Something that has come up recently that is a bit confusing to me is the bride or groom who suddenly thinks they are Timbaland and want to make an actual play list for their band or DJ. I have had brides go so far as to put the songs that they want in order of how they want them to be played. Some actually time out each individual song and each break from beginning to end; all four hours of the night. My question is, why hire a band (or a DJ)? Just plug in an IPOD and call yourself a producer.
First off, I am very much against planning things to that degree. There is no possible way for anyone or anything to live up to expectations of that caliber. The reason behind a schedule or suggested song list is to give the band an idea of the couple’s taste and to give the bride and groom a guideline of how the night will line up. I think if you have time to realize that your songs are out of order, then you are not enjoying your night and you only have yourself to blame for not being able to relinquish control – and you’ve wasted a whole lot of time and money .
Secondly, since when is everyone a music guru? I find this with a lot of couples in relation to their vendors, where the bride and groom think they know more than the professionals. If you find vendors that you trust, then you would not have to give them direction and tell them how to do their jobs. The majority of the bands playing weddings in New Orleans are bands that play weddings every weekend, more or less. Because of this fact, they should be more than experienced enough to know what will get your crowd on the dance floor or how to tell if the party is losing interest. I realize that this is giving a lot of credit to wide variety of people, since every band is different, but for the most part, they should know their job enough to know what works.
When it comes to music for the reception, I tell my girls to go through the song list that the band gives and make two lists; a “do not play” list, which is a list of the songs that the band is not to play under any circumstance even if they are offered money by a guest, and a “must play” list, which includes a few of the bride and groom’s favorite songs. These should be the only song lists that the band (or DJ) is given, other than a list of specialty songs – Bride and Groom’s first dance, Bride and Father of the Bride’s first dance, Groom and mother of the Groom’s first dance and Wedding Party Dance. You should let your band know the overall feel of the wedding or if there’s a genre that you absolutely love. Guiding them is not a problem, but thinking you know how to keep a party going with music is not okay and has the makings of the most horrible receptions I can think of.
Make sure you choose the entertainment for your wedding wisely. Do not have a band play if you know you want a variety of music that only a DJ can provide. And do not pick a brass band if you know you want cover songs with male and female singers. Investigate and search for what you want before committing to something based off of a friend’s recommendation. Most importantly, trust your choices and do not try to control every aspect of everything. Allow your band to do what they do best – entertain the crowd. After all, it is the band getting judged on their performance at your wedding and when you tell them how to do their job, they are getting judged on the boring performance they gave because of your failed music choices. If someone came to your office and directed you to do your job incorrectly, wouldn’t you be upset?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day and Night
It is no secret that weekend nights, in particular Saturday nights, are the first slots to fill up at any church and/or reception venue in the New Orleans area. The reasoning behind the choice for most people is that they will have the entire day to get ready for the main event – but does extending your prep time mean you are extending the length of your wedding? Although a nice, full day to prepare and a long, rested night to celebrate sounds like the best idea ever, I urge you to consider an option that goes overlooked and undersold yet gives you the opportunity to enjoy more of the day with your new spouse and your wedding guests:
A Day Time Wedding!
Nine times out of ten, my girls hope for an “after party,” some place to go where they can continue the celebration and keep the party kickin’. Nine times out of ten, after hosting bridesmaids and family with prep all afternoon, a 7pm ceremony and a three to four hour reception quickly turns into midnight and the hotel suite starts looking better and better.
A great friend of mine, Ashley Ricord Santos (perhaps you are familiar with her successful acting career in New Orleans) got married on a Saturday at 1pm and it was one of the best weddings I’ve ever been in. By eliminating the afternoon “bonding time,” she was able to use her time celebrating and stretch out her day in the best way possible.
Instead of having to be at a hotel early in the morning to sit around all day while all of the bridesmaids got hair and make-up done, we met an hour before the ceremony already dressed and ready to go! We had the option to come early and spend time together primping or helping the bride get ready, but the tiring process of stretching out the day with activities and mandatory bonding wasn’t necessary.
By noon we were taking pictures and by 1pm we were processing into the church. She had a fabulous reception downtown where lunch was served (instead of dinner) and everyone was feeling great because the morning hadn’t taken everything out of us. The reception ended at about 5:30pm and because it was still early, the entire bridal party, close family and a good number of the guests took the party to the rooftop of the hotel where the bride and groom were staying.
After the reception, Ashley and her husband Michael were able to go to dinner and then come join the rest of us at the “after party” and since everyone had such an easy/fun start, we were all able to keep the party going well into the AM hours. We ended up drinking the night away and having the best end to an incredible wedding day!
Let’s not overlook that another great reason for an afternoon wedding is because of price – a lunch menu can be a lot cheaper than a full dinner spread. A lot of times, there’s more flexibility in booking when it comes to the earlier Saturday hours. You just have to check with the church first to see what times they have available for the ceremony and then you can speak to the reception venue about what they can do in terms of timing and price.
The idea of spending the day with your best girlfriends sipping champagne while someone dolls you up is amazing and it is a whole lot of fun. But how would you feel if you could actually celebrate your wedding all day rather than just prepare all day – and save some money in the process? I think the engagement is enough of a preparation and on the morning of your wedding, there’s something to be said about getting out of bed and getting the show on the road so you can spend more time drinking, dancing and enjoying being married - all day long!
A Day Time Wedding!
Nine times out of ten, my girls hope for an “after party,” some place to go where they can continue the celebration and keep the party kickin’. Nine times out of ten, after hosting bridesmaids and family with prep all afternoon, a 7pm ceremony and a three to four hour reception quickly turns into midnight and the hotel suite starts looking better and better.
A great friend of mine, Ashley Ricord Santos (perhaps you are familiar with her successful acting career in New Orleans) got married on a Saturday at 1pm and it was one of the best weddings I’ve ever been in. By eliminating the afternoon “bonding time,” she was able to use her time celebrating and stretch out her day in the best way possible.
Instead of having to be at a hotel early in the morning to sit around all day while all of the bridesmaids got hair and make-up done, we met an hour before the ceremony already dressed and ready to go! We had the option to come early and spend time together primping or helping the bride get ready, but the tiring process of stretching out the day with activities and mandatory bonding wasn’t necessary.
By noon we were taking pictures and by 1pm we were processing into the church. She had a fabulous reception downtown where lunch was served (instead of dinner) and everyone was feeling great because the morning hadn’t taken everything out of us. The reception ended at about 5:30pm and because it was still early, the entire bridal party, close family and a good number of the guests took the party to the rooftop of the hotel where the bride and groom were staying.
After the reception, Ashley and her husband Michael were able to go to dinner and then come join the rest of us at the “after party” and since everyone had such an easy/fun start, we were all able to keep the party going well into the AM hours. We ended up drinking the night away and having the best end to an incredible wedding day!
Let’s not overlook that another great reason for an afternoon wedding is because of price – a lunch menu can be a lot cheaper than a full dinner spread. A lot of times, there’s more flexibility in booking when it comes to the earlier Saturday hours. You just have to check with the church first to see what times they have available for the ceremony and then you can speak to the reception venue about what they can do in terms of timing and price.
The idea of spending the day with your best girlfriends sipping champagne while someone dolls you up is amazing and it is a whole lot of fun. But how would you feel if you could actually celebrate your wedding all day rather than just prepare all day – and save some money in the process? I think the engagement is enough of a preparation and on the morning of your wedding, there’s something to be said about getting out of bed and getting the show on the road so you can spend more time drinking, dancing and enjoying being married - all day long!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Can I bring a friend?
This week’s blog topic comes from one of “my girls” (better known as a bride that I am working with or have worked with in the past) who is getting married in March. Her invitations went out earlier in the month, and ever since then she has had people texting her, emailing her and facebooking her to ask about bringing additional guests, children or, in some cases, asking outright for an invitation. Most people think this blog, as with any etiquette book or article, is directed to the person hosting the party, receiving the gift or standing at the forefront of the topic being discussed. I have found that in a lot of cases, the etiquette lesson needs to be for the general public attending said event or giving said gift, as is the case here.
When preparing a guest list, many people think about the overall budget as it relates to the price per head for food and alcohol as well as the total capacity that the room can hold before they can even get into their “wish list” of the number they would like to have in attendance. Then the short list is made, which usually includes relatives, close friends and co-workers. This is just for the bride, not including her parents who will surely have the biggest portion of the guest list if they are paying. Once the bride and her parents have their short list, the groom and his parents chime in with their relatives, close friends and possibly their co-workers. By that time, the list has inevitably grown too much to consider it the short list and becomes the long list which starts getting cut.
When I got married, my husband worked in an office of about 50 people – 50 people plus a guest for each of them is already 100 guests. To put it in an even better perspective, the price per head for food and alcohol usually starts at $60/head (and this is a conservative price). 100 guests (50 of which we did not even know) times $60/head is $6,000. Because of this equation, we cut his co-workers first! Unfortunately, along with co-workers that you do not work with directly on a daily basis, this is where the college friends that you have not seen or spoken to in 10 years fall off. Also, often times people go through and take off the “and guest” if there is a potential guest that is not married, engaged or in a serious relationship. After that, you have the famous decision of whether or not children will be invited, but that is a topic for a different blog so I will not go into that.
My point is, there are a lot of things and people to consider when getting down to the final guest list. Not that anyone owes an explanation to the people who did not make it onto the final guest list or to the people that did not get an “and guest,” but I’m being courteous as obviously some of the general public is unaware of what goes into the guest list process. I do think that these same people need to know that whatever is stated on the front and inner envelope of your invitation is who the bride has invited. If your children are invited, it will say “and Family” and then, most of the time, on the inner envelope, each child’s name is listed (or “and Family” will be printed again). If that is not on the envelope, there has been no mistake! Do not call to check with the bride “just to make sure!”
As far as the etiquette goes for the people who choose to believe that technology has given them the opportunity to ease into a rude situation (that they would never put themselves in if they had to deal with the awkwardness of asking such inappropriate things face to face), allow me to clarify this for you – it does not matter if it comes via text, facebook, mail carrier, stork or telegram – inviting yourself to something that you were not invited to is rude and furthermore, asking to bring a friend is grounds for you to be kicked off of the guest list. Be understanding to the circumstances of the host and know that if they had the privilege of inviting an unlimited number of guests, you, your children, your hook up from the night before and more than likely the bartender from the bachelorette party would be on the list – but in real life, that is just not the case.
When preparing a guest list, many people think about the overall budget as it relates to the price per head for food and alcohol as well as the total capacity that the room can hold before they can even get into their “wish list” of the number they would like to have in attendance. Then the short list is made, which usually includes relatives, close friends and co-workers. This is just for the bride, not including her parents who will surely have the biggest portion of the guest list if they are paying. Once the bride and her parents have their short list, the groom and his parents chime in with their relatives, close friends and possibly their co-workers. By that time, the list has inevitably grown too much to consider it the short list and becomes the long list which starts getting cut.
When I got married, my husband worked in an office of about 50 people – 50 people plus a guest for each of them is already 100 guests. To put it in an even better perspective, the price per head for food and alcohol usually starts at $60/head (and this is a conservative price). 100 guests (50 of which we did not even know) times $60/head is $6,000. Because of this equation, we cut his co-workers first! Unfortunately, along with co-workers that you do not work with directly on a daily basis, this is where the college friends that you have not seen or spoken to in 10 years fall off. Also, often times people go through and take off the “and guest” if there is a potential guest that is not married, engaged or in a serious relationship. After that, you have the famous decision of whether or not children will be invited, but that is a topic for a different blog so I will not go into that.
My point is, there are a lot of things and people to consider when getting down to the final guest list. Not that anyone owes an explanation to the people who did not make it onto the final guest list or to the people that did not get an “and guest,” but I’m being courteous as obviously some of the general public is unaware of what goes into the guest list process. I do think that these same people need to know that whatever is stated on the front and inner envelope of your invitation is who the bride has invited. If your children are invited, it will say “and Family” and then, most of the time, on the inner envelope, each child’s name is listed (or “and Family” will be printed again). If that is not on the envelope, there has been no mistake! Do not call to check with the bride “just to make sure!”
As far as the etiquette goes for the people who choose to believe that technology has given them the opportunity to ease into a rude situation (that they would never put themselves in if they had to deal with the awkwardness of asking such inappropriate things face to face), allow me to clarify this for you – it does not matter if it comes via text, facebook, mail carrier, stork or telegram – inviting yourself to something that you were not invited to is rude and furthermore, asking to bring a friend is grounds for you to be kicked off of the guest list. Be understanding to the circumstances of the host and know that if they had the privilege of inviting an unlimited number of guests, you, your children, your hook up from the night before and more than likely the bartender from the bachelorette party would be on the list – but in real life, that is just not the case.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Budget Blunders
After the first of the year, many newspapers and wedding magazines will put out a “master wedding issue” to kick off the New Year and help with planning advice for those brides who just got engaged over the holiday. Besides the “planning guide,” which is an overall time line of how the planning process should flow, (this is definitely a topic for a different blog) the other most obnoxious and off-base guide they provide is the budget guide.
Let me preface by saying that I do not believe in “master guides” if you are using them as your sole method of planning. None of these books or online tools will really help you plan if you are the type of person who #1. Knows nothing about weddings, how to plan them or where to start or #2. Does not have the organizational skills to keep up with the contracts, details and especially budget. With that being said the budget part of the planning is often the most important part for brides planning their dream wedding, especially in a world where more of the financial obligation is falling on the couples themselves. As a matter of fact, the radio show “Wedding Talk” – channel 690 AM WIST talk radio Saturday mornings from 10am – 11am - will be speaking about budgeting on their show tomorrow and yours truly will be doing a guest spot giving advice and helpful hints (major SHOUT OUT)!
It is my belief that you cannot look at the money you have to spend and decide from that alone what percentage of the budget should be spent on each vendor. You cannot base your decisions off of a chart that has no ranking of what items are most important in the full scheme of your wedding and a chart that has no regard to the culture of your wedding, the number of guests, etc. Most of these guides do not allow for extras such as favors, photo booths, dessert bars, candy bars, coffee bars or any of the other personal touches that so many couples are bringing to the event these days. Not to mention the fact that most of the guides do not take into consideration that some receptions are sit down dinners and other (like most New Orleans receptions) are buffet style. The price difference in those two choices alone will make a huge difference in your budget. My point is, there is no real formula on what percentage of your budget should go to flowers and what percentage should go to food, etc. In reality, if it is important to you, spend money on it (within your means). If it is not important, do not waste your budget.
New Orleans is one of the top places to get married in the U.S. so a good bit of the weddings that happen in the city host couples and guests who are not from here. These guests come here for the culture of our city, of course, but they also want a piece of what we do best which is eat and drink. So in a place like New Orleans, where the food is like no other, why would you take money from that part of your budget and put it towards napkins?
My suggestion is to look at each vendor separately. What part will they play in the overall concept of your wedding? What have you always imagined and what will be most memorable? Whatever the answer, put your money into those things and tighten the strings on the other things. Get more creative with the things that you do not want to blow your budget on like picking a venue that does not need linens, flowers, chair covers, etc. to make it what you want - And no matter what, stop letting a piece of paper produced for the masses tell you where to spend your hard earned money!
Let me preface by saying that I do not believe in “master guides” if you are using them as your sole method of planning. None of these books or online tools will really help you plan if you are the type of person who #1. Knows nothing about weddings, how to plan them or where to start or #2. Does not have the organizational skills to keep up with the contracts, details and especially budget. With that being said the budget part of the planning is often the most important part for brides planning their dream wedding, especially in a world where more of the financial obligation is falling on the couples themselves. As a matter of fact, the radio show “Wedding Talk” – channel 690 AM WIST talk radio Saturday mornings from 10am – 11am - will be speaking about budgeting on their show tomorrow and yours truly will be doing a guest spot giving advice and helpful hints (major SHOUT OUT)!
It is my belief that you cannot look at the money you have to spend and decide from that alone what percentage of the budget should be spent on each vendor. You cannot base your decisions off of a chart that has no ranking of what items are most important in the full scheme of your wedding and a chart that has no regard to the culture of your wedding, the number of guests, etc. Most of these guides do not allow for extras such as favors, photo booths, dessert bars, candy bars, coffee bars or any of the other personal touches that so many couples are bringing to the event these days. Not to mention the fact that most of the guides do not take into consideration that some receptions are sit down dinners and other (like most New Orleans receptions) are buffet style. The price difference in those two choices alone will make a huge difference in your budget. My point is, there is no real formula on what percentage of your budget should go to flowers and what percentage should go to food, etc. In reality, if it is important to you, spend money on it (within your means). If it is not important, do not waste your budget.
New Orleans is one of the top places to get married in the U.S. so a good bit of the weddings that happen in the city host couples and guests who are not from here. These guests come here for the culture of our city, of course, but they also want a piece of what we do best which is eat and drink. So in a place like New Orleans, where the food is like no other, why would you take money from that part of your budget and put it towards napkins?
My suggestion is to look at each vendor separately. What part will they play in the overall concept of your wedding? What have you always imagined and what will be most memorable? Whatever the answer, put your money into those things and tighten the strings on the other things. Get more creative with the things that you do not want to blow your budget on like picking a venue that does not need linens, flowers, chair covers, etc. to make it what you want - And no matter what, stop letting a piece of paper produced for the masses tell you where to spend your hard earned money!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Reaching For Roles
I was thumbing through a bridal magazine the other day and noticed that they had an advice column, so I stopped to skim through the questions and answers. I have been finding myself doing that a lot lately and I have come to the conclusion that not everyone belongs giving advice, especially if you have no experience in the field that you are advising. You do not see me writing a blog about how the Saints played last week (tear), so if you are a sports writer, stick to sports and leave the etiquette questions to me!
At any rate, here’s a perfect example of what I am talking about. A reader wrote in to say that she and her fiancé are blessed to have many people who are close to them, but they recently decided to have a small wedding party composed of just family. The reader went on to say that they would like to give some of their friends a special role in their big day, but if they are not standing at the altar with them, what are some other options.
This is actually a very common question and typically I suggest that you start with the “go to” positions - readers, gift bearers, Eucharistic ministers, greeters to hand out programs, ushers – anything pertaining to a Mass or a ceremony that will be more detailed than strictly exchanging vows. When these “go to” positions are not an option, the bride and groom must then decide if the roles they give their friends to get them involved in the wedding are actually going to make them feel involved or put out.
For instance, the response from the writer of this advice column suggested that the bride and groom consider having an older ring bearer. I am not sure what her idea of older is, but I am pretty sure this couple is not looking for a role filled by an 8 year old and I am almost positive that no 25 year old man is going to carry a pillow on his hand walking down the aisle in front of his fraternity brothers. She also suggested that they pick someone who’s fantastic at public speaking and have them emcee the reception. First of all, when was the last time you attended a New Orleans wedding and had someone emceeing the event? Secondly, would you want to be attending a best friend’s wedding and have to be responsible for keeping the party going all night instead of hanging out with the rest of your friends?
While I can see that thinking outside of the box is sometimes necessary to get all of your best friends and closest family included in your special day, making them pass champagne, serve your cake or emcee your wedding reception can make them feel belittled. It also takes them away from having time to celebrate with you, and the whole point is to have them with you, not to ask your best friends to do a job that your caterer or DJ should be doing.
My suggestion is to provide reserved seating at the ceremony for these special friends and/or family members, have corsages and boutonnières for each of them and even include them in the preparation of your day by having lunch or brunch with the entire group or have them in your hotel room for cocktails while you are getting your hair and make-up done. I had a bride in the exact same situation and had all of her closest girlfriends wear the same color and the groom’s closest friends wore the same tie. It was a great idea and the group of friends loved it (and so did the photographer!).
The bottom line is to think about it from your own perspective; wouldn’t you rather have your best friend come to you and say “I really want to include all of you in my wedding ceremony, but we decided to keep it small by only having our family so I’d like you to be with me on my wedding day for hair, make-up, lunch and cocktails as I prepare” or would you rather her say “I could not think of any other way to include you so I’d like you to be a 30 year old flower girl and throw petals at my feet just before I come down the aisle”? I do not know about you, but I’d rather the cocktails!
At any rate, here’s a perfect example of what I am talking about. A reader wrote in to say that she and her fiancé are blessed to have many people who are close to them, but they recently decided to have a small wedding party composed of just family. The reader went on to say that they would like to give some of their friends a special role in their big day, but if they are not standing at the altar with them, what are some other options.
This is actually a very common question and typically I suggest that you start with the “go to” positions - readers, gift bearers, Eucharistic ministers, greeters to hand out programs, ushers – anything pertaining to a Mass or a ceremony that will be more detailed than strictly exchanging vows. When these “go to” positions are not an option, the bride and groom must then decide if the roles they give their friends to get them involved in the wedding are actually going to make them feel involved or put out.
For instance, the response from the writer of this advice column suggested that the bride and groom consider having an older ring bearer. I am not sure what her idea of older is, but I am pretty sure this couple is not looking for a role filled by an 8 year old and I am almost positive that no 25 year old man is going to carry a pillow on his hand walking down the aisle in front of his fraternity brothers. She also suggested that they pick someone who’s fantastic at public speaking and have them emcee the reception. First of all, when was the last time you attended a New Orleans wedding and had someone emceeing the event? Secondly, would you want to be attending a best friend’s wedding and have to be responsible for keeping the party going all night instead of hanging out with the rest of your friends?
While I can see that thinking outside of the box is sometimes necessary to get all of your best friends and closest family included in your special day, making them pass champagne, serve your cake or emcee your wedding reception can make them feel belittled. It also takes them away from having time to celebrate with you, and the whole point is to have them with you, not to ask your best friends to do a job that your caterer or DJ should be doing.
My suggestion is to provide reserved seating at the ceremony for these special friends and/or family members, have corsages and boutonnières for each of them and even include them in the preparation of your day by having lunch or brunch with the entire group or have them in your hotel room for cocktails while you are getting your hair and make-up done. I had a bride in the exact same situation and had all of her closest girlfriends wear the same color and the groom’s closest friends wore the same tie. It was a great idea and the group of friends loved it (and so did the photographer!).
The bottom line is to think about it from your own perspective; wouldn’t you rather have your best friend come to you and say “I really want to include all of you in my wedding ceremony, but we decided to keep it small by only having our family so I’d like you to be with me on my wedding day for hair, make-up, lunch and cocktails as I prepare” or would you rather her say “I could not think of any other way to include you so I’d like you to be a 30 year old flower girl and throw petals at my feet just before I come down the aisle”? I do not know about you, but I’d rather the cocktails!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Anti-Social Status
A few weeks ago, I was approached by a writer doing an article for the Gambit about how the internet has affected wedding planning, the etiquette of weddings and the overall feel of such special events. Since I have not read her finished article (it comes out in the Gambit Wedding Issue on the 11th of this month – shout out!) I do not want to run the risk of writing something similar, but I do have to touch on a one topic in particular that we discussed!
This writer asked me about tweeting and updating face book while at the ceremony. I was a bit confused as I have not had any couples interested in their phones once the ceremony starts. As a matter of fact, I cannot think of a time that I’ve even seen a bride or a groom touch their phone during a ceremony or reception. I guess I should consider myself lucky as this writer had a different experience.
She told me of a couple who stopped in the middle of their ceremony, on the altar, to update their status on facebook to “married.” Maybe I am a bit old fashioned, but really guys? This is what our world has come to? To make this issue even worse, she also told me about a woman who blogs and started her own website all about wedding tweeting. I refuse to use this woman’s name as I feel that it would only promote her and that is the last thing I want to do.
At any rate, this woman recommends that the bride designate one person to be her “wedding tweeter” so that she does not have to worry about tweeting on your wedding day. Seriously, how about this for a recommendation – if you are on the altar thinking about tweeting or your facebook status, don’t get married!
I think this woman just single-handedly explained the reason for the estimated 41% divorce rate (and that rate is for first time marriages only). I guess my question is, where is the line between technological advancement and being just plain pathetic? No offense to those of you who think that tweeting during your wedding is “cute” and “trendy” but in my opinion, it’s tacky and a sign that you’ll be changing that status to “Separated” before you know it.
I am a believer that anything is possible for your wedding and that everything should be original and relate directly to the couple, but how is a silly social network relevant to you and your marriage, unless of course you work for facebook or twitter, and I doubt you do. This is just one example of how technology has taken the personal touch out of our otherwise very personal and intimate tasks/occasions, but there will be more blogs in the future to cover more of those issues. In the meantime, unless your last name or your groom’s last name is Zuckerberg or Dorsey, leave face book and twitter out of the ceremony. Better yet, keep your phone off of the guest list all together.
This writer asked me about tweeting and updating face book while at the ceremony. I was a bit confused as I have not had any couples interested in their phones once the ceremony starts. As a matter of fact, I cannot think of a time that I’ve even seen a bride or a groom touch their phone during a ceremony or reception. I guess I should consider myself lucky as this writer had a different experience.
She told me of a couple who stopped in the middle of their ceremony, on the altar, to update their status on facebook to “married.” Maybe I am a bit old fashioned, but really guys? This is what our world has come to? To make this issue even worse, she also told me about a woman who blogs and started her own website all about wedding tweeting. I refuse to use this woman’s name as I feel that it would only promote her and that is the last thing I want to do.
At any rate, this woman recommends that the bride designate one person to be her “wedding tweeter” so that she does not have to worry about tweeting on your wedding day. Seriously, how about this for a recommendation – if you are on the altar thinking about tweeting or your facebook status, don’t get married!
I think this woman just single-handedly explained the reason for the estimated 41% divorce rate (and that rate is for first time marriages only). I guess my question is, where is the line between technological advancement and being just plain pathetic? No offense to those of you who think that tweeting during your wedding is “cute” and “trendy” but in my opinion, it’s tacky and a sign that you’ll be changing that status to “Separated” before you know it.
I am a believer that anything is possible for your wedding and that everything should be original and relate directly to the couple, but how is a silly social network relevant to you and your marriage, unless of course you work for facebook or twitter, and I doubt you do. This is just one example of how technology has taken the personal touch out of our otherwise very personal and intimate tasks/occasions, but there will be more blogs in the future to cover more of those issues. In the meantime, unless your last name or your groom’s last name is Zuckerberg or Dorsey, leave face book and twitter out of the ceremony. Better yet, keep your phone off of the guest list all together.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
House Party
Recently, a vendor mentioned to me that there’s a new fad entering the wedding world called the House Party. From what I can understand this is a second bridal party which serves as a way for the bride and groom to ask whomever they’d like to join in their wedding festivities. Apparently, the House Party can be equal in size to the original bridal party or can be an even larger group than the bridesmaids and groomsmen that may serve as traditional attendants.
I myself have never experienced this House Party trend, but I am here to tell you that this is neither a new, nor a brilliant phenomenon for two main reasons. Number one, because one of my best friends, Anne, executed a similar method of wedding party expansion for her wedding in 2003 – seven years ago. I also used the same strategy, but with a slight twist, for my wedding 4 years ago. Number two, we had reasons for adding additional attendants. This was not something that we decided to do because we wanted everyone and their grandmother involved in our wedding in order to seem important, which is the reason some of the current guests of honor are creating such massive wedding parties and even more massive faux parties, according to local vendors.
My friend Anne has a huge family, so when she got married she realized that most of her bridal party spots would be taken by her 3 sisters, her sister in law, her cousins and two nieces which did not leave any room for our college clique of 5 lovely ladies. With that being said, she had us walk down the aisle together before the bridal party, wearing our own design of a dress in a similar shade of color as the bridesmaids.
When I got married, I had a situation where family and childhood friends filled most of the “traditional” spots so I took Anne’s idea one step further. I actually included my “college crew” as bridesmaids, but because we did not want to ask more guys just to fill in the spots, I had them walk up the aisle along and they all wore black, while the bridesmaids walking with groomsmen wore red. I also wanted to find a way to honor the grandparents that could not be with us on our wedding day, so I had each of the girls carry a blue flower and deliver it to an altar, set at the front of the church, which had each of the grandparents’ pictures on it and a vase in which to set the flowers.
The girls were involved in showers, the bachelorette party, gifts, the day-of preparations, etc., but I just needed a creative way to fit 9 girls in a bridal party what was supposed to only include 4 couples!! Everyone that I chose to participate in my wedding was either a family member or a friend that is still, 4 years later, considered family. I feel that in picking your bridal party, that’s the way it should be. This is not a competition to see who can have the biggest group, and sometimes that’s what I feel goes on when people start adding House Parties to the wedding.
A good rule of thumb is to ask people who have been with you for the major events leading up to the wedding and the people that you know will be with you and that you want with you when times get rough after the wedding. Besides, if you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry that you’ve ever met to be a bridesmaid, how will your real friends feel? Not very special. And if you have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, do not just ask someone in order to keep the numbers even. Have the girls walk up alone and have the guys at the altar with the groom already. If you have more girls than guys, have your maid of honor walk alone or when there are more guys than girls, give one lucky girl two groomsmen as her escorts. The point is, there are ways around having unnecessary attendants and there are definitely other spots to fill in a ceremony rather than creating a House Party. Let’s keep things in perspective and have some kind of standard when choosing the most special group of friends and family to stand before our community and advocate this harmonious occasion!!!
I myself have never experienced this House Party trend, but I am here to tell you that this is neither a new, nor a brilliant phenomenon for two main reasons. Number one, because one of my best friends, Anne, executed a similar method of wedding party expansion for her wedding in 2003 – seven years ago. I also used the same strategy, but with a slight twist, for my wedding 4 years ago. Number two, we had reasons for adding additional attendants. This was not something that we decided to do because we wanted everyone and their grandmother involved in our wedding in order to seem important, which is the reason some of the current guests of honor are creating such massive wedding parties and even more massive faux parties, according to local vendors.
My friend Anne has a huge family, so when she got married she realized that most of her bridal party spots would be taken by her 3 sisters, her sister in law, her cousins and two nieces which did not leave any room for our college clique of 5 lovely ladies. With that being said, she had us walk down the aisle together before the bridal party, wearing our own design of a dress in a similar shade of color as the bridesmaids.
When I got married, I had a situation where family and childhood friends filled most of the “traditional” spots so I took Anne’s idea one step further. I actually included my “college crew” as bridesmaids, but because we did not want to ask more guys just to fill in the spots, I had them walk up the aisle along and they all wore black, while the bridesmaids walking with groomsmen wore red. I also wanted to find a way to honor the grandparents that could not be with us on our wedding day, so I had each of the girls carry a blue flower and deliver it to an altar, set at the front of the church, which had each of the grandparents’ pictures on it and a vase in which to set the flowers.
The girls were involved in showers, the bachelorette party, gifts, the day-of preparations, etc., but I just needed a creative way to fit 9 girls in a bridal party what was supposed to only include 4 couples!! Everyone that I chose to participate in my wedding was either a family member or a friend that is still, 4 years later, considered family. I feel that in picking your bridal party, that’s the way it should be. This is not a competition to see who can have the biggest group, and sometimes that’s what I feel goes on when people start adding House Parties to the wedding.
A good rule of thumb is to ask people who have been with you for the major events leading up to the wedding and the people that you know will be with you and that you want with you when times get rough after the wedding. Besides, if you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry that you’ve ever met to be a bridesmaid, how will your real friends feel? Not very special. And if you have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, do not just ask someone in order to keep the numbers even. Have the girls walk up alone and have the guys at the altar with the groom already. If you have more girls than guys, have your maid of honor walk alone or when there are more guys than girls, give one lucky girl two groomsmen as her escorts. The point is, there are ways around having unnecessary attendants and there are definitely other spots to fill in a ceremony rather than creating a House Party. Let’s keep things in perspective and have some kind of standard when choosing the most special group of friends and family to stand before our community and advocate this harmonious occasion!!!
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