I had a wedding a few weeks ago and everything was perfect, if I do say so myself. The bride was dressed in a $10,000 Maggie Sottera gown, while the bridesmaids pranced around in their purple Vera Wang floor length formals, with the groomsmen sporting simple, formal, black tuxedos and the 1 year old baby who was not on the guest list showed off her best animal-printed onesie!! Did I mention is was 11:30pm when the mother of the child decided to bring this animal-printed baby on the dance floor with the bride and groom who specifically stated on their invitation “Adult Reception?”
In case there are parents out there that do not know what I am getting at, here’s the point. First, it’s 11:30pm; why is there a 1 year old hanging out at a party at this time of night? Secondly, why do people feel that the rules do not apply to them just because they have children? If I wanted to bring 5 guests instead of my “plus 1” wouldn’t I be considered rude for that? Third, an animal print onesie – I have no comment!
Whether or not children should be invited to wedding receptions is a totally different topic all together. Children involved in weddings as a general subject seems to get a bit sticky for almost every couple that I’ve worked with or known when planning their weddings. I think it’s each person’s right to decide whether or not they invite or involve children in their special day but, trust me, I will have a future entry expressing my thought on that matter. Currently, my issue is with the guests/parents who ignore the couple’s wishes to not include little ones.
Speaking for myself, as a guest who does not have children (but does have a lot of friends and a puppy), is it appropriate for me to bring my “wolf pack” all because I think everyone should support my lifestyle? I understand that sometimes a babysitter is hard to find, but it doesn’t mean that you disregard the hosts of a party and bring the person they asked you not to bring. As a parent, there are some things that you miss out on and perhaps this wedding was one thing the parent of this “printed princess” should have missed.
My biggest issue with this specific situation is that the child was the bride’s niece (she was the bride’s brother’s baby). While some of you might think that makes the situation worse on the part of the bride, I think it makes it worse on the part of the parents. The bride was confronted by her brother and sister-in-law before the wedding and they expressed their desire to have their child in attendance and at that point, the bride explained why she decided not to include her niece. As far as we were concerned, the issue was over and done with, but I guess people will do what they wanna! The fact is this isn’t the only time this has happened and in some other cases, the children have been older – running around, screaming, jumping in pictures, sliding on the dance floor and all the while not realizing that their parents have turned them into “wedding crashers.”
Parents out there, please, try to think about your wedding day. Think about the things that were important to you. Maybe it was most important to you to have purple flowers and fried oysters. What if the florist decided that she was in a pink mood that day so that’s what she brought and the chef decided that if he slipped in fried shrimp instead, no one would notice? To some people, their guest list takes precedence and, while I’m sure your child is just lovely, it’s not personal so stop making it about your children and start thinking of other people. I’m sure that when you got married, your friends were at your wedding drinking, dancing and concentrating on you. Give them the same courtesy. After all, people are inviting you to their event because you are a person that they are friends with, not because you are the mother of “Anna Animal Print”!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Calling It Off
Recently I’ve had conversations with several different people regarding the same wedding related topic which leads me to believe that it is time to cover a subject that most brides will feel does not apply to them, until it does. The topic that I am referring to is the ever delicate” calling off the wedding”. How do you do it, when do you know you should do it and what about the money already spent on the wedding? Not to mention, what do you do with gifts that have already been received?
Since I myself fell into the category of brides who thought they would only be engaged once, I can give you some first-hand answers and advice that I hope will help the confused brides realize that sometimes calling off the wedding can be a lot less stressful than going through with a marriage that is being questioned before you even make it down the aisle.
So how do you know when it’s right to get married? Unfortunately I do not have one clear answer for that, but I can tell you that for me, I knew the wedding was bigger than the marriage. When I took a minute to stop thinking about the wedding day and thought about the days after the wedding; you know, when the honeymoon was over and we had to live together and raise a family, I realized that I was caught up in the planning of the wedding while the planning of the marriage had clearly stopped. I realized quickly that we were moving in two different directions, and I considered myself lucky to have admitted it before we took such a serious step.
After the decision has been made, what about the vendors and the money that’s been paid? Nine times out of ten, the money that you’ve already spent on the wedding is gone never to be seen again. But in rare cases, such as mine, deposits can be used toward another event. I was very lucky in the fact that my photographer, venue and florist all put my previously paid deposits toward my actual wedding, which took place two years after I called off the first one. Often times, the sooner you tell the vendor about the cancelation the better chance they have at rebooking the date and that leaves you a better chance of either getting your deposit back or being able to use it toward a later event. In most cases though, you should assume that the money is gone and will not be used again – so be prepared for that as each vendor has their own policy and it is typically listed in the contract. Especially when it comes to the venue, read the contract because it lists interim payments and minimum guaranteed payments that you are locked into once you sign and are due whether you end up having your event there or not.
The vendors are one thing, but what’s the proper way to handle gifts that were already received from guests and family members? If they are wedding gifts, they must be returned, plain and simple. If you had an engagement party or a shower and the gift can be returned, you should return it, but obviously if you’ve already used the gift, there’s nothing you can do. For example, I had an engagement party the first time around, but I did not call off the wedding until 5 months later so a lot of the gifts had already moved into the place we would live and were being used by the should-have-been groom. The gifts that were not yet touched were given back at the time we called the wedding off.
The money lost and the awkwardness of returning a gift seem to be the only things that stick into the heads of the brides or grooms who may be second guessing their decision to get married. Trust me, it is not an easy decision to come to and the months following are filled with hurt feelings, bitter questions and empty pockets. I once heard a girl talking about her wedding saying “I just keep thinking that I’ll go thru with it without thinking, like taking medicine, and then it’s just done and I’ll be fine.” The thought of this girl going to her parents and telling them that she did not want to get married after all was too much for her to consider, and that’s usually the reason people go thru with something that they question so heavily.
One of the biggest things I’ve realized by being in this business and opening up about my own experiences is that this happens a lot more often than people like to talk about. And it also enters the mind of a bride more than she’d like to admit, but I can also attest to the fact that the brides who followed their hearts and postponed or called off the wedding all together have been more grateful for their strength than the bride who wished she would have spoken up. I was amazed by the number of girls who came to me after I called my wedding off who told me that they thought about not going thru with their wedding up until the second they walked down the aisle. Those girls were all divorced within the first five years being married. On the other hand, the vast majority of girls I know who have called off their weddings are now happily married and had beautiful weddings (and despite the fact that all of our parents swore they would not pay for another wedding – they did)!
Since I myself fell into the category of brides who thought they would only be engaged once, I can give you some first-hand answers and advice that I hope will help the confused brides realize that sometimes calling off the wedding can be a lot less stressful than going through with a marriage that is being questioned before you even make it down the aisle.
So how do you know when it’s right to get married? Unfortunately I do not have one clear answer for that, but I can tell you that for me, I knew the wedding was bigger than the marriage. When I took a minute to stop thinking about the wedding day and thought about the days after the wedding; you know, when the honeymoon was over and we had to live together and raise a family, I realized that I was caught up in the planning of the wedding while the planning of the marriage had clearly stopped. I realized quickly that we were moving in two different directions, and I considered myself lucky to have admitted it before we took such a serious step.
After the decision has been made, what about the vendors and the money that’s been paid? Nine times out of ten, the money that you’ve already spent on the wedding is gone never to be seen again. But in rare cases, such as mine, deposits can be used toward another event. I was very lucky in the fact that my photographer, venue and florist all put my previously paid deposits toward my actual wedding, which took place two years after I called off the first one. Often times, the sooner you tell the vendor about the cancelation the better chance they have at rebooking the date and that leaves you a better chance of either getting your deposit back or being able to use it toward a later event. In most cases though, you should assume that the money is gone and will not be used again – so be prepared for that as each vendor has their own policy and it is typically listed in the contract. Especially when it comes to the venue, read the contract because it lists interim payments and minimum guaranteed payments that you are locked into once you sign and are due whether you end up having your event there or not.
The vendors are one thing, but what’s the proper way to handle gifts that were already received from guests and family members? If they are wedding gifts, they must be returned, plain and simple. If you had an engagement party or a shower and the gift can be returned, you should return it, but obviously if you’ve already used the gift, there’s nothing you can do. For example, I had an engagement party the first time around, but I did not call off the wedding until 5 months later so a lot of the gifts had already moved into the place we would live and were being used by the should-have-been groom. The gifts that were not yet touched were given back at the time we called the wedding off.
The money lost and the awkwardness of returning a gift seem to be the only things that stick into the heads of the brides or grooms who may be second guessing their decision to get married. Trust me, it is not an easy decision to come to and the months following are filled with hurt feelings, bitter questions and empty pockets. I once heard a girl talking about her wedding saying “I just keep thinking that I’ll go thru with it without thinking, like taking medicine, and then it’s just done and I’ll be fine.” The thought of this girl going to her parents and telling them that she did not want to get married after all was too much for her to consider, and that’s usually the reason people go thru with something that they question so heavily.
One of the biggest things I’ve realized by being in this business and opening up about my own experiences is that this happens a lot more often than people like to talk about. And it also enters the mind of a bride more than she’d like to admit, but I can also attest to the fact that the brides who followed their hearts and postponed or called off the wedding all together have been more grateful for their strength than the bride who wished she would have spoken up. I was amazed by the number of girls who came to me after I called my wedding off who told me that they thought about not going thru with their wedding up until the second they walked down the aisle. Those girls were all divorced within the first five years being married. On the other hand, the vast majority of girls I know who have called off their weddings are now happily married and had beautiful weddings (and despite the fact that all of our parents swore they would not pay for another wedding – they did)!
Friday, May 6, 2011
For a very special mother this mother's day......
This week’s blog is dedicated to my aunt who lost her battle with cancer two months ago. While going through her pictures in preparation for her memorial, we found her wedding album with all of her old receipts and planning details. I thought it might be fun to share the information from the past with all of you and take a look back at how pricing and details have changed when compared to today! In light of the fact that it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and also the 1 year wedding anniversary for my cousin Traci, I thought I would compare my aunt’s retro wedding to her daughter’s more current affair.
First and foremost, just to give a reference of the difference in financial status, the average salary in 1974 was $8,030.76, according to the national average wage index. In 2009 (since 2010 has yet to be updated), the average salary was $40,711.61 – that’s 5 times the money that was being made in a 35 year span.
My aunt was married on May 18, 1974. Her invitation had a picture of a bride and a groom kissing on the front of it and the scenery appears to be a forest of some sort, which already screams “1970’s.” She was married at St. Christopher Church in Metairie and had her reception at the Champagne Room on Jefferson Highway, which was one of the most expensive reception halls at that time, according to my mother! The church, from my mother’s memory, was free as long as you paid the priest and gave “a little something” to the altar boys. My aunt had a 3 hour reception for 300 guests and the package included food, alcohol, the wedding cake, engraved napkins, coffee service and the use of palm trees, which was apparently serious back then! The service charge was 15% and the grand total - $1656.25 (which breaks down to $5.52/head)
Her daughter, Traci, was married on May 8, 2010. Her invitation was on plain ivory thicker card stock with black print which is more traditional in this millennium – no picture, no fold, just a straight forward invitation! She was married at St. Patrick’s Church in New Orleans and her reception was at the Chicory on South Peters, which was brand new at the time of Traci’s wedding. St. Patrick’s charged $2,000.00 plus a coordinator fee, plus a fee to the music director and “a little something” for the priest. She had a 3 hour reception for 275 guests, which included food, alcohol, tables, chairs and linens, but no palm trees, however the Chicory provided potted plants for Traci to use if she do desired and she did!
Service charge is now 20% and the grand total was almost $25,000 (which breaks down to $90/head tax and tip included)
My aunt purchased her invitations from Gem Printing, who is still in business and a company that I use regularly today. As a matter of fact, Traci ordered her invitations from GEM as well! For my aunt, 200 invitations and printed envelopes totaled $47.18. For Traci, 175 invitations, printed envelopes and thank you cards totaled $175. The most remarkable thing about finding the Gem Printing receipt was not the price. It was the fact that the receipt is exactly the same in 1974 as it is today – the only difference is the address!
Some other comparable prices were the photographer which was $140 for my aunt and $1800 for Traci. Something that I found interesting about the photographer’s contract back then is that you paid the photographer in full once you picked up your product, not before the wedding/on the day of your wedding, and your order was ready 6 weeks after the wedding. Today, IF the photographer has the pictures ready, the bride certainly has not picked her pictures in enough time to produce an album 6 weeks after a wedding. The only other receipt I found was for flowers. I did not find a total for my aunt’s final order, but I can tell you that her bouquet was $15.00 versus Traci’s which was $150.00.
What we can learn from this look back is that although the average salary has increased by 5 times the amount it was 35 years ago, the cost of a wedding has increased by a heck of a lot more. The reception alone is more than 10 times the amount today as it was in the 70’s. I think there are several contributing factors to why weddings have become so commercial and out of control, but one of those factors has to be the very generation that this blog goes out to: The Baby Boomers. The moms that got married when my aunt got married and grew up in the same time when times were tough, money was tight and women did not have their own money. Now, moms want to give their daughters everything they had and then some and since a lot of these women work, they can do just that. So next time you are fighting with your mother over wedding decisions, remember that they just want more for you, although how far these moms will go is a different entry all together. We can at least give them reprieve this weekend – it is Mother’s Day after all!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Royal Wedding - New Orleans Style
I did not plan to write about the Royal Wedding in any way, shape or form as I have not mentioned it thus far. But Thursday afternoon, I received an invitation to a viewing of the Royal Wedding and could not pass it up. Mrs. Debbie Perrone invited me to a party that was full-on British style with all party-goers wearing the appropriate hats and gloves, but we were accessorizing our jammies of course. I was the last to arrive at 3:30 am, but the party consisted of a few waves of people arriving as early as 10:30 the night before, midnight and then the “slacker” 3:30 am arrivals.
We spent the hour and a half leading up the wedding watching the coverage of the guests arriving and, of course, judging the people who came on the screen as if we were Joan Rivers on a special episode of “Fashion Police.” Although I would love to discuss the debacle of outfits and hats that arrived to this wondrous event, I would rather give my synopsis of details and traditions that stood out to this wedding planner!
First off, the dress, since this is what everyone was waiting to see more than anything. I believe she knocked it out of the park – 100% perfect! There have been some naysayers out there who believe the dress was not unattainable enough (compared to the details and grandness of Diana’s), but I think that’s what made the dress so right for her. In a time where lace jackets are quickly making a comeback, the lace sleeves were perfectly in tune with today’s fashion, yet still showed an elegance and style that set her above the rest of the population and set her back in time to some degree. As a matter of fact, I felt that way about the entire dress. It said, “I’m classy, I’m classic and I’m royalty, but I don’t need to be obnoxious about it!”
Secondly, for me, the next most noticeable thing about this wedding was the maid of honor. Pippa, Pippa – you are beautiful. In America, brides tend to tone their maid of honor down and an American bride would almost never think to put her maid of honor in the same color as her, but Katherine’s confidence to show off the fact that her sister is stunning was fabulous. The other thing about the maid of honor role is that she was a true maid of honor like we do not see in America. She actually carried that dress around, got the bride out of the car, walked those children down the aisle. She earned her right to steal a bit of the spot light.
Third, and most disappointing, I must talk about Katherine’s bouquet. I thought it was small, plain and looked completely fake. I think because she picked a dress that had such a clean and clear pallet, she could have really made a huge statement with a gorgeous, full bouquet of flowers. It seemed like she might have forgotten to pick a bouquet for herself so they just gave her what was left in the back of the flower shop that morning. I did think that it was interesting that the women did not wear corsages. The queen and Camilla had lovely brooches and I thought they looked good and served the same purpose as a corsage would have. I think I would like to officially claim the brooch as my new idea to brides and their mothers!
Next on the list, the transportation. I love the fact that everyone arrived at the time that they needed to arrive. No dilly dally. Get out of the car and get to your spot for the ceremony! Especially the bride; she was able to get out of the car and start her walk down the aisle. I also love the fact that everyone had their own car so the schedule was laid out based strictly on each individual person’s role and when they were due to arrive to the ceremony. I imagine that the transportation schedule looked something like this:
10:13 am - Prince William and Prince Harry exit the hotel door and get into Car #1 with the car doors closing at 10:14 am – car door will reopen upon arrival to church at 10:17 am and the two will enter the church at 10:18 am stopping to shake the hands of all 5 officials and then 10 guests before settling in at the altar at 10:20 am.
Last, but not least, I loved the fact that everyone wore hats for this wedding, which gave us all something to look at and in some cases, make fun of. Seriously, I loved the traditions of the hats and dressing properly to attend the wedding. One of my favorite things, and something that I think should become a mandatory tradition, is when a couple decides to make their wedding black tie. People do not dress anymore and, in most cases, a wedding should be a proper event that is taken seriously. I think every wedding should be a fun event for the guests to use as an excuse to step out on the town and enjoy the night celebrating with the happy couple. Formal dress always makes that feeling more evident and it always makes for a better party – not to mention better photos.
This concludes the major points of the Royal Wedding, as seen by a professional wedding planner who will leave it up to everyone else to scrutinize the bride’s wedding dress (or other dresses worn to related wedding events for that matter), complain about the lack of flowers in an already beautiful church (although the trees were amazing), point out the obvious shame that was Camilla’s outfit, give credit to the amazing choir, wonder if anyone else noticed the lack of emotion during the ceremony and of course, analyze the kiss. I will say, in closing that I think we should make a bigger deal out of the first kiss at every wedding. I think it’s a dwindling detail that needs to take priority in the ceremony. Overall, it was a beautiful wedding, a beautiful bride and they are a beautiful couple. And I am thankful that their wedding created the opportunity to attend a wonderful party with wonderful ladies all gathered together to do what we do best in this city - celebrate a wedding!
We spent the hour and a half leading up the wedding watching the coverage of the guests arriving and, of course, judging the people who came on the screen as if we were Joan Rivers on a special episode of “Fashion Police.” Although I would love to discuss the debacle of outfits and hats that arrived to this wondrous event, I would rather give my synopsis of details and traditions that stood out to this wedding planner!
First off, the dress, since this is what everyone was waiting to see more than anything. I believe she knocked it out of the park – 100% perfect! There have been some naysayers out there who believe the dress was not unattainable enough (compared to the details and grandness of Diana’s), but I think that’s what made the dress so right for her. In a time where lace jackets are quickly making a comeback, the lace sleeves were perfectly in tune with today’s fashion, yet still showed an elegance and style that set her above the rest of the population and set her back in time to some degree. As a matter of fact, I felt that way about the entire dress. It said, “I’m classy, I’m classic and I’m royalty, but I don’t need to be obnoxious about it!”
Secondly, for me, the next most noticeable thing about this wedding was the maid of honor. Pippa, Pippa – you are beautiful. In America, brides tend to tone their maid of honor down and an American bride would almost never think to put her maid of honor in the same color as her, but Katherine’s confidence to show off the fact that her sister is stunning was fabulous. The other thing about the maid of honor role is that she was a true maid of honor like we do not see in America. She actually carried that dress around, got the bride out of the car, walked those children down the aisle. She earned her right to steal a bit of the spot light.
Third, and most disappointing, I must talk about Katherine’s bouquet. I thought it was small, plain and looked completely fake. I think because she picked a dress that had such a clean and clear pallet, she could have really made a huge statement with a gorgeous, full bouquet of flowers. It seemed like she might have forgotten to pick a bouquet for herself so they just gave her what was left in the back of the flower shop that morning. I did think that it was interesting that the women did not wear corsages. The queen and Camilla had lovely brooches and I thought they looked good and served the same purpose as a corsage would have. I think I would like to officially claim the brooch as my new idea to brides and their mothers!
Next on the list, the transportation. I love the fact that everyone arrived at the time that they needed to arrive. No dilly dally. Get out of the car and get to your spot for the ceremony! Especially the bride; she was able to get out of the car and start her walk down the aisle. I also love the fact that everyone had their own car so the schedule was laid out based strictly on each individual person’s role and when they were due to arrive to the ceremony. I imagine that the transportation schedule looked something like this:
10:13 am - Prince William and Prince Harry exit the hotel door and get into Car #1 with the car doors closing at 10:14 am – car door will reopen upon arrival to church at 10:17 am and the two will enter the church at 10:18 am stopping to shake the hands of all 5 officials and then 10 guests before settling in at the altar at 10:20 am.
Last, but not least, I loved the fact that everyone wore hats for this wedding, which gave us all something to look at and in some cases, make fun of. Seriously, I loved the traditions of the hats and dressing properly to attend the wedding. One of my favorite things, and something that I think should become a mandatory tradition, is when a couple decides to make their wedding black tie. People do not dress anymore and, in most cases, a wedding should be a proper event that is taken seriously. I think every wedding should be a fun event for the guests to use as an excuse to step out on the town and enjoy the night celebrating with the happy couple. Formal dress always makes that feeling more evident and it always makes for a better party – not to mention better photos.
This concludes the major points of the Royal Wedding, as seen by a professional wedding planner who will leave it up to everyone else to scrutinize the bride’s wedding dress (or other dresses worn to related wedding events for that matter), complain about the lack of flowers in an already beautiful church (although the trees were amazing), point out the obvious shame that was Camilla’s outfit, give credit to the amazing choir, wonder if anyone else noticed the lack of emotion during the ceremony and of course, analyze the kiss. I will say, in closing that I think we should make a bigger deal out of the first kiss at every wedding. I think it’s a dwindling detail that needs to take priority in the ceremony. Overall, it was a beautiful wedding, a beautiful bride and they are a beautiful couple. And I am thankful that their wedding created the opportunity to attend a wonderful party with wonderful ladies all gathered together to do what we do best in this city - celebrate a wedding!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Part Two of "A Planner's Plan" - The List
Last week, I wrote about the outbreak of “wedding planners”, that have joined the industry and I went through several scenarios and red flags to look for. Along with that, I promised a check list for the brides to run through when interviewing the planners. I believe that paying attention or looking for the things on this list will help you weed through the bad and hire the good!
1. Did she mean what she said? Did the contract match what she told you would be included in the package?
2. Is she promising you the world? Do the services and “promises” even sound possible?
3. You get what you pay for. Wedding planners are not cheap so if you find one that is, double check the references. No matter what, when you are pricing, if someone offers you everything for nothing, be prepared to get nothing.
4. Take vendor suggestions. The vendors work with a lot of the planners a lot of the time. Consider what relationship the planner has with the vendors that you’ve spoken with.
5. Ask questions – see if she knows about the vendors (pros and cons) that you want to use and get to know her knowledge in the industry (without expecting her to give you planning suggestions/information for free).
6. Is there a time restraint on communicating with the planner? Does she only offer you time to talk from 8am – 6pm and does she only show up on the day of the wedding 2 hours prior? Make sure that her schedule is flexible enough to work with yours.
7. Will the person that you have your initial consultation with be the person who is taking you all the way to the day of the wedding or will the event be passed off to an assistant?
8. Does she call herself a planner or a coordinator? If you want a planner, you better hire someone who knows their title or they certainly will not know their job!
9. Be wary of what services are offered, other than planning. Some planners are also hair and make-up artists, photographers, florists, etc. Being contracted with a group of people or having a staff to do these things is great, but having one person who thinks they can handle all of these jobs means that she cannot do one thing really well because she is doing many things on an average level.
10. Is this her full time job or does she have another job during the day? Does she have day time restrictions? How flexible is her schedule is for last minute meetings, drop offs, etc?
11. How many weddings does she do in a weekend? Are you one of three brides that will need her attention on your wedding day? If so, think about how she will manage to keep all of you happy.
12. Will she be attending meetings with your vendors? If the answer is no, and you are hiring her for full service, walk away as you will spend most of your planning months filling your planner in on the details of meetings.
13. Are there any other packages besides full service and day of? Ask if you can pay for just what you need and customize something in between the two extremes.
14. Does she know it’s your day? There is a difference between a controlling personality and a disciplined work ethic. Make sure you know the difference.
15. Pay attention to her personality and how it mixes with yours. If you are not comfortable enough to talk about pricing and likes/dislikes in the initial consultation, then do not hire the planner. You will have to hire someone that you can be honest with as you definitely do not want to spend 8 months planning your special day with someone that you cannot talk to.
Good luck and keep in mind that the wedding industry is filled with people who got into the field for the sole reason of making money. Just like any other profession, dealing with the “cash cow” vendors versus the ones that do it because they have a love for the job is the difference in service. The trick is learning to spot the lovers of the wedding world!
1. Did she mean what she said? Did the contract match what she told you would be included in the package?
2. Is she promising you the world? Do the services and “promises” even sound possible?
3. You get what you pay for. Wedding planners are not cheap so if you find one that is, double check the references. No matter what, when you are pricing, if someone offers you everything for nothing, be prepared to get nothing.
4. Take vendor suggestions. The vendors work with a lot of the planners a lot of the time. Consider what relationship the planner has with the vendors that you’ve spoken with.
5. Ask questions – see if she knows about the vendors (pros and cons) that you want to use and get to know her knowledge in the industry (without expecting her to give you planning suggestions/information for free).
6. Is there a time restraint on communicating with the planner? Does she only offer you time to talk from 8am – 6pm and does she only show up on the day of the wedding 2 hours prior? Make sure that her schedule is flexible enough to work with yours.
7. Will the person that you have your initial consultation with be the person who is taking you all the way to the day of the wedding or will the event be passed off to an assistant?
8. Does she call herself a planner or a coordinator? If you want a planner, you better hire someone who knows their title or they certainly will not know their job!
9. Be wary of what services are offered, other than planning. Some planners are also hair and make-up artists, photographers, florists, etc. Being contracted with a group of people or having a staff to do these things is great, but having one person who thinks they can handle all of these jobs means that she cannot do one thing really well because she is doing many things on an average level.
10. Is this her full time job or does she have another job during the day? Does she have day time restrictions? How flexible is her schedule is for last minute meetings, drop offs, etc?
11. How many weddings does she do in a weekend? Are you one of three brides that will need her attention on your wedding day? If so, think about how she will manage to keep all of you happy.
12. Will she be attending meetings with your vendors? If the answer is no, and you are hiring her for full service, walk away as you will spend most of your planning months filling your planner in on the details of meetings.
13. Are there any other packages besides full service and day of? Ask if you can pay for just what you need and customize something in between the two extremes.
14. Does she know it’s your day? There is a difference between a controlling personality and a disciplined work ethic. Make sure you know the difference.
15. Pay attention to her personality and how it mixes with yours. If you are not comfortable enough to talk about pricing and likes/dislikes in the initial consultation, then do not hire the planner. You will have to hire someone that you can be honest with as you definitely do not want to spend 8 months planning your special day with someone that you cannot talk to.
Good luck and keep in mind that the wedding industry is filled with people who got into the field for the sole reason of making money. Just like any other profession, dealing with the “cash cow” vendors versus the ones that do it because they have a love for the job is the difference in service. The trick is learning to spot the lovers of the wedding world!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A Planner’s Plan
While planning changes to my account on theknot.com the other day, I saw that there are 21 other companies advertising under the “wedding planner” section in New Orleans. When I started advertising with theknot.com a few years ago, there were only 8 – 12 planners, including myself. The number of planners doubling in only 2 years made me realize that there has to be a guideline of some sort to help the brides out there pick the best planner for them, or a legitimate planner for that matter.
After researching some of the websites for these planners and seeing posts about them on theknot.com, I am pretty confident that I can give assistance in this process – without telling each bride to simply hire me.
For instance, on one planner’s website, she has a detailed description of duties involved in her full service package. She promises to create wedding invitations, favors and gift bags for the bride-to-be and she promises 20% off of the order if the potential bride hires her for full service. My question is: what if the bride just wants a gift bag with Hubig’s Pies inside? How would this planner get you 20% off of a product that she does not produce? While many planners build great relationships with local vendors and venues, it is almost impossible to have a connection with every possible wedding vendor in New Orleans to the degree that you can promise, without a doubt, that you can get the client 20% off of anything they choose to put in a gift basket. Promises like that should bring up a red flag as it will more than likely be a promise that will not be kept.
Another service offered by this same planner is that she will “work with your guest list to develop a seating chart that will help manage the flow of your wedding day.” First off, we all know that only a small percentage of New Orleans weddings even require seating charts, so that’s kind of a nothing service. Secondly, I do not know one bride out there who would appreciate me taking her guest list filled with names of people that I could not possibly know and, at random, creating a seating chart for her reception. That seems a little silly, and it seems like this planner just needed more lines to create a full page of services offered.
The point in bringing up the two examples above is for the brides out there to really think about what is being offered and consider if the services listed will actually be helpful in taking the stress away from the planning process. Just because the contract is filled with bullet points of services offered does not mean that they are services that are worth paying for. A good rule of thumb is to look for the main responsibilities that you know you will need help with – vendor referrals, budget assistance, time lines for tasks needing to be completed, unlimited access via telephone and email, etc.
If the main points are covered, and you are looking for something else to separate one planner from another, then start looking at the extras. For instance, making a seating chart is nice, but, as a bride, I would rather someone who is going to handle getting all of my payments to the vendors so that I am not running all over town dropping checks off or wondering what is due when.
Read through the contract and double check that what the planner told you in your initial consultation matches with what the contract says. Even if the contract is one paragraph, as long as it explains everything the way that you understood it when you met initially, than you are in great shape.
Other details to pay attention to are pricing. I saw on one planner’s site that the full service package was only $1,000 - $1,500 more than the “day of” package. That should be a red flag considering the planner should be doing 80% more work for full service. And if the full service package is much lower than what you are hearing from other planners, ask yourself why that would be the case. I’ve had three clients come rushing to me months before their weddings because a planner that they hired (who was cheaper) cost them more money because she was not holding up her end of the deal. Ultimately, that planner’s actions (or lack thereof) resulted in the brides losing contracts, dates, venues, etc. so they had to fire her in the middle of the process and start fresh with me.
I have created a recap of these and many other points/questions to help you avoid situations such as that. Since this entry is entirely too long, but way too important to cut, this will be a two part entry! Look for the next blog entry which will include the “check list” and remember that, in most cases, the wedding planner is the first vendor you will hire after you get engaged. Ultimately, the planner’s job is to set the tone to make your planning process as easy as possible. The idea is to take the stress away and help point you in the direction that will bring what’s in your head to life. The right planner will save you more money than you could have ever saved on your own. As a matter of fact, the right planner should never charge you more than what she can save you. Keep that in mind when you expect to find a planner who will work for $2,000. Wouldn’t you rather save $6,000?!!
After researching some of the websites for these planners and seeing posts about them on theknot.com, I am pretty confident that I can give assistance in this process – without telling each bride to simply hire me.
For instance, on one planner’s website, she has a detailed description of duties involved in her full service package. She promises to create wedding invitations, favors and gift bags for the bride-to-be and she promises 20% off of the order if the potential bride hires her for full service. My question is: what if the bride just wants a gift bag with Hubig’s Pies inside? How would this planner get you 20% off of a product that she does not produce? While many planners build great relationships with local vendors and venues, it is almost impossible to have a connection with every possible wedding vendor in New Orleans to the degree that you can promise, without a doubt, that you can get the client 20% off of anything they choose to put in a gift basket. Promises like that should bring up a red flag as it will more than likely be a promise that will not be kept.
Another service offered by this same planner is that she will “work with your guest list to develop a seating chart that will help manage the flow of your wedding day.” First off, we all know that only a small percentage of New Orleans weddings even require seating charts, so that’s kind of a nothing service. Secondly, I do not know one bride out there who would appreciate me taking her guest list filled with names of people that I could not possibly know and, at random, creating a seating chart for her reception. That seems a little silly, and it seems like this planner just needed more lines to create a full page of services offered.
The point in bringing up the two examples above is for the brides out there to really think about what is being offered and consider if the services listed will actually be helpful in taking the stress away from the planning process. Just because the contract is filled with bullet points of services offered does not mean that they are services that are worth paying for. A good rule of thumb is to look for the main responsibilities that you know you will need help with – vendor referrals, budget assistance, time lines for tasks needing to be completed, unlimited access via telephone and email, etc.
If the main points are covered, and you are looking for something else to separate one planner from another, then start looking at the extras. For instance, making a seating chart is nice, but, as a bride, I would rather someone who is going to handle getting all of my payments to the vendors so that I am not running all over town dropping checks off or wondering what is due when.
Read through the contract and double check that what the planner told you in your initial consultation matches with what the contract says. Even if the contract is one paragraph, as long as it explains everything the way that you understood it when you met initially, than you are in great shape.
Other details to pay attention to are pricing. I saw on one planner’s site that the full service package was only $1,000 - $1,500 more than the “day of” package. That should be a red flag considering the planner should be doing 80% more work for full service. And if the full service package is much lower than what you are hearing from other planners, ask yourself why that would be the case. I’ve had three clients come rushing to me months before their weddings because a planner that they hired (who was cheaper) cost them more money because she was not holding up her end of the deal. Ultimately, that planner’s actions (or lack thereof) resulted in the brides losing contracts, dates, venues, etc. so they had to fire her in the middle of the process and start fresh with me.
I have created a recap of these and many other points/questions to help you avoid situations such as that. Since this entry is entirely too long, but way too important to cut, this will be a two part entry! Look for the next blog entry which will include the “check list” and remember that, in most cases, the wedding planner is the first vendor you will hire after you get engaged. Ultimately, the planner’s job is to set the tone to make your planning process as easy as possible. The idea is to take the stress away and help point you in the direction that will bring what’s in your head to life. The right planner will save you more money than you could have ever saved on your own. As a matter of fact, the right planner should never charge you more than what she can save you. Keep that in mind when you expect to find a planner who will work for $2,000. Wouldn’t you rather save $6,000?!!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The Bustle
For most brides, the wedding dress is the most important outfit that she will ever pick out so naturally, more money and thought will go into this one dress than any other dress in her entire life! Some brides spend months agonizing over the perfect wedding gown traveling to places like New York just to make sure they have seen every available option: strapless or halter, long or short, lace or beading, white or cream. The lists of options are endless. The dress is almost always an item on the “over budget” list and each girl tries to think of every possible scenario before making a firm decision; weight gain, weight loss, shoe style, shoe height, body type, skin color, time of year, etc. With all of these things to consider, one of the most important things – almost always overlooked – is the dress’ bustle.
Most girls tend to think that this is something for the seamstress to figure out, but the seamstress will not be at the wedding when the bustle breaks and you are upset that your $2,000 Maggie Sottero gown is dragging around the reception while the groomsmen leave their footprints and beer drops on the train. If I had to put an estimate on the number of bustles that typically break, I would say that 8 out of 10 of my girls have either had their bustles break or bustles that did not work from the start.
Typically, the seamstress should decide on the best bustle for you based on the material of the dress and the weight of the train. The different kinds of bustles are mostly described in terms of the look they offer once the dress is in fact bustled. Some of the different types of bustles may include the Ballroom Bustle or the Double and Triple French Bustle. (For a complete list and view of the bustle styles, please see http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/bustles-for-your-gown).
While the look of the dress after it has been bustled is important, that is not what you should be thinking about when talking to your seamstress about your bustle options. What you need to know is how the dress will actually bustle. Will you have a hook or a button or will you have string under the skirt to create a French bustle? These are the important questions to ask and this is the answer you want to hear. NO FRENCH BUSTLE – NO STRINGS UNDER THE SKIRT!!!
The seamstress will tell you that the idea of a French Bustle is simple. You will have about 20 ribbons hanging from the skirt under your dress and each ribbon will have a certain number of knots in it. Two ribbons will have the same number of knots and you will find the ribbons that match, tie them together and POOF, you are bustled. Wrong. This almost never works and the reason is because either the ribbons break, the seamstress forgets to add the correct number of ribbons, or the ribbons were not knotted correctly so they do not all have a match. If you can avoid this bustling option, you will be saving yourself from a guaranteed broken train and you will be saving the person who has to bustle you from a search party for 20 knotted ribbons.
Talk to your seamstress about having hooks or buttons added to the back of the dress to act as a bustle. Also, talk to her about having multiple (maybe three) hooks rather than just one. Nine times out of ten, even if the material is light and does not have much beadwork your moving around all night and being pulled in one hundred directions will only warrant the support of three hooks as a bustle rather than just one.
Regardless of your final decision after speaking with your seamstress, please keep this in mind as a major component to the dress picking process. No matter how pretty your dress is for the ceremony and how pretty the dress was supposed to be with that gorgeous French Bustle, it will still look like a dust rag after dragging the dance floor all night. It will be worth the extra money to add an easier and more reliable option. But also keep in mind, if the bustle does break, either carry the train on your arm all night, or hang the dress on your wrist using the lingerie hook under the bottom of the dress to keep it from dragging the floor. Do not let it ruin your fun night!
Most girls tend to think that this is something for the seamstress to figure out, but the seamstress will not be at the wedding when the bustle breaks and you are upset that your $2,000 Maggie Sottero gown is dragging around the reception while the groomsmen leave their footprints and beer drops on the train. If I had to put an estimate on the number of bustles that typically break, I would say that 8 out of 10 of my girls have either had their bustles break or bustles that did not work from the start.
Typically, the seamstress should decide on the best bustle for you based on the material of the dress and the weight of the train. The different kinds of bustles are mostly described in terms of the look they offer once the dress is in fact bustled. Some of the different types of bustles may include the Ballroom Bustle or the Double and Triple French Bustle. (For a complete list and view of the bustle styles, please see http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/bustles-for-your-gown).
While the look of the dress after it has been bustled is important, that is not what you should be thinking about when talking to your seamstress about your bustle options. What you need to know is how the dress will actually bustle. Will you have a hook or a button or will you have string under the skirt to create a French bustle? These are the important questions to ask and this is the answer you want to hear. NO FRENCH BUSTLE – NO STRINGS UNDER THE SKIRT!!!
The seamstress will tell you that the idea of a French Bustle is simple. You will have about 20 ribbons hanging from the skirt under your dress and each ribbon will have a certain number of knots in it. Two ribbons will have the same number of knots and you will find the ribbons that match, tie them together and POOF, you are bustled. Wrong. This almost never works and the reason is because either the ribbons break, the seamstress forgets to add the correct number of ribbons, or the ribbons were not knotted correctly so they do not all have a match. If you can avoid this bustling option, you will be saving yourself from a guaranteed broken train and you will be saving the person who has to bustle you from a search party for 20 knotted ribbons.
Talk to your seamstress about having hooks or buttons added to the back of the dress to act as a bustle. Also, talk to her about having multiple (maybe three) hooks rather than just one. Nine times out of ten, even if the material is light and does not have much beadwork your moving around all night and being pulled in one hundred directions will only warrant the support of three hooks as a bustle rather than just one.
Regardless of your final decision after speaking with your seamstress, please keep this in mind as a major component to the dress picking process. No matter how pretty your dress is for the ceremony and how pretty the dress was supposed to be with that gorgeous French Bustle, it will still look like a dust rag after dragging the dance floor all night. It will be worth the extra money to add an easier and more reliable option. But also keep in mind, if the bustle does break, either carry the train on your arm all night, or hang the dress on your wrist using the lingerie hook under the bottom of the dress to keep it from dragging the floor. Do not let it ruin your fun night!
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