Pinterest

I'm sure we are all aware of a little site called Pinterest, which allows us to create a "bulletin board" of pictures to include anything from home décor to the “perfect” guy we’d like to marry!  Pinterest primarily serves as a "book mark" to save the style and ideas of what we love if we were ever to buy a house, plan a wedding, purchase a new wardrobe, start a family or have the money for a complete makeover.  I'm not sure that I understand why pinterest is important to most people, but I know that it is important to my brides so that they have a place to keep all of their design ideas and "favorite looks" as it pertains to their wedding. I think for that purpose, it is useful; but overall, Pinterest is the disappointment of every fantasizing bride and the demise of every planner/ vendor involved in the bride’s wedding. Why do I feel this way? Well, there are a few reasons.
Have you ever seen a Wendy's commercial and the burger looks so big and juicy that it forces you to rush over and order the very same burger that you just saw on television; however, when you get it, it's flat and dry and looks like it shrank in comparison? Well, that's because pictures of food are traditionally fake or staged for the commercials/ ads in which they are featured. This same theory can be true of the seven-tier, strawberry-filled cake that you saw on Pinterest.
When my girls show up to the bakery with a picture of a cake that is 7 feet tall and has to be filled with fresh strawberries because they saw it on Pinterest, they do not understand why the bakery crushed their dreams by telling them that a cake that size will slide if filled with fresh strawberries.  It's the realism that Pinterest takes away from my brides that causes so much disappointment.
Then there is the bride who asks her photographer to take a picture of her, and she wants it to look exactly like a picture she saw on Pinterest so much so that she went out and bought the very outfit that the girl in the picture is wearing.  This is not only frustrating because certain things cannot be duplicated, but it also creates a total lack of originality.  The frantic desire to replicate something to be so exact is a definite set up for a major disappointment (especially when the picture you saw was taken during the day, with windows lining the back wall, with the New York city skyline as its background, and you are asking for the picture to be taken at night in your childhood bedroom with no windows.)
As I am writing this, I realize that I should not blame Pinterest, I should blame the girls that misuse it and take it to the extreme (just like Facebook, but that’s for a different day).  Just like anything else, Pinterest is a great resource for most girls; but I guess when you are living in a fantasy world, you will live in that world with or without Pinterest. It is particularly hard for this planner to see the same design ideas surfacing time and time again and even harder to see my vendors pressured and limited because of Pinterest. Let's get original, ladies. And please for the love of it all, keep things to a minimum.
Just because you saw it on Pinterest doesn't mean it all looks good together and should be used in the same space. I had a bride a few months ago who had her reception looking like a real life Pinterest bulletin board. Guests actually walked in and said "Oh my God, Pinterest threw up in here."  That's not good, girls!!!
So, let's use these resources for good and not for evil. Be your own person. Learn that others’ ideas should be used as inspiration; take what you like and add a twist to it!

The Etiquette of Friendship

                I am a major fan of a little show called Sex and the City; maybe you’ve heard of it.  While watching a few episodes the other day, for the millionth time, I started thinking about the friendships between these four women.  I often wonder how realistic is it to think that we can have friendships like Carrie, Samatha, Charlotte and Miranda?

                As a New Yorker at heart, I am aware that the apartment size of Carrie Bradshaw’s is completely unrealistic on a writer’s salary (that is until she got the book deal and started writing for Vogue, but anyway…).  And, the number of designer shoes and outfits purchased by this New York columnist is definitely not feasible, especially when she eats out for every single meal and only at the most expensive places in the city.  But what about the actual story line of the girls?  Is it possible to have friends that accept you no matter what and put you first, or even in the top three on the priority list?  To have a relationship with your girlfriends where you can make time for each other even once a week is a definite feet, much less to see each other two and three times a week no matter what.  And the rule of no cell phones while they are together?  My friends would die if I would adhere to that rule for even one hour at a Daiquiri Bay night!

While their commitment to each other is unbelievable enough in the hustle and bustle world of climbing the corporate ladder, raising children and trying not to be included in the rising rate of divorce, the bigger faux to this television friendship is the emotional support.  Is it possible to have friends that support you and carry you thru life no matter what the obstacle?  These girls have supported each other thru the tragedies of dating, thru job promotions and job losses, thru changes of address in boroughs and foreign countries, thru marriages and divorces, thru having affairs with married men and having unfaithful spouses, thru child birth, child loss and adoption and even thru cancer and chemo.  They have been there for it all with comments and advice, but without judgment.  Judgment; That is the key.  How many of us can say that we have not only supported our friends thru the roughest phases and decisions in life, but we didn’t judge them in the process? 

One of the things that keep these girls together is their ability to give each other their thoughts and opinions (directly to each other’s faces), but still be okay if ultimately the person doesn’t do as they advise.  Having the ability to still see your friend as the person you always thought she was after seeing her use poor judgment or react poorly to a circumstance in her life, is often hard to do.  But isn’t it woman who always say “if you can’t tell your girlfriends, who can you tell?”  Remember that the next time one of your best friends confides in you and you barely hear the end of her thought before running to call the other girls in the group to gossip about it.  When I tell my girlfriends something, I expect that they will say what they need to say right to my face, drink about it with me, have a good cry and then move on.  If I wanted the gossip and judgment, I’d put it on facebook (or I’d tell my mother).

At any rate, in my life, I have been blessed with best friends that I have picked up at different stages of my life (some from grammar school, high school and of course, college) and I’ve been able to keep them with me thus far.  Ultimately, I realize that all of these women are different and I love them because of that.  There are no two of us that lead the same life or have made the same choices and I respect each of them for who they are.  I do not always agree with them and trust me, I let them know, but at the end of the day, it’s their life and I’m just here to enjoy it with them, help them rebuild it if it comes crashing down and kill who ever hurts them! 

I do not have it all figured out, that’s for sure, but I know that when I’ve gone thru the roughest patches in my life, the last thing I needed was a swift kick to the gut by the people I love the most when I’m already laying on the ground.  Consider how you feel and what type of support you want before reacting to situations that your friends are going thru.  And when there comes a day that your friend does something that you cannot comprehend and support; something so horrendous that you just cannot see her the same way ever again, make sure your house isn’t made out of glass before you throw the stone!

Hair and Makeup Advice

As a bride on your wedding day, before you can put on the perfect dress to pose for the perfect pictures that will be the only physical evidence of your perfect day, you'll need the perfect hair and makeup! A bride without hair and make-up is like a dress with no alterations. Would you wear your wedding dress with those large orange "chip clips" on your back? No. So let's give our entire look an alteration or two.

Some brides choose to tackle hair and make-up themselves, but the vast majorities turn to the professions. When hiring any vendor for your wedding day, I believe personality plays a huge part in being a good fit for each bride. I tend to refer the vendors that will mesh well with my girls and lend themselves both to the type of work the bride is looking for and the "character" that works for that individual. When it comes to hair dressers and make-up artists, I'm very particular about who my girls work with. These professionals start off the day with the bride and essentially set the tone for the entire day and whether or not we stay on schedule, stress out the bride by rushing or running behind, or ease her mind by allowing her to relax with her girlfriends!

With that in mind, I've spoken to some of my favorite professionals who always stay on schedule and make my girls feel relaxed.
Kellie Bode (Kellie Bode Professional Make-up Artistry - www.kelliebode.com), Katie Malone (Katie Malone Make-up studio (pixie make-up salon) www.katiemalonemakeup.com), Trish Popovich (style squared – www.stylesquaredneworleans.com) and Hair stylist Anne Kirsch (anned324@yahoo.com).

One way to keep the day relaxed is to let the bride sleep as long as she can!!! No one wants the bride/bridesmaids to have to start their day at 7am just to so that the there's enough time to get everyone's hair and make-up done. So you have to decide whether or not you want one hair stylist/make-up artist or two and that all depends on the number of girls you have who need the services and the time that you have to get ready. Although all four of my professionals have done and can do weddings of up to 15 girls on their own, the average number of girls they feel works for majority of the time frames on a wedding day is 8. Again, they can definitely handle more, but for a stress free, sleep-as- late-as-you-can wedding day, that's the magic number.

It was agreed upon that it traditionally takes about 30 minutes per face on the wedding day (for bridesmaids) and 45 minutes for the bride and it takes anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes per head (for bridesmaids) and an hour for the bride.
But Kellie Bode reminds me that she "does an amazing job no matter what the role in the wedding". She actually spends the last 30 minutes touching up all of the girls, especially the girls that had their makeup done earlier in the day (those that were first or second in the lineup). I think making sure that each girl is fresh before pictures and the start of the actual event is so important, especially since that's why no one ever wants to go first on the morning of the big day.

As far as the line up goes, I personally think the bride should be someone in the middle of the pack, but closer to the end. I do not like for her to go first, but I do not like saving her for last either. Katie and Kellie both agree that the bride should be second to last or third to last so that she has her morning free to spend time with her friends, get any last minute details together and then she has time after her make-up is done to relax and get dressed early if she needs to.

Another suggestion that I make to my girls is to do a trial with your hair dresser and make-up artist if at all possible. And if you can use them prior to the wedding for real events, that certainly helps as well. Katie tells me that she finds it helpful when the girls come to her before their bridal portraits, engagement session or rehearsal dinner. She says that it allows her to get to know the bride's face and even her personality which can really make the wedding day more personal to the girls.

I do believe a hair trial is a definite necessity so that the hair stylist can learn your hair type, especially if you are hoping to have a more detailed hair style. But truth be told, some of the most detailed styles are coming from the bridesmaids. Trish has noticed the bridesmaids have gotten way more into their hair styles as of late and it's not just about the bride anymore. I think it's a great way for the bridesmaids to have their own individuality but we are always careful to make the bride the star of the show. A good way to accomplish that, and also a huge trend right now for brides, is to have a hair accessory such as a feather or flower. And with the help of pinterest and etsy, there are millions of options out there for the brides to find. What brides do not realize is that these accessories are not always "one size fits all".

Sometimes hair can be too thin for the accessory the bride is bringing in, so Anne has taken things one step further and she actually sells these accessories to her brides so that she can match each bride with the best fit for her! Anytime you have an option to buy something specifically from the professional you are working with thereby making it a little more customized based on your hair, face, body or budget, take it!

No matter what, choose a hair dresser and make-up artist that make you feel comfortable. Create your schedule wisely and make sure you book the appropriate number of stylists to keep your day running smoothly. Take advice from the professionals whenever possible and do a trial before your big day. And here are some last minute tips I'd like to throw in: bring pictures of hair styles (and make-up), show up with a clean face and clean/dry hair and have the hair dresser/make up artist come to you whenever possible. Relax, sleep as late as you can and call one of my professionals to ensure a great wedding day!!!

Cutting in Line

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine got engaged (shout out Kelly!). I, of course, gave her three full days to revel in the glow of her new ring before hounding her with planning details and questions of wedding madness. Much to my surprise, she had yet to figure out when she would like to have this most precious event in her life, but it wasn’t because she hadn’t thought about it. The fact is, her future husband’s brother is engaged and has been engaged for quite some time, and he and his fiancé will not wed until May of 2013. Kelly’s fear is that she is suppose to wait until after May of 2013 before getting married since the other couple was engaged first. Can anyone guess my rule of thumb on this one? Yep, that’s right – YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE!

In this situation, by the time this other couple gets married, they will have been engaged for two years, which is their decision. But in the wedding world of waiting your turn, anything after a year is open season. Some couples are waiting to finish school, or move out of state, or start their careers. Does this mean that every bride should put her plans on hold because her best friend is marrying a doctor-to-be and they decided to be engaged for 5 years? No way!

For poor ole’ Kelly who got engaged early July, a Spring wedding is her first choice. If she were to wait on her future in laws, she’d have to be engaged for a year and a half and that just won’t fly for her. I say, get while the getting’ is good. As long as she does not make the wedding within a month of their wedding, she is fine. A March wedding would be the latest she could have it without interfering with the other couple. And as long as she doesn’t cross schedules in terms of showers, etc., she is good to go.

When it comes to multiple sisters being engaged at the same time, things can get a bit trickier, but a lot of that falls on the poor father who may be footing the bill for both weddings, which is a totally different topic all together. But as it relates to what order brides get married based on who was engaged first, you get married when you want to get married. There’s something to be said for the bride who has a three month engagement in order to beat her younger sister to the altar, but in most situations, timing is what it is and it’s just a preference of season or scheduling.

In any case, just be considerate of scheduling and making sure there’s enough time for you to get back from your honeymoon or them to get back from their honeymoon, etc (a month’s time to separate the events should be fine). Be considerate of showers and guests that are invited to both events and be considerate of the fact that there is another bride in your presence also going thru the planning and excitement that you are feeling (you may not be center of attention for the entire engagement), but other than that, pick your date and go for it!

The New Orleans Bride

Part of the reason that I started this blog was because I was so frustrated with the “etiquette” blogs out there that are out dated and completely pretentious. The truth is, there really is no true piece of sound advice that works for everyone. Each family has their own set of traditions and “etiquette” and that is essentially what sets the tone for what is “right” and “wrong” in each individual’s situation. The idea that everyone is different is what started me thinking about a new voice for the etiquette of the future, but what is most important to me is to speak for an entirely different group of brides – The New Orleans Brides.

Nothing frustrates me more than reading a book or blog from a writer who classifies New Orleans brides as “Southern” brides. We are not Southern brides; we are New Orleans brides and unless you’re from here, you just don’t get it!

Sit down dinners are not traditional for us, an 80’s cover band will do just fine and we can just as easily have Abita beer in our toasting glass as champagne and no one gives it a second thought. Most of the time, the second line only happens at the reception, around the venue, but when we do venture out, we don’t mind second lining down Bourbon because we’re smart enough to hold our dress in such a way to avoid what might be growing on the streets. We think that cake pulls are a part of every wedding no matter where you are from and we firmly believe that the Groom’s cake is the only chance the guy gets to take part in the wedding. And speaking of cake, New Orleans is the only place where “wedding cake” is an actual flavor and the only acceptable flavor for our wedding cakes.

We have a formula for the wedding day and it typically does not include seeing our groom prior to the ceremony, which will inevitably take place in a Catholic Church. We use police escorts even if we are only going down the street and the local drivers know better than to interrupt a wedding procession. We’re all about a buffet, carving stations and an open bar and the thought of a dry reception is actually confusing to us.

Even the suburban New Orleanians (Metairie and Kenner citizens) who have the tradition of a Catholic Church paired with an all inclusive reception hall because the parents feel it’s rude to ask their friends to pay for downtown parking, follow these traditions as this New Orleans community as a whole is its own breed. Our breed has bridal parties filled with friends they’ve been with since grammar school and each of our guests will surely run into at least 2 sets of people they’ve known their whole life, yet did not realize were connected to the bride and groom.

For the New Orleans bride, it’s all about family, friends you’ve known your whole life and celebrating everything! We’re more about bloody mary’s on the balcony, than iced tea on the porch. And we’re more likely to drink past the heat than to fan ourselves. Because of our saucy twist on Southern traditions, we are not like Southerners at all and that’s why so many people travel to our city every year for their big day! After all, no one does anything quite like we do things here in New Orleans. We do have that Southern charm, but it’s got a kick that translates to anyone who comes to visit and that’s why everyone loves it here – in New Orleans proper – not just the SOUTH!

The "Perfect" Wedding

Most people will tell you that there’s no such thing as a perfect anything – not a perfect marriage, or a perfect person, and they always say there’s no “perfect” wedding. I tend to disagree with the last part of that theory as I have attended many “perfect” weddings, as far as my clients know anyway. But this year, I experienced the most perfect wedding of all – but it wasn’t because of anything I did, or anything that any of the vendors did – it was because of the bride, the groom and the family involved.
Last week, Dee White passed away leaving behind four beautiful children and the “perfect” wife. One of those four children, Barrett, got married in March of this year and I was lucky enough to be a part of that most wonderful wedding.
I was first introduced to the family in August of 2010 and we began planning from there. Because the bride and groom lived out of town, I planned majority of the wedding with the bride’s mother, Jessica. From the very first meeting with Jessica, she spoke so lovingly of her children and husband that I knew this was a family I would fall in love with, and I did. Both Dee and Jessica did everything possible to give Barrett whatever she wanted, not what they wanted. Barrett traditionally came in around the holidays, so the house was filled with all four children, and significant others, plus all of their puppies! And every sibling wanted to be involved in the wedding details, including the only brother of the four children, Neal.
I had never seen such a supportive family, starting with the parents trickling down to each of the children. I realized the true bond of this family when Neal came home in the middle of our cake tasting and announced he had passed a certification exam and everyone quickly put the cake tasting on hold. It was his sisters who pulled out the champagne to toast his success immediately and they included me in every minute of the celebration. I knew his parents were proud of his accomplishment, but I was more proud of the way they had raised their children.
People often say that when planning a wedding, parents in particular get wrapped up with the bride and the bride can certainly forget that other things non-wedding even exist. This was not the case in this family and it was refreshing to see that weddings do not always cause drama and stress. They were one of the most even keeled families to work with and it paid off on the day of the wedding.
My point in having this tribute to this special family is this: often times the stereotype surrounding weddings has more to do with the drama it can cause for a family, the fights it can lead to with the mothers and the stress of the planning. This family was proof that when things are done correctly and kept in perspective, a wedding is the happiest day of your life and the one of the best memories we have with our families – and that’s exactly what it should be. But this all starts at the top of the chain with the parents.
So thank you, Dee and Jessica White, for raising your children to rejoice in each other’s time of joy and to share special times with each other. For allowing your children to be themselves instead of pushing them to be who you thought they should be. And for reminding me what makes the “perfect” wedding – Being on the dance floor all night long with your wife and children dancing like no one is watching, enjoying each other like no one else exists and knowing that it’s a moment they’ll remember for the rest of their lives.

The Vendor and the Wedding Planner

Once upon a time, there was a very sweet, reliable, even keeled wedding planner with great communication skills! She worked really hard to please both her clients and her vendors by trying to get her job done while avoiding stepping on toes in the process. One day, she was hired to help a client with last minute details on the day of her wedding so she began calling vendors to make sure all of the details were finalized, arrival times were set and final payments were received. Things were going well until she got the florist on the phone. She gave her routine speech and asked the necessary questions:
“Hi, this is Kelly Sherlock. I’m the day-of wedding planner for Ms. Bride so I’m just calling her vendors to make sure we have the details finalized, that you have the most updated floor plan, to see if there’s a final balance and also to get an arrival time from you so I can add you to the schedule for the venue!”
Here’s what this florist had to say:
“Well thank you for reaching out to me, but I won’t be speaking with you. I am working directly with the bride and I really hate when planners call me and try to get involved. I’ve been in this business for 36 years and I know everything I need to know – there’s nothing that I need from you, but I will be calling the bride to give all of this information directly to her”.
That florist has never worked in New Orleans again – Just Kidding!!
What actually happen was that the florist delivered the flowers late because the bride forgot to tell her that picture times had been moved up and the floor plan had changed so she did not have enough arrangements. Both things could have been avoided if the florist would have taken my call and allowed me to run through the schedule with her.
This little fable is based on a true story, but unfortunately it happens more than you think because some vendors are concerned about working with planners, and the brides need to know this so that the expectation is set up front. With so many planners popping up in the city, the good ones are hard to spot, but we do exist. The problem is that so many vendors have had bad experiences with the other planners that by the time the good ones come into the picture, the vendors are jaded with an attitude and a closed door. The reality is that although I understand that, I still have a job to do. And we all have to consider that there’s a lot of competition in this industry so I can name at least one florist, one photographer, one videographer, one limo company and one band who have done a poor job on occasion and totally ruined someone’s wedding day. Does that mean that every time I come in contact with someone who performs one of those functions in this industry, I believe that they too will screw up? That doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense.
My point is, everyone has horror stories, but allowing me to screw up, before you assume that I will, is very helpful to our clients – because these brides are OUR clients. Also, in the case of full service planning, I am with these brides for the entire engagement, not just one or two meetings like most vendors - so allowing me to pass along the trigger points of this particular bride and her family, is only beneficial to you. Plus, no bride wants to know that she’s paying me to take away the headaches and she’s paying you to buck that system.
As for the brides, if you are not hiring a planner until the end of the planning process, please let your vendors know that she will be contacting them the month prior and that you do not want to be bothered at that time – which is why you are paying the planner. In the case of full service, the same rules apply. If you want your planner to be the main contact and you do not want to be bothered with the details and questions, let the vendors know so that it’s coming straight from your mouth. And more than likely, if there’s a vendor that the planner will not work with, they aren’t worth the trouble they will create, but as always, it’s up to the girls.