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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Great Expectations

A friend of mine emailed me yesterday asking me how much she should spend on a gift for a bridal shower that she’s invited to, yet she is not invited to the wedding. Of course my answer is $0. Everyone knows that you only invite guests to the shower that you plan to invite to the wedding.
I decided to give this bride the benefit of the doubt by assuming that she is having a destination wedding and that is why this guest was not invited to the wedding (as this is the only acceptable reason for this). Just then, another email came in. It was my friend now asking me how much she should spend on the engagement shower gift and the couple’s shower gift.
Where should I begin?
Whether it’s a destination wedding or a traditional 400 guest blow out in your home town, the rule of thumb has always been that each guest gets invited to one shower throughout the engagement process. With the number of different parties and celebrations given around weddings these days, that’s a tough rule to follow. I am not 100% sure where I fall on the issue when it involves a couple having a traditional wedding, but when it comes to a couple having a destination wedding, my feelings are pretty concrete.
I can certainly understand wanting to have an intimate destination wedding just for you and your groom to share this most special time together. Combining the honeymoon with the actual act of getting married is a great idea, but when doing so, you miss out on some of perks that come from having guests and your guests miss out on the perk of seeing you get married.
The massive blow out that you would have had, better known as your reception, is the biggest thing that destination wedding couples say they want. Some couples solve that issue by coming home from their wedding/honeymoon and having a grand party inviting their friends and family to celebrate along with them. That is a perfect solution, for you, but it still does not change the fact that you did not invite those guests to be a part of the wedding it self.
With that being said, I do not think you should expect to get all of the bells and whistles that come from family and friends who were asked to be involved in the actual wedding. Most couples that decide to have a more intimate wedding do not expect any of this and all they want is to be married and create an experience that only the two of them will know. On the other hand, some brides want the best of both worlds.
An engagement party to celebrate the engagement is completely acceptable and a bridal shower is fine as well, but having both an engagement party and a bridal shower, or going any further with other festivities such as couples’ showers, etc. may be pushing the envelope.
In my opinion, if you decide to have a destination wedding of any kind (whether just you and your groom or a few close friends and family members) an engagement party is your best bet to celebrate the actual engagement with the ones you love. When you return from the honeymoon, have a great big party to celebrate the marriage to the one you love, but leave it at that!

4 comments:

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  2. Where I live now, people follow the rule - if you give a decent shower gift, you don't give a wedding gift. New one for me, b/c I usually give a gift for both...I guess to each his own. But I 100% agree not to invite guests to a shower, if you have no intention inviting them to the wedding.

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  3. Wow, Traci. That's amazing!! One gift for the whole process. But you are right, to each his own. It's different no matter where you go. How about in New York where cash is the gift that most of your guests give!!?!!

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  4. I was invited to my best friend’s bridal shower and wedding too that took place at one of wedding venues Los Angeles. Went to her bridal shower and gifted her lovely bridal makeup kit that loved and adored a lot.

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