Wrap It Up

I received a phone call this afternoon from the mother of a former bride asking me for help with her daughter’s baby shower. One of the questions that this mother had was about having a “show shower” which is a shower where the guests bring the gifts unwrapped thereby eliminating the 90 minute task of watching the guest of honor open them. This has been a new “fad” for some of my younger brides and has become a hot topic for them and their mothers. This new party idea is not one that I believe will make it very far in the wedding world if the baby boomers have anything to say about it.

It has been my experience that our mothers’ generation believes that receiving an invitation asking for an unwrapped gift is completely rude. My mom thinks that when she brings a gift to a shower, it should be opened in front of everyone, admired by the bride (or guest of honor) and she wants the gift to have some intimate time with the person who received it. She wants to be acknowledged for the time and effort it took her to purchase the gift and I am sure she believes that the only way to achieve this is to have the guest of honor take her time and effort to unwrap the gift (in particular in front of friends and family at the actual shower).

I have given a “show shower” in my own home. Yes, it’s true. I sent out invitations that made guests believe that the bride-to-be and I are rude and classless by asking for an unwrapped gift! Seriously, the concept was hard for people to grasp at the time, but once the guests realized how much more time there was to spend with the bride, everyone seemed to really appreciate it. We had a table set out to display the gifts so people could take a look at them throughout the shower. Toward the end, we turned the table and had the guests sit and watch while the bride went through all of the gifts showing what each guest had given. She still thanked everyone and we still saw each person’s gift, but it only took 30 minutes, rather than 90 minutes.

Although I feel that when I am invited to a shower, or party, my gift being recognized is not that important, I realize that for other generations, it’s a sign of respect. For most people, they expect to go to a shower and have things done the way it’s been done for centuries before. It’s an understanding that they will be served dry finger sandwiches, punch with no alcohol, paste-like dips with tortilla chips and they will sit for 90 minutes making excited faces over the tea set that grandmamma passed down to the bride (bridal shower ideas are a different blog – coming soon). For me, etiquette is handled on a more case by case basis.

I believe that for this particular “fad” everything depends on your guest list and the theme of your shower. People create expectations based on what you guide them to expect. Doing a “show shower” as a bridal shower is not good etiquette. Typically, this is the more cookie cutter, sophisticated event with family and older generations of guests. However, if it’s a couple’s shower or something a bit more casual where the guest list consists mostly of younger friends rather than older family members, it will probably be a fun alternative to opening gifts.

The “show shower” that I threw at my house was a SAINTS themed couples shower thrown during a Saints game on a Sunday afternoon. Everyone knew what to expect.
In the same token, if you are having a tea given by my your future mother in law, you better get the excited face ready as it is your duty and only fair to give your guests what they expect and arriving with unwrapped gifts is not a fair expectation.

Some traditions, depending on the circumstances, are not meant to be changed and as long as we have mothers and grandmothers, this is one of them. Leave the fun, new traditions for the parties given by your friends and keep the traditional events alive for your mom and her baby boomers. A little compromise never hurt!