This week’s blog topic comes from one of “my girls” (better known as a bride that I am working with or have worked with in the past) who is getting married in March. Her invitations went out earlier in the month, and ever since then she has had people texting her, emailing her and facebooking her to ask about bringing additional guests, children or, in some cases, asking outright for an invitation. Most people think this blog, as with any etiquette book or article, is directed to the person hosting the party, receiving the gift or standing at the forefront of the topic being discussed. I have found that in a lot of cases, the etiquette lesson needs to be for the general public attending said event or giving said gift, as is the case here.
When preparing a guest list, many people think about the overall budget as it relates to the price per head for food and alcohol as well as the total capacity that the room can hold before they can even get into their “wish list” of the number they would like to have in attendance. Then the short list is made, which usually includes relatives, close friends and co-workers. This is just for the bride, not including her parents who will surely have the biggest portion of the guest list if they are paying. Once the bride and her parents have their short list, the groom and his parents chime in with their relatives, close friends and possibly their co-workers. By that time, the list has inevitably grown too much to consider it the short list and becomes the long list which starts getting cut.
When I got married, my husband worked in an office of about 50 people – 50 people plus a guest for each of them is already 100 guests. To put it in an even better perspective, the price per head for food and alcohol usually starts at $60/head (and this is a conservative price). 100 guests (50 of which we did not even know) times $60/head is $6,000. Because of this equation, we cut his co-workers first! Unfortunately, along with co-workers that you do not work with directly on a daily basis, this is where the college friends that you have not seen or spoken to in 10 years fall off. Also, often times people go through and take off the “and guest” if there is a potential guest that is not married, engaged or in a serious relationship. After that, you have the famous decision of whether or not children will be invited, but that is a topic for a different blog so I will not go into that.
My point is, there are a lot of things and people to consider when getting down to the final guest list. Not that anyone owes an explanation to the people who did not make it onto the final guest list or to the people that did not get an “and guest,” but I’m being courteous as obviously some of the general public is unaware of what goes into the guest list process. I do think that these same people need to know that whatever is stated on the front and inner envelope of your invitation is who the bride has invited. If your children are invited, it will say “and Family” and then, most of the time, on the inner envelope, each child’s name is listed (or “and Family” will be printed again). If that is not on the envelope, there has been no mistake! Do not call to check with the bride “just to make sure!”
As far as the etiquette goes for the people who choose to believe that technology has given them the opportunity to ease into a rude situation (that they would never put themselves in if they had to deal with the awkwardness of asking such inappropriate things face to face), allow me to clarify this for you – it does not matter if it comes via text, facebook, mail carrier, stork or telegram – inviting yourself to something that you were not invited to is rude and furthermore, asking to bring a friend is grounds for you to be kicked off of the guest list. Be understanding to the circumstances of the host and know that if they had the privilege of inviting an unlimited number of guests, you, your children, your hook up from the night before and more than likely the bartender from the bachelorette party would be on the list – but in real life, that is just not the case.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Budget Blunders
After the first of the year, many newspapers and wedding magazines will put out a “master wedding issue” to kick off the New Year and help with planning advice for those brides who just got engaged over the holiday. Besides the “planning guide,” which is an overall time line of how the planning process should flow, (this is definitely a topic for a different blog) the other most obnoxious and off-base guide they provide is the budget guide.
Let me preface by saying that I do not believe in “master guides” if you are using them as your sole method of planning. None of these books or online tools will really help you plan if you are the type of person who #1. Knows nothing about weddings, how to plan them or where to start or #2. Does not have the organizational skills to keep up with the contracts, details and especially budget. With that being said the budget part of the planning is often the most important part for brides planning their dream wedding, especially in a world where more of the financial obligation is falling on the couples themselves. As a matter of fact, the radio show “Wedding Talk” – channel 690 AM WIST talk radio Saturday mornings from 10am – 11am - will be speaking about budgeting on their show tomorrow and yours truly will be doing a guest spot giving advice and helpful hints (major SHOUT OUT)!
It is my belief that you cannot look at the money you have to spend and decide from that alone what percentage of the budget should be spent on each vendor. You cannot base your decisions off of a chart that has no ranking of what items are most important in the full scheme of your wedding and a chart that has no regard to the culture of your wedding, the number of guests, etc. Most of these guides do not allow for extras such as favors, photo booths, dessert bars, candy bars, coffee bars or any of the other personal touches that so many couples are bringing to the event these days. Not to mention the fact that most of the guides do not take into consideration that some receptions are sit down dinners and other (like most New Orleans receptions) are buffet style. The price difference in those two choices alone will make a huge difference in your budget. My point is, there is no real formula on what percentage of your budget should go to flowers and what percentage should go to food, etc. In reality, if it is important to you, spend money on it (within your means). If it is not important, do not waste your budget.
New Orleans is one of the top places to get married in the U.S. so a good bit of the weddings that happen in the city host couples and guests who are not from here. These guests come here for the culture of our city, of course, but they also want a piece of what we do best which is eat and drink. So in a place like New Orleans, where the food is like no other, why would you take money from that part of your budget and put it towards napkins?
My suggestion is to look at each vendor separately. What part will they play in the overall concept of your wedding? What have you always imagined and what will be most memorable? Whatever the answer, put your money into those things and tighten the strings on the other things. Get more creative with the things that you do not want to blow your budget on like picking a venue that does not need linens, flowers, chair covers, etc. to make it what you want - And no matter what, stop letting a piece of paper produced for the masses tell you where to spend your hard earned money!
Let me preface by saying that I do not believe in “master guides” if you are using them as your sole method of planning. None of these books or online tools will really help you plan if you are the type of person who #1. Knows nothing about weddings, how to plan them or where to start or #2. Does not have the organizational skills to keep up with the contracts, details and especially budget. With that being said the budget part of the planning is often the most important part for brides planning their dream wedding, especially in a world where more of the financial obligation is falling on the couples themselves. As a matter of fact, the radio show “Wedding Talk” – channel 690 AM WIST talk radio Saturday mornings from 10am – 11am - will be speaking about budgeting on their show tomorrow and yours truly will be doing a guest spot giving advice and helpful hints (major SHOUT OUT)!
It is my belief that you cannot look at the money you have to spend and decide from that alone what percentage of the budget should be spent on each vendor. You cannot base your decisions off of a chart that has no ranking of what items are most important in the full scheme of your wedding and a chart that has no regard to the culture of your wedding, the number of guests, etc. Most of these guides do not allow for extras such as favors, photo booths, dessert bars, candy bars, coffee bars or any of the other personal touches that so many couples are bringing to the event these days. Not to mention the fact that most of the guides do not take into consideration that some receptions are sit down dinners and other (like most New Orleans receptions) are buffet style. The price difference in those two choices alone will make a huge difference in your budget. My point is, there is no real formula on what percentage of your budget should go to flowers and what percentage should go to food, etc. In reality, if it is important to you, spend money on it (within your means). If it is not important, do not waste your budget.
New Orleans is one of the top places to get married in the U.S. so a good bit of the weddings that happen in the city host couples and guests who are not from here. These guests come here for the culture of our city, of course, but they also want a piece of what we do best which is eat and drink. So in a place like New Orleans, where the food is like no other, why would you take money from that part of your budget and put it towards napkins?
My suggestion is to look at each vendor separately. What part will they play in the overall concept of your wedding? What have you always imagined and what will be most memorable? Whatever the answer, put your money into those things and tighten the strings on the other things. Get more creative with the things that you do not want to blow your budget on like picking a venue that does not need linens, flowers, chair covers, etc. to make it what you want - And no matter what, stop letting a piece of paper produced for the masses tell you where to spend your hard earned money!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Reaching For Roles
I was thumbing through a bridal magazine the other day and noticed that they had an advice column, so I stopped to skim through the questions and answers. I have been finding myself doing that a lot lately and I have come to the conclusion that not everyone belongs giving advice, especially if you have no experience in the field that you are advising. You do not see me writing a blog about how the Saints played last week (tear), so if you are a sports writer, stick to sports and leave the etiquette questions to me!
At any rate, here’s a perfect example of what I am talking about. A reader wrote in to say that she and her fiancé are blessed to have many people who are close to them, but they recently decided to have a small wedding party composed of just family. The reader went on to say that they would like to give some of their friends a special role in their big day, but if they are not standing at the altar with them, what are some other options.
This is actually a very common question and typically I suggest that you start with the “go to” positions - readers, gift bearers, Eucharistic ministers, greeters to hand out programs, ushers – anything pertaining to a Mass or a ceremony that will be more detailed than strictly exchanging vows. When these “go to” positions are not an option, the bride and groom must then decide if the roles they give their friends to get them involved in the wedding are actually going to make them feel involved or put out.
For instance, the response from the writer of this advice column suggested that the bride and groom consider having an older ring bearer. I am not sure what her idea of older is, but I am pretty sure this couple is not looking for a role filled by an 8 year old and I am almost positive that no 25 year old man is going to carry a pillow on his hand walking down the aisle in front of his fraternity brothers. She also suggested that they pick someone who’s fantastic at public speaking and have them emcee the reception. First of all, when was the last time you attended a New Orleans wedding and had someone emceeing the event? Secondly, would you want to be attending a best friend’s wedding and have to be responsible for keeping the party going all night instead of hanging out with the rest of your friends?
While I can see that thinking outside of the box is sometimes necessary to get all of your best friends and closest family included in your special day, making them pass champagne, serve your cake or emcee your wedding reception can make them feel belittled. It also takes them away from having time to celebrate with you, and the whole point is to have them with you, not to ask your best friends to do a job that your caterer or DJ should be doing.
My suggestion is to provide reserved seating at the ceremony for these special friends and/or family members, have corsages and boutonnières for each of them and even include them in the preparation of your day by having lunch or brunch with the entire group or have them in your hotel room for cocktails while you are getting your hair and make-up done. I had a bride in the exact same situation and had all of her closest girlfriends wear the same color and the groom’s closest friends wore the same tie. It was a great idea and the group of friends loved it (and so did the photographer!).
The bottom line is to think about it from your own perspective; wouldn’t you rather have your best friend come to you and say “I really want to include all of you in my wedding ceremony, but we decided to keep it small by only having our family so I’d like you to be with me on my wedding day for hair, make-up, lunch and cocktails as I prepare” or would you rather her say “I could not think of any other way to include you so I’d like you to be a 30 year old flower girl and throw petals at my feet just before I come down the aisle”? I do not know about you, but I’d rather the cocktails!
At any rate, here’s a perfect example of what I am talking about. A reader wrote in to say that she and her fiancé are blessed to have many people who are close to them, but they recently decided to have a small wedding party composed of just family. The reader went on to say that they would like to give some of their friends a special role in their big day, but if they are not standing at the altar with them, what are some other options.
This is actually a very common question and typically I suggest that you start with the “go to” positions - readers, gift bearers, Eucharistic ministers, greeters to hand out programs, ushers – anything pertaining to a Mass or a ceremony that will be more detailed than strictly exchanging vows. When these “go to” positions are not an option, the bride and groom must then decide if the roles they give their friends to get them involved in the wedding are actually going to make them feel involved or put out.
For instance, the response from the writer of this advice column suggested that the bride and groom consider having an older ring bearer. I am not sure what her idea of older is, but I am pretty sure this couple is not looking for a role filled by an 8 year old and I am almost positive that no 25 year old man is going to carry a pillow on his hand walking down the aisle in front of his fraternity brothers. She also suggested that they pick someone who’s fantastic at public speaking and have them emcee the reception. First of all, when was the last time you attended a New Orleans wedding and had someone emceeing the event? Secondly, would you want to be attending a best friend’s wedding and have to be responsible for keeping the party going all night instead of hanging out with the rest of your friends?
While I can see that thinking outside of the box is sometimes necessary to get all of your best friends and closest family included in your special day, making them pass champagne, serve your cake or emcee your wedding reception can make them feel belittled. It also takes them away from having time to celebrate with you, and the whole point is to have them with you, not to ask your best friends to do a job that your caterer or DJ should be doing.
My suggestion is to provide reserved seating at the ceremony for these special friends and/or family members, have corsages and boutonnières for each of them and even include them in the preparation of your day by having lunch or brunch with the entire group or have them in your hotel room for cocktails while you are getting your hair and make-up done. I had a bride in the exact same situation and had all of her closest girlfriends wear the same color and the groom’s closest friends wore the same tie. It was a great idea and the group of friends loved it (and so did the photographer!).
The bottom line is to think about it from your own perspective; wouldn’t you rather have your best friend come to you and say “I really want to include all of you in my wedding ceremony, but we decided to keep it small by only having our family so I’d like you to be with me on my wedding day for hair, make-up, lunch and cocktails as I prepare” or would you rather her say “I could not think of any other way to include you so I’d like you to be a 30 year old flower girl and throw petals at my feet just before I come down the aisle”? I do not know about you, but I’d rather the cocktails!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Anti-Social Status
A few weeks ago, I was approached by a writer doing an article for the Gambit about how the internet has affected wedding planning, the etiquette of weddings and the overall feel of such special events. Since I have not read her finished article (it comes out in the Gambit Wedding Issue on the 11th of this month – shout out!) I do not want to run the risk of writing something similar, but I do have to touch on a one topic in particular that we discussed!
This writer asked me about tweeting and updating face book while at the ceremony. I was a bit confused as I have not had any couples interested in their phones once the ceremony starts. As a matter of fact, I cannot think of a time that I’ve even seen a bride or a groom touch their phone during a ceremony or reception. I guess I should consider myself lucky as this writer had a different experience.
She told me of a couple who stopped in the middle of their ceremony, on the altar, to update their status on facebook to “married.” Maybe I am a bit old fashioned, but really guys? This is what our world has come to? To make this issue even worse, she also told me about a woman who blogs and started her own website all about wedding tweeting. I refuse to use this woman’s name as I feel that it would only promote her and that is the last thing I want to do.
At any rate, this woman recommends that the bride designate one person to be her “wedding tweeter” so that she does not have to worry about tweeting on your wedding day. Seriously, how about this for a recommendation – if you are on the altar thinking about tweeting or your facebook status, don’t get married!
I think this woman just single-handedly explained the reason for the estimated 41% divorce rate (and that rate is for first time marriages only). I guess my question is, where is the line between technological advancement and being just plain pathetic? No offense to those of you who think that tweeting during your wedding is “cute” and “trendy” but in my opinion, it’s tacky and a sign that you’ll be changing that status to “Separated” before you know it.
I am a believer that anything is possible for your wedding and that everything should be original and relate directly to the couple, but how is a silly social network relevant to you and your marriage, unless of course you work for facebook or twitter, and I doubt you do. This is just one example of how technology has taken the personal touch out of our otherwise very personal and intimate tasks/occasions, but there will be more blogs in the future to cover more of those issues. In the meantime, unless your last name or your groom’s last name is Zuckerberg or Dorsey, leave face book and twitter out of the ceremony. Better yet, keep your phone off of the guest list all together.
This writer asked me about tweeting and updating face book while at the ceremony. I was a bit confused as I have not had any couples interested in their phones once the ceremony starts. As a matter of fact, I cannot think of a time that I’ve even seen a bride or a groom touch their phone during a ceremony or reception. I guess I should consider myself lucky as this writer had a different experience.
She told me of a couple who stopped in the middle of their ceremony, on the altar, to update their status on facebook to “married.” Maybe I am a bit old fashioned, but really guys? This is what our world has come to? To make this issue even worse, she also told me about a woman who blogs and started her own website all about wedding tweeting. I refuse to use this woman’s name as I feel that it would only promote her and that is the last thing I want to do.
At any rate, this woman recommends that the bride designate one person to be her “wedding tweeter” so that she does not have to worry about tweeting on your wedding day. Seriously, how about this for a recommendation – if you are on the altar thinking about tweeting or your facebook status, don’t get married!
I think this woman just single-handedly explained the reason for the estimated 41% divorce rate (and that rate is for first time marriages only). I guess my question is, where is the line between technological advancement and being just plain pathetic? No offense to those of you who think that tweeting during your wedding is “cute” and “trendy” but in my opinion, it’s tacky and a sign that you’ll be changing that status to “Separated” before you know it.
I am a believer that anything is possible for your wedding and that everything should be original and relate directly to the couple, but how is a silly social network relevant to you and your marriage, unless of course you work for facebook or twitter, and I doubt you do. This is just one example of how technology has taken the personal touch out of our otherwise very personal and intimate tasks/occasions, but there will be more blogs in the future to cover more of those issues. In the meantime, unless your last name or your groom’s last name is Zuckerberg or Dorsey, leave face book and twitter out of the ceremony. Better yet, keep your phone off of the guest list all together.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
House Party
Recently, a vendor mentioned to me that there’s a new fad entering the wedding world called the House Party. From what I can understand this is a second bridal party which serves as a way for the bride and groom to ask whomever they’d like to join in their wedding festivities. Apparently, the House Party can be equal in size to the original bridal party or can be an even larger group than the bridesmaids and groomsmen that may serve as traditional attendants.
I myself have never experienced this House Party trend, but I am here to tell you that this is neither a new, nor a brilliant phenomenon for two main reasons. Number one, because one of my best friends, Anne, executed a similar method of wedding party expansion for her wedding in 2003 – seven years ago. I also used the same strategy, but with a slight twist, for my wedding 4 years ago. Number two, we had reasons for adding additional attendants. This was not something that we decided to do because we wanted everyone and their grandmother involved in our wedding in order to seem important, which is the reason some of the current guests of honor are creating such massive wedding parties and even more massive faux parties, according to local vendors.
My friend Anne has a huge family, so when she got married she realized that most of her bridal party spots would be taken by her 3 sisters, her sister in law, her cousins and two nieces which did not leave any room for our college clique of 5 lovely ladies. With that being said, she had us walk down the aisle together before the bridal party, wearing our own design of a dress in a similar shade of color as the bridesmaids.
When I got married, I had a situation where family and childhood friends filled most of the “traditional” spots so I took Anne’s idea one step further. I actually included my “college crew” as bridesmaids, but because we did not want to ask more guys just to fill in the spots, I had them walk up the aisle along and they all wore black, while the bridesmaids walking with groomsmen wore red. I also wanted to find a way to honor the grandparents that could not be with us on our wedding day, so I had each of the girls carry a blue flower and deliver it to an altar, set at the front of the church, which had each of the grandparents’ pictures on it and a vase in which to set the flowers.
The girls were involved in showers, the bachelorette party, gifts, the day-of preparations, etc., but I just needed a creative way to fit 9 girls in a bridal party what was supposed to only include 4 couples!! Everyone that I chose to participate in my wedding was either a family member or a friend that is still, 4 years later, considered family. I feel that in picking your bridal party, that’s the way it should be. This is not a competition to see who can have the biggest group, and sometimes that’s what I feel goes on when people start adding House Parties to the wedding.
A good rule of thumb is to ask people who have been with you for the major events leading up to the wedding and the people that you know will be with you and that you want with you when times get rough after the wedding. Besides, if you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry that you’ve ever met to be a bridesmaid, how will your real friends feel? Not very special. And if you have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, do not just ask someone in order to keep the numbers even. Have the girls walk up alone and have the guys at the altar with the groom already. If you have more girls than guys, have your maid of honor walk alone or when there are more guys than girls, give one lucky girl two groomsmen as her escorts. The point is, there are ways around having unnecessary attendants and there are definitely other spots to fill in a ceremony rather than creating a House Party. Let’s keep things in perspective and have some kind of standard when choosing the most special group of friends and family to stand before our community and advocate this harmonious occasion!!!
I myself have never experienced this House Party trend, but I am here to tell you that this is neither a new, nor a brilliant phenomenon for two main reasons. Number one, because one of my best friends, Anne, executed a similar method of wedding party expansion for her wedding in 2003 – seven years ago. I also used the same strategy, but with a slight twist, for my wedding 4 years ago. Number two, we had reasons for adding additional attendants. This was not something that we decided to do because we wanted everyone and their grandmother involved in our wedding in order to seem important, which is the reason some of the current guests of honor are creating such massive wedding parties and even more massive faux parties, according to local vendors.
My friend Anne has a huge family, so when she got married she realized that most of her bridal party spots would be taken by her 3 sisters, her sister in law, her cousins and two nieces which did not leave any room for our college clique of 5 lovely ladies. With that being said, she had us walk down the aisle together before the bridal party, wearing our own design of a dress in a similar shade of color as the bridesmaids.
When I got married, I had a situation where family and childhood friends filled most of the “traditional” spots so I took Anne’s idea one step further. I actually included my “college crew” as bridesmaids, but because we did not want to ask more guys just to fill in the spots, I had them walk up the aisle along and they all wore black, while the bridesmaids walking with groomsmen wore red. I also wanted to find a way to honor the grandparents that could not be with us on our wedding day, so I had each of the girls carry a blue flower and deliver it to an altar, set at the front of the church, which had each of the grandparents’ pictures on it and a vase in which to set the flowers.
The girls were involved in showers, the bachelorette party, gifts, the day-of preparations, etc., but I just needed a creative way to fit 9 girls in a bridal party what was supposed to only include 4 couples!! Everyone that I chose to participate in my wedding was either a family member or a friend that is still, 4 years later, considered family. I feel that in picking your bridal party, that’s the way it should be. This is not a competition to see who can have the biggest group, and sometimes that’s what I feel goes on when people start adding House Parties to the wedding.
A good rule of thumb is to ask people who have been with you for the major events leading up to the wedding and the people that you know will be with you and that you want with you when times get rough after the wedding. Besides, if you ask every Tom, Dick and Harry that you’ve ever met to be a bridesmaid, how will your real friends feel? Not very special. And if you have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, do not just ask someone in order to keep the numbers even. Have the girls walk up alone and have the guys at the altar with the groom already. If you have more girls than guys, have your maid of honor walk alone or when there are more guys than girls, give one lucky girl two groomsmen as her escorts. The point is, there are ways around having unnecessary attendants and there are definitely other spots to fill in a ceremony rather than creating a House Party. Let’s keep things in perspective and have some kind of standard when choosing the most special group of friends and family to stand before our community and advocate this harmonious occasion!!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
The Evolution of Dance
I started writing this week’s blog early yesterday morning based on a video that I received last weekend. The video was of a bride and groom doing their first dance which was choreographed, and I use that term loosely, to the Evolution of Dance mix. My original point when I was first writing this was to tell people not to do “choreographed” dances as their first dance, but as I researched further, I realized I have to be a bit more specific. I have learned that the song, the reason and the people make all the difference in the world in determining whether or not you should join in with this trend.
First things first, the Evolution of Dance should be off limits from here on out. As a rule, if that is what you are planning to use as your “surprise choreographed” dance, please save yourself and your guests and just dance to “I Will Always Love You.”
Secondly, the surprise of having a choreographed dance is no longer a surprise. It’s now a trend that everyone knows about – the uniqueness has worn off. The only way to actually make this dance unique is the same way you would make a traditional first dance unique: pick a song that no one else has used.
When using the Evolution of Dance as the song for your first dance, you are using a mix that was created by someone else, therefore it’s not unique and it’s also not your idea, just in case you thought you were being creative. Also, taking the signature moves from each of the 30 songs in the mix (i.e. the Twist, the Hokey Pokey, the YMCA and the Chicken Dance) is hardly considered choreography of the unique kind. Furthermore, if songs like Cotton-eyed Joe, Thriller, YMCA and I Like Big Butts have nothing to do with your relationship, and I hope they do not, then do not use those songs as your first dance.
While researching this phenomenon, I found over 1,000 wedding dance videos to Evolution of Dance and that is only for one particular mix. Although every video is entitled “This is the best one I’ve ever seen!” all of the “choreography,” songs and executions are exactly the same. Does that sound unique to you? Here’s an example of what I am talking about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9XfzvuVhhs
With all of this being said, I do believe that, when done correctly and by the right “cast,” a performance at a reception can be a great addition, but the first thing you need is a rhyme and a reason. For example, my brother Randy is always challenging people to a dance off or breaking into a dance-fit of some sort at parties/receptions. My sister and I have danced all of our lives and our whole family is known for being on the dance floor (even those without professional training). When Randy gets married, it would not be a surprise to see him celebrate with a little Michael Jackson routine, but with his own twist, of course. Perhaps a family dance to a Jackson 5 favorite would be a treat, but regardless, it would be acceptable and, if I know my family, something that has never been seen before.
When it’s relevant because you are a teacher of dance, a talented performer or someone known for having that outgoing, “get up and dance” personality, you are assuring your guests a great treat! As a matter of fact, I’d be willing to bet that none of the couples out there using Evolution of Dance have a relevant reason for such a show – relevancy typically equals creativity – but for those of you with the “dance” bug and no unique ideas, God has graced us with TLC’s “Rock the Reception.”
This show creates an end product that follows all of the guidelines that I would give to my couples – they get to know the couple and use an original song and choreography that matches their personalities, typically the bridal party (or at least the best man and maid of honor) are brought in to dance with the couple, the dance is only 3 minutes instead of 6 and the couples actually dance instead of doing hand motions or silly cliché movements.
Take some time and check out the proper way to execute this trendy specialty dance. This will truly be a surprise to your guests - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8xWmlgjUpc&feature=related
p.s. Girls, learn how to dance while wearing your heels!!!
First things first, the Evolution of Dance should be off limits from here on out. As a rule, if that is what you are planning to use as your “surprise choreographed” dance, please save yourself and your guests and just dance to “I Will Always Love You.”
Secondly, the surprise of having a choreographed dance is no longer a surprise. It’s now a trend that everyone knows about – the uniqueness has worn off. The only way to actually make this dance unique is the same way you would make a traditional first dance unique: pick a song that no one else has used.
When using the Evolution of Dance as the song for your first dance, you are using a mix that was created by someone else, therefore it’s not unique and it’s also not your idea, just in case you thought you were being creative. Also, taking the signature moves from each of the 30 songs in the mix (i.e. the Twist, the Hokey Pokey, the YMCA and the Chicken Dance) is hardly considered choreography of the unique kind. Furthermore, if songs like Cotton-eyed Joe, Thriller, YMCA and I Like Big Butts have nothing to do with your relationship, and I hope they do not, then do not use those songs as your first dance.
While researching this phenomenon, I found over 1,000 wedding dance videos to Evolution of Dance and that is only for one particular mix. Although every video is entitled “This is the best one I’ve ever seen!” all of the “choreography,” songs and executions are exactly the same. Does that sound unique to you? Here’s an example of what I am talking about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9XfzvuVhhs
With all of this being said, I do believe that, when done correctly and by the right “cast,” a performance at a reception can be a great addition, but the first thing you need is a rhyme and a reason. For example, my brother Randy is always challenging people to a dance off or breaking into a dance-fit of some sort at parties/receptions. My sister and I have danced all of our lives and our whole family is known for being on the dance floor (even those without professional training). When Randy gets married, it would not be a surprise to see him celebrate with a little Michael Jackson routine, but with his own twist, of course. Perhaps a family dance to a Jackson 5 favorite would be a treat, but regardless, it would be acceptable and, if I know my family, something that has never been seen before.
When it’s relevant because you are a teacher of dance, a talented performer or someone known for having that outgoing, “get up and dance” personality, you are assuring your guests a great treat! As a matter of fact, I’d be willing to bet that none of the couples out there using Evolution of Dance have a relevant reason for such a show – relevancy typically equals creativity – but for those of you with the “dance” bug and no unique ideas, God has graced us with TLC’s “Rock the Reception.”
This show creates an end product that follows all of the guidelines that I would give to my couples – they get to know the couple and use an original song and choreography that matches their personalities, typically the bridal party (or at least the best man and maid of honor) are brought in to dance with the couple, the dance is only 3 minutes instead of 6 and the couples actually dance instead of doing hand motions or silly cliché movements.
Take some time and check out the proper way to execute this trendy specialty dance. This will truly be a surprise to your guests - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8xWmlgjUpc&feature=related
p.s. Girls, learn how to dance while wearing your heels!!!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Wrap It Up
I received a phone call this afternoon from the mother of a former bride asking me for help with her daughter’s baby shower. One of the questions that this mother had was about having a “show shower” which is a shower where the guests bring the gifts unwrapped thereby eliminating the 90 minute task of watching the guest of honor open them. This has been a new “fad” for some of my younger brides and has become a hot topic for them and their mothers. This new party idea is not one that I believe will make it very far in the wedding world if the baby boomers have anything to say about it.
It has been my experience that our mothers’ generation believes that receiving an invitation asking for an unwrapped gift is completely rude. My mom thinks that when she brings a gift to a shower, it should be opened in front of everyone, admired by the bride (or guest of honor) and she wants the gift to have some intimate time with the person who received it. She wants to be acknowledged for the time and effort it took her to purchase the gift and I am sure she believes that the only way to achieve this is to have the guest of honor take her time and effort to unwrap the gift (in particular in front of friends and family at the actual shower).
I have given a “show shower” in my own home. Yes, it’s true. I sent out invitations that made guests believe that the bride-to-be and I are rude and classless by asking for an unwrapped gift! Seriously, the concept was hard for people to grasp at the time, but once the guests realized how much more time there was to spend with the bride, everyone seemed to really appreciate it. We had a table set out to display the gifts so people could take a look at them throughout the shower. Toward the end, we turned the table and had the guests sit and watch while the bride went through all of the gifts showing what each guest had given. She still thanked everyone and we still saw each person’s gift, but it only took 30 minutes, rather than 90 minutes.
Although I feel that when I am invited to a shower, or party, my gift being recognized is not that important, I realize that for other generations, it’s a sign of respect. For most people, they expect to go to a shower and have things done the way it’s been done for centuries before. It’s an understanding that they will be served dry finger sandwiches, punch with no alcohol, paste-like dips with tortilla chips and they will sit for 90 minutes making excited faces over the tea set that grandmamma passed down to the bride (bridal shower ideas are a different blog – coming soon). For me, etiquette is handled on a more case by case basis.
I believe that for this particular “fad” everything depends on your guest list and the theme of your shower. People create expectations based on what you guide them to expect. Doing a “show shower” as a bridal shower is not good etiquette. Typically, this is the more cookie cutter, sophisticated event with family and older generations of guests. However, if it’s a couple’s shower or something a bit more casual where the guest list consists mostly of younger friends rather than older family members, it will probably be a fun alternative to opening gifts.
The “show shower” that I threw at my house was a SAINTS themed couples shower thrown during a Saints game on a Sunday afternoon. Everyone knew what to expect.
In the same token, if you are having a tea given by my your future mother in law, you better get the excited face ready as it is your duty and only fair to give your guests what they expect and arriving with unwrapped gifts is not a fair expectation.
Some traditions, depending on the circumstances, are not meant to be changed and as long as we have mothers and grandmothers, this is one of them. Leave the fun, new traditions for the parties given by your friends and keep the traditional events alive for your mom and her baby boomers. A little compromise never hurt!
It has been my experience that our mothers’ generation believes that receiving an invitation asking for an unwrapped gift is completely rude. My mom thinks that when she brings a gift to a shower, it should be opened in front of everyone, admired by the bride (or guest of honor) and she wants the gift to have some intimate time with the person who received it. She wants to be acknowledged for the time and effort it took her to purchase the gift and I am sure she believes that the only way to achieve this is to have the guest of honor take her time and effort to unwrap the gift (in particular in front of friends and family at the actual shower).
I have given a “show shower” in my own home. Yes, it’s true. I sent out invitations that made guests believe that the bride-to-be and I are rude and classless by asking for an unwrapped gift! Seriously, the concept was hard for people to grasp at the time, but once the guests realized how much more time there was to spend with the bride, everyone seemed to really appreciate it. We had a table set out to display the gifts so people could take a look at them throughout the shower. Toward the end, we turned the table and had the guests sit and watch while the bride went through all of the gifts showing what each guest had given. She still thanked everyone and we still saw each person’s gift, but it only took 30 minutes, rather than 90 minutes.
Although I feel that when I am invited to a shower, or party, my gift being recognized is not that important, I realize that for other generations, it’s a sign of respect. For most people, they expect to go to a shower and have things done the way it’s been done for centuries before. It’s an understanding that they will be served dry finger sandwiches, punch with no alcohol, paste-like dips with tortilla chips and they will sit for 90 minutes making excited faces over the tea set that grandmamma passed down to the bride (bridal shower ideas are a different blog – coming soon). For me, etiquette is handled on a more case by case basis.
I believe that for this particular “fad” everything depends on your guest list and the theme of your shower. People create expectations based on what you guide them to expect. Doing a “show shower” as a bridal shower is not good etiquette. Typically, this is the more cookie cutter, sophisticated event with family and older generations of guests. However, if it’s a couple’s shower or something a bit more casual where the guest list consists mostly of younger friends rather than older family members, it will probably be a fun alternative to opening gifts.
The “show shower” that I threw at my house was a SAINTS themed couples shower thrown during a Saints game on a Sunday afternoon. Everyone knew what to expect.
In the same token, if you are having a tea given by my your future mother in law, you better get the excited face ready as it is your duty and only fair to give your guests what they expect and arriving with unwrapped gifts is not a fair expectation.
Some traditions, depending on the circumstances, are not meant to be changed and as long as we have mothers and grandmothers, this is one of them. Leave the fun, new traditions for the parties given by your friends and keep the traditional events alive for your mom and her baby boomers. A little compromise never hurt!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
