day and the weekend before, most people are out on the route for hours before the parade even starts. In order to make it through the whole day (and the whole season) – pace yourself. Do drink water and eat when you can!
7. Do not wear flip flops if you are planning to go to Bourbon Street (that is just a rule no matter when you are here).
Now, for your survival kit – pack a backpack and include the following:
1. A roll of toilet paper
2. Antibacterial hand sanitizer
3. Crackers, a sandwich or some kind of snack if you are not packing a full lunch
4. A koozie in case you switch to beer
5. A few plastic cups in case you, or a friend, need to make a drink on the route
6. A bottle or two of water – stay hydrated
7. Extra of whatever alcohol or beer you are drinking – tip – if you do not want to drag a cooler around all day, wrap your beer can in foil and then put it in a zip lock bag with some ice. This will keep your beer cold if you do not want to drag an ice chest around all day! Also, to conserve space, put your alcohol in empty water bottles.
No matter what, when you come to New Orleans, you will have a blast and if you stick with some of the local traditions and etiquette, it will be even better! The Saturday before Mardi Gras, go to Orleans Avenue and spend the day people watching and cooking out before Endymion. On that Sunday, watch Thoth on Magazine Street and then walk up to St. Charles Avenue to catch Bacchus. If live music is your thing, go hear some of the best cover bands New Orleans has to offer just outside of Harrah’s on Fulton Street before watching Bacchus, which rolls right down the street. Or head to Spanish Plaza on Lundi Gras for an outdoor concert and to see Rex arrive and enjoy a huge crowd of locals and the beautiful city setting. Even in Metairie, parades are rolling every night, so if a more family atmosphere and smaller crowds are more your speed, that’s the place for you.
Take advantage of everything New Orleans and Mardi Gras has to offer and then you can head to Bourbon Street!
Mardi Gras is one of the most significant things related to New Orleans, especially when thought of by someone who is not from here; well, Mardi Gras and Bourbon Street. And if you use the television as your reference, the two go hand in hand, along with a lot of alcohol, nudity and the occasional spicy food. Every local knows that the biggest problem with Mardi Gras and Bourbon street being thought of together is that Mardi Gras actually does not happen on Bourbon Street. It is true that many people party there after the parades, although most of the people on Bourbon are tourists since most of the locals are on the balconies above! Regardless, the reality is that New Orleans has a lot to offer off of Bourbon Street and Mardi Gras has everything to offer nowhere near it.
I’d like to squash a few other stereotypes and put some loGcal rules to the Mardi Gras season so that when you visit, it is not completely obvious that you are a tourist.
1. DO NOT flash, especially for beads – this is definitely something that someone from out of town started and everyone who ever visited followed suit – locals do not do this.
2. Do not show up five minutes before a parade and stand in front of the crowds of people who slept on the route the night before in order to conserve their spot – you will get your ass kicked and if you don’t, you should. Save your own spot or stand in the back.
3. Do not throw beads at the floats as they pass. The idea is for the riders to throw to us and because of that they are not expecting to have something thrown at them. You will not look cool or funny, but you will look like an idiot who does not get out much.
4. Do not follow the float down the street, unless you know someone riding on that float. There will be another float right behind the one that just passed. Wait patiently and get out of the street.
5. Do not fight a child for a pair of beads; actually, do not fight anyone. Beads cost nickels and dimes and are essentially worth nothing.
6. Pace yourself with the drinking. On Mardi Gras day and the weekend before, most people are out on the route for hours before the parade even starts. In order to make it through the whole day (and the whole season) – pace yourself. Do drink water and eat when you can!
7. Do not wear flip flops if you are planning to go to Bourbon Street (that is just a rule no matter when you are here).
Now, for your survival kit – pack a backpack and include the following:
1. A roll of toilet paper
2. Antibacterial hand sanitizer
3. Crackers, a sandwich or some kind of snack if you are not packing a full lunch
4. A koozie in case you switch to beer
5. A few plastic cups in case you, or a friend, need to make a drink on the route
6. A bottle or two of water – stay hydrated
7. Extra of whatever alcohol or beer you are drinking – tip – if you do not want to drag a cooler around all day, wrap your beer can in foil and then put it in a zip lock bag with some ice. This will keep your beer cold if you do not want to drag an ice chest around all day! Also, to conserve space, put your alcohol in empty water bottles.
No matter what, when you come to New Orleans, you will have a blast and if you stick with some of the local traditions and etiquette, it will be even better! The Saturday before Mardi Gras, go to Orleans Avenue and spend the day people watching and cooking out before Endymion. On that Sunday, watch Thoth on Magazine Street and then walk up to St. Charles Avenue to catch Bacchus. If live music is your thing, go hear some of the best cover bands New Orleans has to offer just outside of Harrah’s on Fulton Street before watching Bacchus, which rolls right down the street. Or head to Spanish Plaza on Lundi Gras for an outdoor concert and to see Rex arrive and enjoy a huge crowd of locals and the beautiful city setting. Even in Metairie, parades are rolling every night, so if a more family atmosphere and smaller crowds are more your speed, that’s the place for you.
Take advantage of everything New Orleans and Mardi Gras has to offer and then you can head to Bourbon Street!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Bridesmaid Wars
One role that often brings or comes with controversy in a wedding is the role of a bridesmaid. The question of responsibility is always one that sneaks its way into the mind of at least one of the girls that the bride has blessed with such a sacred privilege. We do not always remember that being asked to be a bridesmaid is in fact a question and can be answered with a NO! Nevertheless, we take our chances and hope that the bride does not break the bank with her choice of dress, accessories, an overwhelming number of showers which will require an overwhelming number of gifts, etc. The truth is that the financial responsibility put on these bridesmaids can get out of control very quickly but, to be honest, sometimes it is not the fault of the bride at all.
I am sure that all of you can think about the countless bridesmaid meetings that you have attended where you and the rest of the girls have gotten together to plan the bridal shower. And I am sure that you can all agree that tensions run high when a group of girls have to agree on the planning of a party, not to mention the picking a dress – but that’s another story! You know that you always have that girl who says “Well if it’s about the money, then I’ll pay it. I do not care,” yet when the planning of the shower is over and the total cost is divided, somehow the price for the mint julep favors that the maid of honor thought would make the party perfect ends up in the final total. You are also familiar with the conversation about budget and how much the group will spend in total, but somehow, when the task list is being completed by each individual, there are always a few people who cannot stay within the budget and the shower ends up costing an extra $50 to $100 a piece. At that point, we all know that she who complains is a bad friend – at least that’s what girls want to make you believe. Well, I’m here to tell you that is not the case.
The situation is this: none of us knows each other’s lives and financial standing enough to say who can afford what. So when it comes to sitting down with a group to plan your obligations to the wedding, stick to the price that you all agreed upon and if you know that if you cannot, then you alone will pay the difference. It is called a budget; learn how to work within one or waste your own money. You cannot expect others to pay the price because you got carried away while shopping for the decorations. (Just a side note, fellow bridesmaids – understand that just because someone cannot afford something or thinks that something is a waste of money does not mean that they care less about the bride than you do.)
Often times control plays such a big role in the tension that comes from the maids getting together to agree on things. Everyone wants to think that they know the bride the best, that they are willing to the do the most and that they have the idea that will change everything. The truth is, you are all important enough to the bride in one way or another that you are in the same boat – you are a bridesmaid. Even you, maid of honor, have to understand that there are other people’s voices involved and the bride is the one that hand-picked these voices whether you like it or not.
The best thing that you all can do is get together, brainstorm ideas and come up with something that works for the majority of the people involved. Share all of your ideas, but understand that if your idea is not accepted by all, your life will go on. Put a budget in place and stick with it. If you think of something that might be a nice addition, consult all of the girls before purchasing it and if it is not agreed on by everyone, either pay for it yourself, or drop it.
Also, be kind enough to understand if there is someone who voices her financial restraints. Proceed in the most budget-minded way possible and then, if you are in good financial standing, you pick up the tab for any extras that you do not want to go without. But please note that bragging about how much more money you spent only makes you look shallow and desperate to buy the friendship of the bride.
Last but not least, do learn how to go with the flow. Learn that not everything is as big of a deal as people make it and learn that drama only makes the experience less fun, so try to avoid it. Communicate, be considerate and open to other’s ideas, but in the end, majority rules.
I am sure that all of you can think about the countless bridesmaid meetings that you have attended where you and the rest of the girls have gotten together to plan the bridal shower. And I am sure that you can all agree that tensions run high when a group of girls have to agree on the planning of a party, not to mention the picking a dress – but that’s another story! You know that you always have that girl who says “Well if it’s about the money, then I’ll pay it. I do not care,” yet when the planning of the shower is over and the total cost is divided, somehow the price for the mint julep favors that the maid of honor thought would make the party perfect ends up in the final total. You are also familiar with the conversation about budget and how much the group will spend in total, but somehow, when the task list is being completed by each individual, there are always a few people who cannot stay within the budget and the shower ends up costing an extra $50 to $100 a piece. At that point, we all know that she who complains is a bad friend – at least that’s what girls want to make you believe. Well, I’m here to tell you that is not the case.
The situation is this: none of us knows each other’s lives and financial standing enough to say who can afford what. So when it comes to sitting down with a group to plan your obligations to the wedding, stick to the price that you all agreed upon and if you know that if you cannot, then you alone will pay the difference. It is called a budget; learn how to work within one or waste your own money. You cannot expect others to pay the price because you got carried away while shopping for the decorations. (Just a side note, fellow bridesmaids – understand that just because someone cannot afford something or thinks that something is a waste of money does not mean that they care less about the bride than you do.)
Often times control plays such a big role in the tension that comes from the maids getting together to agree on things. Everyone wants to think that they know the bride the best, that they are willing to the do the most and that they have the idea that will change everything. The truth is, you are all important enough to the bride in one way or another that you are in the same boat – you are a bridesmaid. Even you, maid of honor, have to understand that there are other people’s voices involved and the bride is the one that hand-picked these voices whether you like it or not.
The best thing that you all can do is get together, brainstorm ideas and come up with something that works for the majority of the people involved. Share all of your ideas, but understand that if your idea is not accepted by all, your life will go on. Put a budget in place and stick with it. If you think of something that might be a nice addition, consult all of the girls before purchasing it and if it is not agreed on by everyone, either pay for it yourself, or drop it.
Also, be kind enough to understand if there is someone who voices her financial restraints. Proceed in the most budget-minded way possible and then, if you are in good financial standing, you pick up the tab for any extras that you do not want to go without. But please note that bragging about how much more money you spent only makes you look shallow and desperate to buy the friendship of the bride.
Last but not least, do learn how to go with the flow. Learn that not everything is as big of a deal as people make it and learn that drama only makes the experience less fun, so try to avoid it. Communicate, be considerate and open to other’s ideas, but in the end, majority rules.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Playlist
Something that has come up recently that is a bit confusing to me is the bride or groom who suddenly thinks they are Timbaland and want to make an actual play list for their band or DJ. I have had brides go so far as to put the songs that they want in order of how they want them to be played. Some actually time out each individual song and each break from beginning to end; all four hours of the night. My question is, why hire a band (or a DJ)? Just plug in an IPOD and call yourself a producer.
First off, I am very much against planning things to that degree. There is no possible way for anyone or anything to live up to expectations of that caliber. The reason behind a schedule or suggested song list is to give the band an idea of the couple’s taste and to give the bride and groom a guideline of how the night will line up. I think if you have time to realize that your songs are out of order, then you are not enjoying your night and you only have yourself to blame for not being able to relinquish control – and you’ve wasted a whole lot of time and money .
Secondly, since when is everyone a music guru? I find this with a lot of couples in relation to their vendors, where the bride and groom think they know more than the professionals. If you find vendors that you trust, then you would not have to give them direction and tell them how to do their jobs. The majority of the bands playing weddings in New Orleans are bands that play weddings every weekend, more or less. Because of this fact, they should be more than experienced enough to know what will get your crowd on the dance floor or how to tell if the party is losing interest. I realize that this is giving a lot of credit to wide variety of people, since every band is different, but for the most part, they should know their job enough to know what works.
When it comes to music for the reception, I tell my girls to go through the song list that the band gives and make two lists; a “do not play” list, which is a list of the songs that the band is not to play under any circumstance even if they are offered money by a guest, and a “must play” list, which includes a few of the bride and groom’s favorite songs. These should be the only song lists that the band (or DJ) is given, other than a list of specialty songs – Bride and Groom’s first dance, Bride and Father of the Bride’s first dance, Groom and mother of the Groom’s first dance and Wedding Party Dance. You should let your band know the overall feel of the wedding or if there’s a genre that you absolutely love. Guiding them is not a problem, but thinking you know how to keep a party going with music is not okay and has the makings of the most horrible receptions I can think of.
Make sure you choose the entertainment for your wedding wisely. Do not have a band play if you know you want a variety of music that only a DJ can provide. And do not pick a brass band if you know you want cover songs with male and female singers. Investigate and search for what you want before committing to something based off of a friend’s recommendation. Most importantly, trust your choices and do not try to control every aspect of everything. Allow your band to do what they do best – entertain the crowd. After all, it is the band getting judged on their performance at your wedding and when you tell them how to do their job, they are getting judged on the boring performance they gave because of your failed music choices. If someone came to your office and directed you to do your job incorrectly, wouldn’t you be upset?
First off, I am very much against planning things to that degree. There is no possible way for anyone or anything to live up to expectations of that caliber. The reason behind a schedule or suggested song list is to give the band an idea of the couple’s taste and to give the bride and groom a guideline of how the night will line up. I think if you have time to realize that your songs are out of order, then you are not enjoying your night and you only have yourself to blame for not being able to relinquish control – and you’ve wasted a whole lot of time and money .
Secondly, since when is everyone a music guru? I find this with a lot of couples in relation to their vendors, where the bride and groom think they know more than the professionals. If you find vendors that you trust, then you would not have to give them direction and tell them how to do their jobs. The majority of the bands playing weddings in New Orleans are bands that play weddings every weekend, more or less. Because of this fact, they should be more than experienced enough to know what will get your crowd on the dance floor or how to tell if the party is losing interest. I realize that this is giving a lot of credit to wide variety of people, since every band is different, but for the most part, they should know their job enough to know what works.
When it comes to music for the reception, I tell my girls to go through the song list that the band gives and make two lists; a “do not play” list, which is a list of the songs that the band is not to play under any circumstance even if they are offered money by a guest, and a “must play” list, which includes a few of the bride and groom’s favorite songs. These should be the only song lists that the band (or DJ) is given, other than a list of specialty songs – Bride and Groom’s first dance, Bride and Father of the Bride’s first dance, Groom and mother of the Groom’s first dance and Wedding Party Dance. You should let your band know the overall feel of the wedding or if there’s a genre that you absolutely love. Guiding them is not a problem, but thinking you know how to keep a party going with music is not okay and has the makings of the most horrible receptions I can think of.
Make sure you choose the entertainment for your wedding wisely. Do not have a band play if you know you want a variety of music that only a DJ can provide. And do not pick a brass band if you know you want cover songs with male and female singers. Investigate and search for what you want before committing to something based off of a friend’s recommendation. Most importantly, trust your choices and do not try to control every aspect of everything. Allow your band to do what they do best – entertain the crowd. After all, it is the band getting judged on their performance at your wedding and when you tell them how to do their job, they are getting judged on the boring performance they gave because of your failed music choices. If someone came to your office and directed you to do your job incorrectly, wouldn’t you be upset?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day and Night
It is no secret that weekend nights, in particular Saturday nights, are the first slots to fill up at any church and/or reception venue in the New Orleans area. The reasoning behind the choice for most people is that they will have the entire day to get ready for the main event – but does extending your prep time mean you are extending the length of your wedding? Although a nice, full day to prepare and a long, rested night to celebrate sounds like the best idea ever, I urge you to consider an option that goes overlooked and undersold yet gives you the opportunity to enjoy more of the day with your new spouse and your wedding guests:
A Day Time Wedding!
Nine times out of ten, my girls hope for an “after party,” some place to go where they can continue the celebration and keep the party kickin’. Nine times out of ten, after hosting bridesmaids and family with prep all afternoon, a 7pm ceremony and a three to four hour reception quickly turns into midnight and the hotel suite starts looking better and better.
A great friend of mine, Ashley Ricord Santos (perhaps you are familiar with her successful acting career in New Orleans) got married on a Saturday at 1pm and it was one of the best weddings I’ve ever been in. By eliminating the afternoon “bonding time,” she was able to use her time celebrating and stretch out her day in the best way possible.
Instead of having to be at a hotel early in the morning to sit around all day while all of the bridesmaids got hair and make-up done, we met an hour before the ceremony already dressed and ready to go! We had the option to come early and spend time together primping or helping the bride get ready, but the tiring process of stretching out the day with activities and mandatory bonding wasn’t necessary.
By noon we were taking pictures and by 1pm we were processing into the church. She had a fabulous reception downtown where lunch was served (instead of dinner) and everyone was feeling great because the morning hadn’t taken everything out of us. The reception ended at about 5:30pm and because it was still early, the entire bridal party, close family and a good number of the guests took the party to the rooftop of the hotel where the bride and groom were staying.
After the reception, Ashley and her husband Michael were able to go to dinner and then come join the rest of us at the “after party” and since everyone had such an easy/fun start, we were all able to keep the party going well into the AM hours. We ended up drinking the night away and having the best end to an incredible wedding day!
Let’s not overlook that another great reason for an afternoon wedding is because of price – a lunch menu can be a lot cheaper than a full dinner spread. A lot of times, there’s more flexibility in booking when it comes to the earlier Saturday hours. You just have to check with the church first to see what times they have available for the ceremony and then you can speak to the reception venue about what they can do in terms of timing and price.
The idea of spending the day with your best girlfriends sipping champagne while someone dolls you up is amazing and it is a whole lot of fun. But how would you feel if you could actually celebrate your wedding all day rather than just prepare all day – and save some money in the process? I think the engagement is enough of a preparation and on the morning of your wedding, there’s something to be said about getting out of bed and getting the show on the road so you can spend more time drinking, dancing and enjoying being married - all day long!
A Day Time Wedding!
Nine times out of ten, my girls hope for an “after party,” some place to go where they can continue the celebration and keep the party kickin’. Nine times out of ten, after hosting bridesmaids and family with prep all afternoon, a 7pm ceremony and a three to four hour reception quickly turns into midnight and the hotel suite starts looking better and better.
A great friend of mine, Ashley Ricord Santos (perhaps you are familiar with her successful acting career in New Orleans) got married on a Saturday at 1pm and it was one of the best weddings I’ve ever been in. By eliminating the afternoon “bonding time,” she was able to use her time celebrating and stretch out her day in the best way possible.
Instead of having to be at a hotel early in the morning to sit around all day while all of the bridesmaids got hair and make-up done, we met an hour before the ceremony already dressed and ready to go! We had the option to come early and spend time together primping or helping the bride get ready, but the tiring process of stretching out the day with activities and mandatory bonding wasn’t necessary.
By noon we were taking pictures and by 1pm we were processing into the church. She had a fabulous reception downtown where lunch was served (instead of dinner) and everyone was feeling great because the morning hadn’t taken everything out of us. The reception ended at about 5:30pm and because it was still early, the entire bridal party, close family and a good number of the guests took the party to the rooftop of the hotel where the bride and groom were staying.
After the reception, Ashley and her husband Michael were able to go to dinner and then come join the rest of us at the “after party” and since everyone had such an easy/fun start, we were all able to keep the party going well into the AM hours. We ended up drinking the night away and having the best end to an incredible wedding day!
Let’s not overlook that another great reason for an afternoon wedding is because of price – a lunch menu can be a lot cheaper than a full dinner spread. A lot of times, there’s more flexibility in booking when it comes to the earlier Saturday hours. You just have to check with the church first to see what times they have available for the ceremony and then you can speak to the reception venue about what they can do in terms of timing and price.
The idea of spending the day with your best girlfriends sipping champagne while someone dolls you up is amazing and it is a whole lot of fun. But how would you feel if you could actually celebrate your wedding all day rather than just prepare all day – and save some money in the process? I think the engagement is enough of a preparation and on the morning of your wedding, there’s something to be said about getting out of bed and getting the show on the road so you can spend more time drinking, dancing and enjoying being married - all day long!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Can I bring a friend?
This week’s blog topic comes from one of “my girls” (better known as a bride that I am working with or have worked with in the past) who is getting married in March. Her invitations went out earlier in the month, and ever since then she has had people texting her, emailing her and facebooking her to ask about bringing additional guests, children or, in some cases, asking outright for an invitation. Most people think this blog, as with any etiquette book or article, is directed to the person hosting the party, receiving the gift or standing at the forefront of the topic being discussed. I have found that in a lot of cases, the etiquette lesson needs to be for the general public attending said event or giving said gift, as is the case here.
When preparing a guest list, many people think about the overall budget as it relates to the price per head for food and alcohol as well as the total capacity that the room can hold before they can even get into their “wish list” of the number they would like to have in attendance. Then the short list is made, which usually includes relatives, close friends and co-workers. This is just for the bride, not including her parents who will surely have the biggest portion of the guest list if they are paying. Once the bride and her parents have their short list, the groom and his parents chime in with their relatives, close friends and possibly their co-workers. By that time, the list has inevitably grown too much to consider it the short list and becomes the long list which starts getting cut.
When I got married, my husband worked in an office of about 50 people – 50 people plus a guest for each of them is already 100 guests. To put it in an even better perspective, the price per head for food and alcohol usually starts at $60/head (and this is a conservative price). 100 guests (50 of which we did not even know) times $60/head is $6,000. Because of this equation, we cut his co-workers first! Unfortunately, along with co-workers that you do not work with directly on a daily basis, this is where the college friends that you have not seen or spoken to in 10 years fall off. Also, often times people go through and take off the “and guest” if there is a potential guest that is not married, engaged or in a serious relationship. After that, you have the famous decision of whether or not children will be invited, but that is a topic for a different blog so I will not go into that.
My point is, there are a lot of things and people to consider when getting down to the final guest list. Not that anyone owes an explanation to the people who did not make it onto the final guest list or to the people that did not get an “and guest,” but I’m being courteous as obviously some of the general public is unaware of what goes into the guest list process. I do think that these same people need to know that whatever is stated on the front and inner envelope of your invitation is who the bride has invited. If your children are invited, it will say “and Family” and then, most of the time, on the inner envelope, each child’s name is listed (or “and Family” will be printed again). If that is not on the envelope, there has been no mistake! Do not call to check with the bride “just to make sure!”
As far as the etiquette goes for the people who choose to believe that technology has given them the opportunity to ease into a rude situation (that they would never put themselves in if they had to deal with the awkwardness of asking such inappropriate things face to face), allow me to clarify this for you – it does not matter if it comes via text, facebook, mail carrier, stork or telegram – inviting yourself to something that you were not invited to is rude and furthermore, asking to bring a friend is grounds for you to be kicked off of the guest list. Be understanding to the circumstances of the host and know that if they had the privilege of inviting an unlimited number of guests, you, your children, your hook up from the night before and more than likely the bartender from the bachelorette party would be on the list – but in real life, that is just not the case.
When preparing a guest list, many people think about the overall budget as it relates to the price per head for food and alcohol as well as the total capacity that the room can hold before they can even get into their “wish list” of the number they would like to have in attendance. Then the short list is made, which usually includes relatives, close friends and co-workers. This is just for the bride, not including her parents who will surely have the biggest portion of the guest list if they are paying. Once the bride and her parents have their short list, the groom and his parents chime in with their relatives, close friends and possibly their co-workers. By that time, the list has inevitably grown too much to consider it the short list and becomes the long list which starts getting cut.
When I got married, my husband worked in an office of about 50 people – 50 people plus a guest for each of them is already 100 guests. To put it in an even better perspective, the price per head for food and alcohol usually starts at $60/head (and this is a conservative price). 100 guests (50 of which we did not even know) times $60/head is $6,000. Because of this equation, we cut his co-workers first! Unfortunately, along with co-workers that you do not work with directly on a daily basis, this is where the college friends that you have not seen or spoken to in 10 years fall off. Also, often times people go through and take off the “and guest” if there is a potential guest that is not married, engaged or in a serious relationship. After that, you have the famous decision of whether or not children will be invited, but that is a topic for a different blog so I will not go into that.
My point is, there are a lot of things and people to consider when getting down to the final guest list. Not that anyone owes an explanation to the people who did not make it onto the final guest list or to the people that did not get an “and guest,” but I’m being courteous as obviously some of the general public is unaware of what goes into the guest list process. I do think that these same people need to know that whatever is stated on the front and inner envelope of your invitation is who the bride has invited. If your children are invited, it will say “and Family” and then, most of the time, on the inner envelope, each child’s name is listed (or “and Family” will be printed again). If that is not on the envelope, there has been no mistake! Do not call to check with the bride “just to make sure!”
As far as the etiquette goes for the people who choose to believe that technology has given them the opportunity to ease into a rude situation (that they would never put themselves in if they had to deal with the awkwardness of asking such inappropriate things face to face), allow me to clarify this for you – it does not matter if it comes via text, facebook, mail carrier, stork or telegram – inviting yourself to something that you were not invited to is rude and furthermore, asking to bring a friend is grounds for you to be kicked off of the guest list. Be understanding to the circumstances of the host and know that if they had the privilege of inviting an unlimited number of guests, you, your children, your hook up from the night before and more than likely the bartender from the bachelorette party would be on the list – but in real life, that is just not the case.
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