After a much needed break from this blog due to a very busy wedding season, Kim Kardashian has given me the energy to once again get fired up about the stupidity of people. I am not only talking about the stupidity that is Kim Kardashian thinking that marrying Kris Humphries was a good idea, but I am talking about the ignorance that fans have shown by being shocked that this marriage didn’t work out.
First off, I found it extremely hard to even watch the wedding, which should say a lot since weddings are my favorite thing in life. I have tried at least four different times to watch the entire 2 hour event, but somehow I still can’t make it thru. The reason I cannot make it thru is because of the ridiculousness of Kris Humphries.
I am an extreme Kardashian fan and many people close to me know that I consider myself to be the fourth Kardashian and I would marry Rob just to make that my reality. My name already starts with a K and I have the black hair and everything so it’s a great fit, but that’s a different subject all together. At any rate, I think Kim is great and I think the idea of being married is wonderful, but Kris Humphries, really? He has been an idiot since day one and the wedding special showed him as the idiot for 2 hours instead of only 30 minutes.
Even with all of this said, my irritation does not come from Kim or Kris in this situation – it comes from the fans out there who thought this was going to last. And for those of you who are talking about how Lamar and Khloe have lasted longer even though they dated for a shorter period of time, I just have one main difference which should always be the dead give-away of the future a couple will have together. When we saw the special of Lamar and Khloe getting married, did you see Lamar anywhere near the planning of the wedding? No, I think not. Yet in the two hour time period that we had to suffer through the wedding special of Kim and Kris, I believe we saw Kris crying about the details more than the bride herself. That should say something.
Essentially, this entry should be all about one of my least favorite things in the world of weddings, the Groomzilla, but I shall rant about that another day. This entry will simply serve as a warning to the brides out there; if you learn only one thing from the Kardasians, learn this – if your groom is more interested in the flowers and the ice carving than you are, run, don’t walk, away immediately. If your groom won’t even let you have the wedding that you have always dreamed of, I doubt he’ll be supportive of anything else throughout your married life. Just a thought!
In this case, Kim got what she needed from Kris, 10 million dollars for the rights to her wedding. In the real world, with a groom like that, you’ll be getting a lot of heartache and backlash from your family. It’s reality TV people – don’t read too much into it, but always beware of the Groomzilla.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It’s not about you!
When I was sixteen years old, my best friend (since the age of six) lost her father to a horrible battle with cancer. On the day of the funeral, after the service, I met my parents in the back of the church where I began crying uncontrollably for the first time since his diagnosis. The funny thing is that my immediate thought for my friend was, “Who will walk her down the aisle at her wedding?” Since I was not a person who grew up dreaming of her wedding day, that was an odd thought when you consider all of the other key moments her and her sisters would experience without their father.
The truth is no matter how cynical of a person you are and how non-traditional you think your wedding will be, most people who have relationships with their parents dream of having them involved in their wedding day. Some little girls grow up dreaming of planning their wedding with their mother while Daddy supportively writes checks and then swoops in on the day of the wedding to walk his baby girl down the aisle. The planning process is a breeze, the night flows perfectly and you can prove it all by the photographer catching that “money shot” of Dad kissing one cheek while Mom kisses the other.
Unfortunately, our parents do not always cooperate with our visions – much of the time because of reasons that could be helped – and their selfishness and stubborn attitudes prevent sane decisions. The reality is that I’ve had more than one client who had to deal with parents threatening not to attend their child’s wedding due to things not being done the way they wanted them done. In one case, I had a father follow through and not show up to the wedding at all and I am on the verge of a case where a mother will not be in attendance.
It is perfectly normal to get emotional about decisions made while planning such a big event. The wedding is essentially about the bride and the groom joining their lives, but I can see where Mom might get a bit competitive with her friends who recently had daughters get married. Wanting everything to be perfect is typical when you love someone, and we know that most parents always want everything perfect for their children. But there is a difference between the parents who want things perfect for their child – and those who want it for themselves.
When you start threatening to skip the wedding, if your child does not choose the favors that you want, you might want to step back and check yourself. When you are not even paying for the wedding and you cannot seem to stop saying the words “I want, I want, I want” that’s called selfish. And when you cut off all contact with your child in the middle of the planning process and then show up the week of the wedding just to look good to your friends, you probably do not deserve to be there.
Can any parent out there please explain to me why your child not getting married in a Catholic Church or not having the cake you were hoping for is worth losing the relationship and missing one of the most important days of their life? It is my job to up-sell and I make a living off of people believing that they need to consistently out-do the friend that married the weekend before them, but even I do not get it! I guess one of the things that sets me apart from other people in the business is that I’m still a realist, and the reality is that no amount of flowers or choirs singing at a wedding ceremony is worth jeopardizing a relationship with someone you love.
I know there are people out there who can flip this and say, “Why not just give in to your parents if it means that much to them?” The answer – because it’s not about them! It is hard enough to plan a wedding these days without having the extra drama of a parent who just needs attention.
I know this might be my most harsh entry yet, but I cannot stand to listen to one more crying bride who feels that she is at the mercy of a parent who couldn’t care less about the true meaning of her special day. You know that I will be the first to call out a bride on her attitude and I believe, especially when parents are paying, everyone needs to keep their priorities in check and pick their battles. But the parents’ threats and walking out is getting really old.
For all the parents out there who think that not inviting your seventh cousin once-removed is more emotionally draining then never speaking to your child again, please think about the parents who would do anything possible just to see their child get married. Life is short and monumental moments are few and far between, so if you are lucky enough to be on Earth to enjoy them together, sit back, enjoy the cocktails and thank God for giving you one more memory with your family!
The truth is no matter how cynical of a person you are and how non-traditional you think your wedding will be, most people who have relationships with their parents dream of having them involved in their wedding day. Some little girls grow up dreaming of planning their wedding with their mother while Daddy supportively writes checks and then swoops in on the day of the wedding to walk his baby girl down the aisle. The planning process is a breeze, the night flows perfectly and you can prove it all by the photographer catching that “money shot” of Dad kissing one cheek while Mom kisses the other.
Unfortunately, our parents do not always cooperate with our visions – much of the time because of reasons that could be helped – and their selfishness and stubborn attitudes prevent sane decisions. The reality is that I’ve had more than one client who had to deal with parents threatening not to attend their child’s wedding due to things not being done the way they wanted them done. In one case, I had a father follow through and not show up to the wedding at all and I am on the verge of a case where a mother will not be in attendance.
It is perfectly normal to get emotional about decisions made while planning such a big event. The wedding is essentially about the bride and the groom joining their lives, but I can see where Mom might get a bit competitive with her friends who recently had daughters get married. Wanting everything to be perfect is typical when you love someone, and we know that most parents always want everything perfect for their children. But there is a difference between the parents who want things perfect for their child – and those who want it for themselves.
When you start threatening to skip the wedding, if your child does not choose the favors that you want, you might want to step back and check yourself. When you are not even paying for the wedding and you cannot seem to stop saying the words “I want, I want, I want” that’s called selfish. And when you cut off all contact with your child in the middle of the planning process and then show up the week of the wedding just to look good to your friends, you probably do not deserve to be there.
Can any parent out there please explain to me why your child not getting married in a Catholic Church or not having the cake you were hoping for is worth losing the relationship and missing one of the most important days of their life? It is my job to up-sell and I make a living off of people believing that they need to consistently out-do the friend that married the weekend before them, but even I do not get it! I guess one of the things that sets me apart from other people in the business is that I’m still a realist, and the reality is that no amount of flowers or choirs singing at a wedding ceremony is worth jeopardizing a relationship with someone you love.
I know there are people out there who can flip this and say, “Why not just give in to your parents if it means that much to them?” The answer – because it’s not about them! It is hard enough to plan a wedding these days without having the extra drama of a parent who just needs attention.
I know this might be my most harsh entry yet, but I cannot stand to listen to one more crying bride who feels that she is at the mercy of a parent who couldn’t care less about the true meaning of her special day. You know that I will be the first to call out a bride on her attitude and I believe, especially when parents are paying, everyone needs to keep their priorities in check and pick their battles. But the parents’ threats and walking out is getting really old.
For all the parents out there who think that not inviting your seventh cousin once-removed is more emotionally draining then never speaking to your child again, please think about the parents who would do anything possible just to see their child get married. Life is short and monumental moments are few and far between, so if you are lucky enough to be on Earth to enjoy them together, sit back, enjoy the cocktails and thank God for giving you one more memory with your family!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Perfect Prep
Your wedding day is typically filled with anxiety and nerves which are perfectly normal for any bride – no matter how much you plan. The excitement of getting married and finally having reached the day you’ve dreamed of can overload even the most solid of brides-to-be with emotions she’s never felt before. However, there are ways to make the day run as smoothly as possible, keeping the stress to a minimum, and it’s all about scheduling, being prepared and going with the flow. Here are some tips to help you do just that:
1. The schedule – One of the most important things to have on your wedding day is a schedule stating the flow of the day, in particular if you and your bridesmaids are getting your hair and make-up done. Although the schedule is most important, be careful not to be too controlling with the timing. You only need to schedule the time period that it will take to complete the entire group, you do not need to map out which girl will be in the chair at each time slot. Trying to control things too much will only make it impossible to obtain your goal, causing you to fail before you begin.
2. Let them come to you – Typically, the hair dresser and make-up artists will come to the bride’s house or hotel room the morning of the wedding. Having them come to you is the best thing possible so that you do not have to account for travel time, regrouping the troops, etc. Being able to wake up and have everyone come to you often makes the bride feel more relaxed and less rushed from the start of the day.
3. Make it possible to sleep in – Starting at a time that is later than the crack of dawn helps you feel relaxed and not worn out by the time the big event takes place. In order to ensure that you can sleep in, you want to assess just how many girls are getting their hair and make-up done and how long it will take each person to get each service completed. At that point, you need to decide if it’s best to have two hair dressers or make-up artists in order to get everyone done in less time. This could mean the difference between starting at 7:30am in order to get 7 girls ready by 3pm or being able to start the prep at 11am in order to get 7 girls ready by the start of photos.
4. Check with your photographer - Before finalizing the schedule for the prep, you’ll want to check with your photographer to make sure you are giving him/her enough time to complete pictures before heading to the church. You will want to check on the arrival time of the photographer if you want your prep photographed. Ultimately, you will need your bridesmaids to be dressed and completely ready before you get into your dress. After you are completely dressed with jewelry, the veil, etc. the photographer can begin taking portraits and group shots. You will want to check with the photographer to find out whether or not a second shooter will be on hand to photograph the groom and his groomsmen at the church before the ceremony. This can change the time that he/she will start pictures of the girls depending on whether or not he/she has to leave to make it to the church.
5. EAT, DRINK and RELAX - Make sure to have lunch brought in for you and your girls so that you have something in your stomach before the night begins. Most brides do not eat enough on the night of the wedding, even when time is allotted for such, but having lunch and snacks during the day helps to keep your energy up and absorb some of the alcohol that you will be consuming throughout the event. A glass of two of champagne or wine is nothing to worry about while relaxing with your girls on the day of your wedding, but make sure you save the real party for the reception.
I should have prefaced by saying that this type of relaxation only comes from having a planner, a good friend or a great venue that provides someone you trust to set up the reception venue and make sure everything is in place. Not having to worry about when your vendors are showing up, travel schedules or who is handling the extra details at the church and/or reception venue is the top priority for any bride. Once you have that taken care of, you are free to work out the other steps to a relaxing day. Just make sure that you and your vendors know the schedule prior to the morning of the wedding and that the times match with everyone’s responsibilities. Try to have vendors come to you to avoid travel confusion and losing items. Do not forget to eat, eat, eat and have a cocktail if the spirit moves you!
1. The schedule – One of the most important things to have on your wedding day is a schedule stating the flow of the day, in particular if you and your bridesmaids are getting your hair and make-up done. Although the schedule is most important, be careful not to be too controlling with the timing. You only need to schedule the time period that it will take to complete the entire group, you do not need to map out which girl will be in the chair at each time slot. Trying to control things too much will only make it impossible to obtain your goal, causing you to fail before you begin.
2. Let them come to you – Typically, the hair dresser and make-up artists will come to the bride’s house or hotel room the morning of the wedding. Having them come to you is the best thing possible so that you do not have to account for travel time, regrouping the troops, etc. Being able to wake up and have everyone come to you often makes the bride feel more relaxed and less rushed from the start of the day.
3. Make it possible to sleep in – Starting at a time that is later than the crack of dawn helps you feel relaxed and not worn out by the time the big event takes place. In order to ensure that you can sleep in, you want to assess just how many girls are getting their hair and make-up done and how long it will take each person to get each service completed. At that point, you need to decide if it’s best to have two hair dressers or make-up artists in order to get everyone done in less time. This could mean the difference between starting at 7:30am in order to get 7 girls ready by 3pm or being able to start the prep at 11am in order to get 7 girls ready by the start of photos.
4. Check with your photographer - Before finalizing the schedule for the prep, you’ll want to check with your photographer to make sure you are giving him/her enough time to complete pictures before heading to the church. You will want to check on the arrival time of the photographer if you want your prep photographed. Ultimately, you will need your bridesmaids to be dressed and completely ready before you get into your dress. After you are completely dressed with jewelry, the veil, etc. the photographer can begin taking portraits and group shots. You will want to check with the photographer to find out whether or not a second shooter will be on hand to photograph the groom and his groomsmen at the church before the ceremony. This can change the time that he/she will start pictures of the girls depending on whether or not he/she has to leave to make it to the church.
5. EAT, DRINK and RELAX - Make sure to have lunch brought in for you and your girls so that you have something in your stomach before the night begins. Most brides do not eat enough on the night of the wedding, even when time is allotted for such, but having lunch and snacks during the day helps to keep your energy up and absorb some of the alcohol that you will be consuming throughout the event. A glass of two of champagne or wine is nothing to worry about while relaxing with your girls on the day of your wedding, but make sure you save the real party for the reception.
I should have prefaced by saying that this type of relaxation only comes from having a planner, a good friend or a great venue that provides someone you trust to set up the reception venue and make sure everything is in place. Not having to worry about when your vendors are showing up, travel schedules or who is handling the extra details at the church and/or reception venue is the top priority for any bride. Once you have that taken care of, you are free to work out the other steps to a relaxing day. Just make sure that you and your vendors know the schedule prior to the morning of the wedding and that the times match with everyone’s responsibilities. Try to have vendors come to you to avoid travel confusion and losing items. Do not forget to eat, eat, eat and have a cocktail if the spirit moves you!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
The out-of-town photographer
Last month I worked with a photographer who was from out of town and wanted to take pictures of the bride and groom after the ceremony, since they were not going to see each other before the big walk down the aisle. This sounds pretty traditional, but this particular photographer wanted over an hour for pictures of just the bride and groom (not including bridal party or families). I had to explain to this professional that the reception was only three hours long so we could not possibly dedicate an entire hour to a portrait session of the bride and groom.
This is just one example of the issues that I’ve found with the sudden outbreak of New Orleans brides bringing in photographers from other parts of the country. For the most part, I find that the brides are picking these out-of-town photographers in order to gain the fresh eye that he/she brings to the table. Often times, I hear brides say that they want something different from the photos on the websites of some New Orleans photographers, being that they can appear cookie-cutter or “insert bride here,” as I like to say. By bringing in a person who does not shoot in the church or reception venue with the same city background every weekend, you get to see a new perspective in turn making your pictures seem fresh, new or different.
While the fresh eye is a perk, some may rather the carbon copy of the wedding prior to theirs if it means they don’t have to spend 5 hours taking pictures before the reception or wake up at 7am in order to be ready 5 hours prior to their ceremony.
Some people may not get this, but New Orleans has its own way of doing everything, especially weddings. We are not representative of a traditional “Southern” wedding and we know we do not have any similarities to the way it’s done up North. We do it the way we do it here in New Orleans; plain and simple.
There’s a definite protocol or formula to a New Orleans wedding, and having a local means having someone who understands the sensitive time restraints that we are working with. The locals also understand the geographic time in which to travel and how to get from Uptown to Downtown in only 3 minutes when it takes the bridal party (with police escorts) 10 minutes.
We do not often have an hour of cocktails, a two hour seated dinner and then a 3 hour reception which would allow a photographer plenty of time to play with poses and creative range. In New Orleans we have three to four hour receptions, most of time. So the photographer has a certain amount of time prior to the ceremony to take the bride’s pictures with her bridesmaids and family members, the groom’s pictures with his groomsmen and family members and then after the ceremony there’s a 30 minute window to take the bride and groom with the entire bridal party and family members. In some cases, when taking pictures in the church, the photographers are only granted 15 minutes for said pictures before the “church lady” rushes us out.
In the Big Easy, part of the nature of the beast is being able to get the job done in a timely manner without rushing the bride and groom all the while still being creative and getting the perfect shot. Although some of the out-of-town talent that I’ve seen did the research and learned how to adjust to the New Orleans way, my suggestion for the girls out there who want something “different” is to dive into the local pool and meet with your photographer. Talk to him or her about what is visually important to you. There are cons to some of the photographers who do weddings here every weekend, but most of the time their attitudes and inabilities to be flexible are where they fall short, but being creative and capturing what you want in the creative way that you want it is something that can be fixed with a simple conversation.
Before you rush out to pay double the price for a photographer that may make you miss half of your special day, dig deeper into the locals who are just as great as the “fresh eye” you think you’ll be bringing in. Sometimes they just need a push to realize how far they can stretch their imaginations. And for the local shutterbugs who aren’t willing to get more creative and less rigid, you can find another photographer just around the corner who has the experience to know that this industry is ever changing, the courage to take risks when it comes to his or her creativity and the flexibility to roll with the punches.
This is just one example of the issues that I’ve found with the sudden outbreak of New Orleans brides bringing in photographers from other parts of the country. For the most part, I find that the brides are picking these out-of-town photographers in order to gain the fresh eye that he/she brings to the table. Often times, I hear brides say that they want something different from the photos on the websites of some New Orleans photographers, being that they can appear cookie-cutter or “insert bride here,” as I like to say. By bringing in a person who does not shoot in the church or reception venue with the same city background every weekend, you get to see a new perspective in turn making your pictures seem fresh, new or different.
While the fresh eye is a perk, some may rather the carbon copy of the wedding prior to theirs if it means they don’t have to spend 5 hours taking pictures before the reception or wake up at 7am in order to be ready 5 hours prior to their ceremony.
Some people may not get this, but New Orleans has its own way of doing everything, especially weddings. We are not representative of a traditional “Southern” wedding and we know we do not have any similarities to the way it’s done up North. We do it the way we do it here in New Orleans; plain and simple.
There’s a definite protocol or formula to a New Orleans wedding, and having a local means having someone who understands the sensitive time restraints that we are working with. The locals also understand the geographic time in which to travel and how to get from Uptown to Downtown in only 3 minutes when it takes the bridal party (with police escorts) 10 minutes.
We do not often have an hour of cocktails, a two hour seated dinner and then a 3 hour reception which would allow a photographer plenty of time to play with poses and creative range. In New Orleans we have three to four hour receptions, most of time. So the photographer has a certain amount of time prior to the ceremony to take the bride’s pictures with her bridesmaids and family members, the groom’s pictures with his groomsmen and family members and then after the ceremony there’s a 30 minute window to take the bride and groom with the entire bridal party and family members. In some cases, when taking pictures in the church, the photographers are only granted 15 minutes for said pictures before the “church lady” rushes us out.
In the Big Easy, part of the nature of the beast is being able to get the job done in a timely manner without rushing the bride and groom all the while still being creative and getting the perfect shot. Although some of the out-of-town talent that I’ve seen did the research and learned how to adjust to the New Orleans way, my suggestion for the girls out there who want something “different” is to dive into the local pool and meet with your photographer. Talk to him or her about what is visually important to you. There are cons to some of the photographers who do weddings here every weekend, but most of the time their attitudes and inabilities to be flexible are where they fall short, but being creative and capturing what you want in the creative way that you want it is something that can be fixed with a simple conversation.
Before you rush out to pay double the price for a photographer that may make you miss half of your special day, dig deeper into the locals who are just as great as the “fresh eye” you think you’ll be bringing in. Sometimes they just need a push to realize how far they can stretch their imaginations. And for the local shutterbugs who aren’t willing to get more creative and less rigid, you can find another photographer just around the corner who has the experience to know that this industry is ever changing, the courage to take risks when it comes to his or her creativity and the flexibility to roll with the punches.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Onesie
I had a wedding a few weeks ago and everything was perfect, if I do say so myself. The bride was dressed in a $10,000 Maggie Sottera gown, while the bridesmaids pranced around in their purple Vera Wang floor length formals, with the groomsmen sporting simple, formal, black tuxedos and the 1 year old baby who was not on the guest list showed off her best animal-printed onesie!! Did I mention is was 11:30pm when the mother of the child decided to bring this animal-printed baby on the dance floor with the bride and groom who specifically stated on their invitation “Adult Reception?”
In case there are parents out there that do not know what I am getting at, here’s the point. First, it’s 11:30pm; why is there a 1 year old hanging out at a party at this time of night? Secondly, why do people feel that the rules do not apply to them just because they have children? If I wanted to bring 5 guests instead of my “plus 1” wouldn’t I be considered rude for that? Third, an animal print onesie – I have no comment!
Whether or not children should be invited to wedding receptions is a totally different topic all together. Children involved in weddings as a general subject seems to get a bit sticky for almost every couple that I’ve worked with or known when planning their weddings. I think it’s each person’s right to decide whether or not they invite or involve children in their special day but, trust me, I will have a future entry expressing my thought on that matter. Currently, my issue is with the guests/parents who ignore the couple’s wishes to not include little ones.
Speaking for myself, as a guest who does not have children (but does have a lot of friends and a puppy), is it appropriate for me to bring my “wolf pack” all because I think everyone should support my lifestyle? I understand that sometimes a babysitter is hard to find, but it doesn’t mean that you disregard the hosts of a party and bring the person they asked you not to bring. As a parent, there are some things that you miss out on and perhaps this wedding was one thing the parent of this “printed princess” should have missed.
My biggest issue with this specific situation is that the child was the bride’s niece (she was the bride’s brother’s baby). While some of you might think that makes the situation worse on the part of the bride, I think it makes it worse on the part of the parents. The bride was confronted by her brother and sister-in-law before the wedding and they expressed their desire to have their child in attendance and at that point, the bride explained why she decided not to include her niece. As far as we were concerned, the issue was over and done with, but I guess people will do what they wanna! The fact is this isn’t the only time this has happened and in some other cases, the children have been older – running around, screaming, jumping in pictures, sliding on the dance floor and all the while not realizing that their parents have turned them into “wedding crashers.”
Parents out there, please, try to think about your wedding day. Think about the things that were important to you. Maybe it was most important to you to have purple flowers and fried oysters. What if the florist decided that she was in a pink mood that day so that’s what she brought and the chef decided that if he slipped in fried shrimp instead, no one would notice? To some people, their guest list takes precedence and, while I’m sure your child is just lovely, it’s not personal so stop making it about your children and start thinking of other people. I’m sure that when you got married, your friends were at your wedding drinking, dancing and concentrating on you. Give them the same courtesy. After all, people are inviting you to their event because you are a person that they are friends with, not because you are the mother of “Anna Animal Print”!
In case there are parents out there that do not know what I am getting at, here’s the point. First, it’s 11:30pm; why is there a 1 year old hanging out at a party at this time of night? Secondly, why do people feel that the rules do not apply to them just because they have children? If I wanted to bring 5 guests instead of my “plus 1” wouldn’t I be considered rude for that? Third, an animal print onesie – I have no comment!
Whether or not children should be invited to wedding receptions is a totally different topic all together. Children involved in weddings as a general subject seems to get a bit sticky for almost every couple that I’ve worked with or known when planning their weddings. I think it’s each person’s right to decide whether or not they invite or involve children in their special day but, trust me, I will have a future entry expressing my thought on that matter. Currently, my issue is with the guests/parents who ignore the couple’s wishes to not include little ones.
Speaking for myself, as a guest who does not have children (but does have a lot of friends and a puppy), is it appropriate for me to bring my “wolf pack” all because I think everyone should support my lifestyle? I understand that sometimes a babysitter is hard to find, but it doesn’t mean that you disregard the hosts of a party and bring the person they asked you not to bring. As a parent, there are some things that you miss out on and perhaps this wedding was one thing the parent of this “printed princess” should have missed.
My biggest issue with this specific situation is that the child was the bride’s niece (she was the bride’s brother’s baby). While some of you might think that makes the situation worse on the part of the bride, I think it makes it worse on the part of the parents. The bride was confronted by her brother and sister-in-law before the wedding and they expressed their desire to have their child in attendance and at that point, the bride explained why she decided not to include her niece. As far as we were concerned, the issue was over and done with, but I guess people will do what they wanna! The fact is this isn’t the only time this has happened and in some other cases, the children have been older – running around, screaming, jumping in pictures, sliding on the dance floor and all the while not realizing that their parents have turned them into “wedding crashers.”
Parents out there, please, try to think about your wedding day. Think about the things that were important to you. Maybe it was most important to you to have purple flowers and fried oysters. What if the florist decided that she was in a pink mood that day so that’s what she brought and the chef decided that if he slipped in fried shrimp instead, no one would notice? To some people, their guest list takes precedence and, while I’m sure your child is just lovely, it’s not personal so stop making it about your children and start thinking of other people. I’m sure that when you got married, your friends were at your wedding drinking, dancing and concentrating on you. Give them the same courtesy. After all, people are inviting you to their event because you are a person that they are friends with, not because you are the mother of “Anna Animal Print”!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Calling It Off
Recently I’ve had conversations with several different people regarding the same wedding related topic which leads me to believe that it is time to cover a subject that most brides will feel does not apply to them, until it does. The topic that I am referring to is the ever delicate” calling off the wedding”. How do you do it, when do you know you should do it and what about the money already spent on the wedding? Not to mention, what do you do with gifts that have already been received?
Since I myself fell into the category of brides who thought they would only be engaged once, I can give you some first-hand answers and advice that I hope will help the confused brides realize that sometimes calling off the wedding can be a lot less stressful than going through with a marriage that is being questioned before you even make it down the aisle.
So how do you know when it’s right to get married? Unfortunately I do not have one clear answer for that, but I can tell you that for me, I knew the wedding was bigger than the marriage. When I took a minute to stop thinking about the wedding day and thought about the days after the wedding; you know, when the honeymoon was over and we had to live together and raise a family, I realized that I was caught up in the planning of the wedding while the planning of the marriage had clearly stopped. I realized quickly that we were moving in two different directions, and I considered myself lucky to have admitted it before we took such a serious step.
After the decision has been made, what about the vendors and the money that’s been paid? Nine times out of ten, the money that you’ve already spent on the wedding is gone never to be seen again. But in rare cases, such as mine, deposits can be used toward another event. I was very lucky in the fact that my photographer, venue and florist all put my previously paid deposits toward my actual wedding, which took place two years after I called off the first one. Often times, the sooner you tell the vendor about the cancelation the better chance they have at rebooking the date and that leaves you a better chance of either getting your deposit back or being able to use it toward a later event. In most cases though, you should assume that the money is gone and will not be used again – so be prepared for that as each vendor has their own policy and it is typically listed in the contract. Especially when it comes to the venue, read the contract because it lists interim payments and minimum guaranteed payments that you are locked into once you sign and are due whether you end up having your event there or not.
The vendors are one thing, but what’s the proper way to handle gifts that were already received from guests and family members? If they are wedding gifts, they must be returned, plain and simple. If you had an engagement party or a shower and the gift can be returned, you should return it, but obviously if you’ve already used the gift, there’s nothing you can do. For example, I had an engagement party the first time around, but I did not call off the wedding until 5 months later so a lot of the gifts had already moved into the place we would live and were being used by the should-have-been groom. The gifts that were not yet touched were given back at the time we called the wedding off.
The money lost and the awkwardness of returning a gift seem to be the only things that stick into the heads of the brides or grooms who may be second guessing their decision to get married. Trust me, it is not an easy decision to come to and the months following are filled with hurt feelings, bitter questions and empty pockets. I once heard a girl talking about her wedding saying “I just keep thinking that I’ll go thru with it without thinking, like taking medicine, and then it’s just done and I’ll be fine.” The thought of this girl going to her parents and telling them that she did not want to get married after all was too much for her to consider, and that’s usually the reason people go thru with something that they question so heavily.
One of the biggest things I’ve realized by being in this business and opening up about my own experiences is that this happens a lot more often than people like to talk about. And it also enters the mind of a bride more than she’d like to admit, but I can also attest to the fact that the brides who followed their hearts and postponed or called off the wedding all together have been more grateful for their strength than the bride who wished she would have spoken up. I was amazed by the number of girls who came to me after I called my wedding off who told me that they thought about not going thru with their wedding up until the second they walked down the aisle. Those girls were all divorced within the first five years being married. On the other hand, the vast majority of girls I know who have called off their weddings are now happily married and had beautiful weddings (and despite the fact that all of our parents swore they would not pay for another wedding – they did)!
Since I myself fell into the category of brides who thought they would only be engaged once, I can give you some first-hand answers and advice that I hope will help the confused brides realize that sometimes calling off the wedding can be a lot less stressful than going through with a marriage that is being questioned before you even make it down the aisle.
So how do you know when it’s right to get married? Unfortunately I do not have one clear answer for that, but I can tell you that for me, I knew the wedding was bigger than the marriage. When I took a minute to stop thinking about the wedding day and thought about the days after the wedding; you know, when the honeymoon was over and we had to live together and raise a family, I realized that I was caught up in the planning of the wedding while the planning of the marriage had clearly stopped. I realized quickly that we were moving in two different directions, and I considered myself lucky to have admitted it before we took such a serious step.
After the decision has been made, what about the vendors and the money that’s been paid? Nine times out of ten, the money that you’ve already spent on the wedding is gone never to be seen again. But in rare cases, such as mine, deposits can be used toward another event. I was very lucky in the fact that my photographer, venue and florist all put my previously paid deposits toward my actual wedding, which took place two years after I called off the first one. Often times, the sooner you tell the vendor about the cancelation the better chance they have at rebooking the date and that leaves you a better chance of either getting your deposit back or being able to use it toward a later event. In most cases though, you should assume that the money is gone and will not be used again – so be prepared for that as each vendor has their own policy and it is typically listed in the contract. Especially when it comes to the venue, read the contract because it lists interim payments and minimum guaranteed payments that you are locked into once you sign and are due whether you end up having your event there or not.
The vendors are one thing, but what’s the proper way to handle gifts that were already received from guests and family members? If they are wedding gifts, they must be returned, plain and simple. If you had an engagement party or a shower and the gift can be returned, you should return it, but obviously if you’ve already used the gift, there’s nothing you can do. For example, I had an engagement party the first time around, but I did not call off the wedding until 5 months later so a lot of the gifts had already moved into the place we would live and were being used by the should-have-been groom. The gifts that were not yet touched were given back at the time we called the wedding off.
The money lost and the awkwardness of returning a gift seem to be the only things that stick into the heads of the brides or grooms who may be second guessing their decision to get married. Trust me, it is not an easy decision to come to and the months following are filled with hurt feelings, bitter questions and empty pockets. I once heard a girl talking about her wedding saying “I just keep thinking that I’ll go thru with it without thinking, like taking medicine, and then it’s just done and I’ll be fine.” The thought of this girl going to her parents and telling them that she did not want to get married after all was too much for her to consider, and that’s usually the reason people go thru with something that they question so heavily.
One of the biggest things I’ve realized by being in this business and opening up about my own experiences is that this happens a lot more often than people like to talk about. And it also enters the mind of a bride more than she’d like to admit, but I can also attest to the fact that the brides who followed their hearts and postponed or called off the wedding all together have been more grateful for their strength than the bride who wished she would have spoken up. I was amazed by the number of girls who came to me after I called my wedding off who told me that they thought about not going thru with their wedding up until the second they walked down the aisle. Those girls were all divorced within the first five years being married. On the other hand, the vast majority of girls I know who have called off their weddings are now happily married and had beautiful weddings (and despite the fact that all of our parents swore they would not pay for another wedding – they did)!
Friday, May 6, 2011
For a very special mother this mother's day......
This week’s blog is dedicated to my aunt who lost her battle with cancer two months ago. While going through her pictures in preparation for her memorial, we found her wedding album with all of her old receipts and planning details. I thought it might be fun to share the information from the past with all of you and take a look back at how pricing and details have changed when compared to today! In light of the fact that it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and also the 1 year wedding anniversary for my cousin Traci, I thought I would compare my aunt’s retro wedding to her daughter’s more current affair.
First and foremost, just to give a reference of the difference in financial status, the average salary in 1974 was $8,030.76, according to the national average wage index. In 2009 (since 2010 has yet to be updated), the average salary was $40,711.61 – that’s 5 times the money that was being made in a 35 year span.
My aunt was married on May 18, 1974. Her invitation had a picture of a bride and a groom kissing on the front of it and the scenery appears to be a forest of some sort, which already screams “1970’s.” She was married at St. Christopher Church in Metairie and had her reception at the Champagne Room on Jefferson Highway, which was one of the most expensive reception halls at that time, according to my mother! The church, from my mother’s memory, was free as long as you paid the priest and gave “a little something” to the altar boys. My aunt had a 3 hour reception for 300 guests and the package included food, alcohol, the wedding cake, engraved napkins, coffee service and the use of palm trees, which was apparently serious back then! The service charge was 15% and the grand total - $1656.25 (which breaks down to $5.52/head)
Her daughter, Traci, was married on May 8, 2010. Her invitation was on plain ivory thicker card stock with black print which is more traditional in this millennium – no picture, no fold, just a straight forward invitation! She was married at St. Patrick’s Church in New Orleans and her reception was at the Chicory on South Peters, which was brand new at the time of Traci’s wedding. St. Patrick’s charged $2,000.00 plus a coordinator fee, plus a fee to the music director and “a little something” for the priest. She had a 3 hour reception for 275 guests, which included food, alcohol, tables, chairs and linens, but no palm trees, however the Chicory provided potted plants for Traci to use if she do desired and she did!
Service charge is now 20% and the grand total was almost $25,000 (which breaks down to $90/head tax and tip included)
My aunt purchased her invitations from Gem Printing, who is still in business and a company that I use regularly today. As a matter of fact, Traci ordered her invitations from GEM as well! For my aunt, 200 invitations and printed envelopes totaled $47.18. For Traci, 175 invitations, printed envelopes and thank you cards totaled $175. The most remarkable thing about finding the Gem Printing receipt was not the price. It was the fact that the receipt is exactly the same in 1974 as it is today – the only difference is the address!
Some other comparable prices were the photographer which was $140 for my aunt and $1800 for Traci. Something that I found interesting about the photographer’s contract back then is that you paid the photographer in full once you picked up your product, not before the wedding/on the day of your wedding, and your order was ready 6 weeks after the wedding. Today, IF the photographer has the pictures ready, the bride certainly has not picked her pictures in enough time to produce an album 6 weeks after a wedding. The only other receipt I found was for flowers. I did not find a total for my aunt’s final order, but I can tell you that her bouquet was $15.00 versus Traci’s which was $150.00.
What we can learn from this look back is that although the average salary has increased by 5 times the amount it was 35 years ago, the cost of a wedding has increased by a heck of a lot more. The reception alone is more than 10 times the amount today as it was in the 70’s. I think there are several contributing factors to why weddings have become so commercial and out of control, but one of those factors has to be the very generation that this blog goes out to: The Baby Boomers. The moms that got married when my aunt got married and grew up in the same time when times were tough, money was tight and women did not have their own money. Now, moms want to give their daughters everything they had and then some and since a lot of these women work, they can do just that. So next time you are fighting with your mother over wedding decisions, remember that they just want more for you, although how far these moms will go is a different entry all together. We can at least give them reprieve this weekend – it is Mother’s Day after all!
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